What the ?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
What the ?????
31
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 6:52pm

Okay...by now everybody knows what my situation is. Well, this morning my husband was trying to play around with me and get me to have sex and I was absolutely not game. He was in a really good mood and I felt like I could open up to him today, so I started telling him that the new method of birth control wasn't working (we made a decision that I would go off hormonal birth control to make sure that it wasn't interfering with my libido as mentioned in a previous post) and that whenever I thought of sex, all I could think about was having sex with women. I even admitted to him that though I had the best husband a woman could possibly ask for, I had to make myself wanna have sex with him. I got upset trying to tell him about it. I told him that I felt like a creep. He said, "you're not a creep, you're just a lesbian." He asked me what I was going to do. I said, "I'm not sure yet, what are YOU going to do?" I told him that I'm not a good wife and that he needed someone that would be better for him. He joked about trading me in for a newer, shinier model (I am several years older than him). I said that she didn't have to be newer, but she could be someone that appreciated his manliness. But then he said that he was right where he wanted to be. Huh?????!!!!!! I said, "How can you say that? How could you want to be with a woman that only wants to have sex with other women?" He started saying (joking?) that I could get a girlfriend and that she could just live with us. I said, "No woman is going to want to do that!" He said that he didn't mean to BE with me AND him...just to be with me. He even said that he could move into the guest room, but that he really like the master room better because it has a bathroom. And that then our daughter could have 2 mommies and how funny it would be that the second mommy would not be daddy's new wife, but mommy's new girlfriend *looking up to the ceiling like I must be in the flippin' twilight zone* Anyway...I said, well, don't you want to find a new girlfriend. And he just joked about how between the four of us, maybe we could remember all of the things we were supposed to send to school with our daughter and whatever like that. It's like it was just a joke. But, then he said that he had to get to work and that he hated to leave during the conversation, but that we would talk about it later. So...you know...I was feeling better about the situation. Then, this afternoon, he's talking about future plans and all that for the coming years just like his wife didn't just tell him that she doesn't want to have sex with him because she is gay. I have no clue what just happened here!!!???? Can I scream now? At least it's a baby step in the direction I'm trying to go in, I guess. *sigh*

-leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 8:11pm
Ha! :)
It's still the "dumb jock" syndrome.
BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 4:19pm

Leafy,


The convo in car, okay really in the truck, was awkward and my heart pounded mercilessly and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I almost wished we

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 6:55pm

Nony, that's a real interesting thought. I wonder if that would fly with my dh. It seems to let them down a little lighter. I am going to have to ponder that tactic. My first thought is that he would say "couldn't you ever love me again?" and then the discussion would progress from there anyhow. In college when I tried to dump him, he said, "don't you think you could ever love me?" Well, yeah, and here I am now......

I don't think you are awful at all. Some folks would tell you that I live a lie every day. I don't quite see it that way, but I do understand that thought on an intellectual level. I feel like I am protecting myself right now as I start to move out from the relationship. Ending this and announcing to the whole world that I am gay would be very ugly, as I am sure some here can attest to. I want to do this with the least amount of pain and hurt for the whole family, including him.

Anyway, I think that is good advice.

Hugs,

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 10:40pm

I actually did think of those things...like what if he was just waiting for me to do "cheat" on him and then use it against me...although, he's such a stand up guy about everything else in his life that I doubt it. Thing is...you NEVER know. No matter how much you think you know someone....you NEVER do. Thanks :)

-leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 10:45pm
yeah...i don't think that i was strong enough in what i was saying, but, i'm not trying to turn our lives upside all at one time anyway LOL I think you're right...everything will be well and good until he realizes just how much I want to be with a woman as a partner...not as a fling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 6:27am

Hi Leaf,
I just wanted to put my two cents in on this thread and what happened when you had your talk with your DH. First off, I'm not a lesbian, but I do have many friend who are and I care about people no matter who they love. Plus, this board is very nice and supportive.

It very well could be that your DH is in denial of the whole situation. But because he did say ""you're not a creep, you're just a lesbian."", it leads me to believe that he might fully be aware of how you are feeling and has just been waiting for you to act on it and say something.

It sounds like your conversation was a giant start/step in the right direction for what you are wanting. I hope you can continue moving forward at a pace that is good for you and that you are ultimately happy.



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Curious Chef

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 9:48am

Thanks Heather :) But if he was just waiting on me to address the situation and act on it, why would he have been talking about the future as if nothing had ever been said? I don't get it--but then I AM a bit of an airhead at times LOL I'm sure he will bring it up again when he is not so busy and has time to think it over a bit. Thanks again for your encouragement :)

-Leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 9:57am
Thats the thing about men though Leaf.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 3:40pm

Hey, Rowan, welcome back. I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away! Did ya bring your party hat or just making a social call!

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 1:31pm
I have no idea why your DH was talking about the "future as if nothing had ever been said". Maybe it was his way of coping with a stressful situation.. By making it funny and something that could be sort of laughed at, his true feelings might show through.


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Curious Chef