I am getting "signs"
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| Tue, 05-22-2007 - 2:43pm |
I don't know if you all believe in "signs" or not. But just this past week I have been getting some funky ones.
1. Watched the movie "happily never after" with the kids this past weekend. There is a song on there that talks about choosing the life you thought you wanted and then realizing that is not what you wanted after all. I'll tell ya it made me ponder.
2. Couldn't find anything on TV to watch on Sunday night, I finally stopped surfing the channels and decided to watch Tyra. They had a woman on there that was straight and from an "upstanding" family who wanted to try to date women. (Even if I was trying to find something like this on TV I wouldn’t have been able too It gave me some insightful info.
3. My parents called and want to keep my son for a month this summer. (I do not like that idea at all). Then I wondered if maybe it would be a good thing. Maybe it would be a good time to sort out my feelings for my marriage and my husband.
4. Also while talking to my dad on the phone, he replies you and your hubby is not getting along r u? How could he know that, it must have been something in my voice that tipped him off? He lives 700 miles away. Anyways I just about blabbed out that we are having problems and what some of the main issues are. Such as him putting his family in front of me, screwing up a carrier that I would have loved by emailing the plant manager telling him to not let me have the job since we would have to move about 1 1/2 hours away from his family.
I just want to say I know I am having problems with my sexuality and feelings for a woman right now. I am just fed up with my marriage and my husband. I feel like I give and give and get nothing in return. I am sad to say that my marriage is feeling like it is ending. I have given this man 10 years of my life and I have tried to make it work on my part. I have tried to make this marriage work for the sake of my son. I even suggested going to counseling, he says he will go, but then makes up excuses not to go at the last minute. I have rescheduled 3 times with a counselor.
I feel like in my life so much is happening at once. I know I need some time for myself to think. I also know I need to take my time and consider all options. I also know if I decide to end my marriage I need to take sometime for myself and my son and not just jump into another relationship.
In my life I have went from living with my parents, to living with my husband. I have never been alone before. It is sort of scary to think about. I also know I owe my son a happy mommy and right now this mommy is not happy.
Sorry Ladies I just needed to vent. Counseling appointment is still scheduled for Sat. I just feel like I am going to blow sometimes..lol
Thanks for listening!

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((((((((((Momma)))))))))
I'm glad you're going to see a counselor, and I'm sorry this is such a tough time. Sometimes I do think we get "signs" that give us insights into things we're experiencing. Regarding your parents' wish to have your son stay with them...that might be a good thing for you...give you some time to do some deep thinking. But, if a month is too long for you, maybe he could go for a shorter period of time.
Sounds like your DH has some control issues for sure. Did he really email the plant manager behind your back and tell him not to hire you? That's seriously wrong! If he is trying to sabotage you like that and is not willing to work on the marriage, then I think you do have some serious decisions to make.
I like the saying "If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy." I think it's so true. If you and your husband do split up, I agree that it will be important for you to have some one-on-one time with your son and figure out what steps to take next. Having that time will help you grow in so many ways.
I'm so glad you are here and are talking to us. Don't ever apologize for venting! We're here to give you lots of support and hugs.
Hi Momma. Your post resonated with me in many ways. Some days I feel like I'm going to go crazy trying to sort out everything. I've been married for almost 12 years-3 kids and a woman in my life triggered so many emotions and memories, and here I am pondering so much. It can feel like there is such a weight on your shoulders.
My husband is a pretty good guy, but I realize I married him to feel secure. I also didn't have much time to myself before marrying. My husband went to one couseling session with me. The therapist suggested individual therapy first. I went to mine, he isn't going to his. I think he's just waiting for "me" to return. However, "me" will never be the same. So, I'm working on my stuff. It's pretty hard work and intense. But I know it will lead to a better life, whatever happens.
Even though this woman triggered this upheaval, most likely it will never lead to anything with her because of our circumstances. I'm very grateful for her though, as it made my examine everything and stop living half a life. I encourage you to just go to counseling on your own. Make yourself the first priority, and your son will benefit from it. I know how hard it is when you have to consider everyone else. It makes it so much more complicated. But you'll get through it. Maybe we can just support each other through this difficult, painful time, we'll be celebrating some great times very soon!
Hang in there and light a candle for yourself and your future!
What an incredible post, Passiongrl! I can't say enough how important
Let’s see the email went something like this:
You are tearing my family apart when you offered my wife this job. Please for the sake of my family tell her position has been filled, etc, etc, yada yada.
Well my DH did this secretly and did not tell me that he did it. The plant manager and I are very close professionally and called me and asked what was going on? Let me tell you I was five shades of red. I have been told that I am still in the running for this position, but my hopes aren't very high. Would you hire someone who seems to have a controlling husband.. I would think not!
What my husband did is he jeopardized not just a job, but a potentially great career for me with an awesome company. When I found out about this I was crushed and ever since then I have had harsh hateful feelings toward him. That is what started the snowball of my lack of emotion for him. I never thought he could be so deceitful and so disrespectful of my feelings. I was totally and completely honest with him when this opportunity arose.
OMG,
Thanks Ting. I am an advocate for counseling for anyone. When this all hit, I was so wrapped up in it that I couldn't think straight. My best friend was practically shouting "Run-don't walk-to counseling now!". I'm so thankful for her. My counseler is great. But she's gone for three weeks in Peru and I'm feeling vulnerable with all these emotions! One of the the things she likes to talk about is dreams (she's a Jungian therapist). Anyway, that's why I posted that dream I had about my dh-it was so weird and I can't tell her about it for a while.
Hey Momma,
Remember we are here so you can vent away! *smile
One thing
>I think he's just waiting for "me" to return. However, "me" will never be the same.<
I just had to comment on this briefly Passiongirl because it was SOOOO what my XH did to me.
Sorry things are so diffidult for you right now.
I do believe in signs or at least messages.
What your husband did to you was so wrong, Brown eyes.
I hope you go to the counselor for your sake.
I go to counseling and it helps alot.
Vent anytime. I wish I had the magic advice for you.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
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