I am getting "signs"
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| Tue, 05-22-2007 - 2:43pm |
I don't know if you all believe in "signs" or not. But just this past week I have been getting some funky ones.
1. Watched the movie "happily never after" with the kids this past weekend. There is a song on there that talks about choosing the life you thought you wanted and then realizing that is not what you wanted after all. I'll tell ya it made me ponder.
2. Couldn't find anything on TV to watch on Sunday night, I finally stopped surfing the channels and decided to watch Tyra. They had a woman on there that was straight and from an "upstanding" family who wanted to try to date women. (Even if I was trying to find something like this on TV I wouldn’t have been able too It gave me some insightful info.
3. My parents called and want to keep my son for a month this summer. (I do not like that idea at all). Then I wondered if maybe it would be a good thing. Maybe it would be a good time to sort out my feelings for my marriage and my husband.
4. Also while talking to my dad on the phone, he replies you and your hubby is not getting along r u? How could he know that, it must have been something in my voice that tipped him off? He lives 700 miles away. Anyways I just about blabbed out that we are having problems and what some of the main issues are. Such as him putting his family in front of me, screwing up a carrier that I would have loved by emailing the plant manager telling him to not let me have the job since we would have to move about 1 1/2 hours away from his family.
I just want to say I know I am having problems with my sexuality and feelings for a woman right now. I am just fed up with my marriage and my husband. I feel like I give and give and get nothing in return. I am sad to say that my marriage is feeling like it is ending. I have given this man 10 years of my life and I have tried to make it work on my part. I have tried to make this marriage work for the sake of my son. I even suggested going to counseling, he says he will go, but then makes up excuses not to go at the last minute. I have rescheduled 3 times with a counselor.
I feel like in my life so much is happening at once. I know I need some time for myself to think. I also know I need to take my time and consider all options. I also know if I decide to end my marriage I need to take sometime for myself and my son and not just jump into another relationship.
In my life I have went from living with my parents, to living with my husband. I have never been alone before. It is sort of scary to think about. I also know I owe my son a happy mommy and right now this mommy is not happy.
Sorry Ladies I just needed to vent. Counseling appointment is still scheduled for Sat. I just feel like I am going to blow sometimes..lol
Thanks for listening!

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Hi Caly. I know it's really hard for my husband too. The fact is, I haven't been "me" anyway-for years. So what does he expect? I've been trying to please everyone for so long, and now that I want to figure my life out, everyone has to go along for the ride. I know in the end it will be a better life for everyone, but it sucks right now. The idea of being alone is so terrifying on one hand, but I'm almost desperate for it now, as I need to know me.
Thanks for the support!
That email stunt really takes the cake! Deceitful and disrespective, indeed!
Did this happen recently and, does he know you're aware of what he did?
*speaking softly with a gentle smile* Hey, brown eyes.
What he did is inexcusable. It's good that you and the manager have a good relationship. Maybe your chances might not be that slim since you were told about the e-mail. Any good decision maker consider the whole picture before deciding.
I don't know when this all take place or how long you been holding these hurt feelings to yourself. Consider facing him and asking him why he did it and tell him how you feel and thought. Maybe you have already decided to divorce him before he sent this e-mail but you still need to work this problem out with him. Resolving this not for a relationship with him but so you can have a healthy relationship next time. The whole situation will show you how you handle yourself in trouble relationship and you'll learn from it too. You have the right to know why he sent this e-mail and you have the right to show how angry you are by his actions.
The email thing happened almost 2 months ago. Yes he is aware that I know what he did. I have tried to talk to him about it. All he says is that he is not willing to move 1 1/2 hours away for me to take the position. I have tried to compromise with him. Say moving just halfway. Or I would have even considered commuting if he would step up at home and help out with home responsibilities since I would be commuting so long.
Ever since he has done this to me I have felt down right awful. How could the man that I love do something so wrong and hurtful against me? I could never do that to him. I could never act like that. He knows how important this job was for me. He wasn’t even willing to consider to compromise at all.
He doesn’t talk about his emotions or how he feels. I have tried to schedule couples counseling on two separate occasions. Something has always come up on his part so we haven’t been to one.
I am to the point now that I am just fed up with everything. I feel like I try to work on our relationship, and he doesn’t put forth the effort. I know it takes two to make a marriage work and he is definitely not pulling his weight
I want to let you know I've seen your response. It's made me feel angry and defensive. I might not say things very diplomatically so I'm going to think about this for a bit
and I'll get back to you.
Hope you understand
I find myself still pretty astounded by this man's behaviour. It's such a complete denial of you, as a person. Beneath all the other layers, titles you've willingly taken.. like joyous mother (guessing from your nick) and probably even joyously wife, at one time... there's still the original part of you. The autonomous, individual essence of you, where ambitions reside. The original you he fell in love with, if you will.
I just hurt for you. The shock must be so deep.
And I think, COMPLETELY irrespective of anything lesbian, your relationship will be irreparably damaged if he won't show some effort at realizing the magnitude of what he's done. Some attempt to 'fix' this with you.
If you want to stay, or need to stay... at least keep seeing your counselor. Please do not swallow this inside, accept
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