Guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Guilt
21
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 12:20am
I would like to know if any of you ladies have had problems with guilt for religious reasons? I come from a uptight family and lately I have been suffering with guilt about how I feel towards women. The thought of finally letting myself be with a woman made me feel as if a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, I felt happier than I have in a long time. I live with an uncle who is a christian and he feels like the rest of my family that it is against the bible. I love God but I am so attracted to women. I told myself I would give up my "dream" of being in a relationship with a woman and as soon as I did I felt so deeply depressed. I have felt depressed most of my life and I am wondering if I have been trying to supress my feelings for women all that time. I felt so happy and free at the thought of finally living my life the way I want. Does anybody have any insight that might help me? I feel with talking to you guys like I said before, I feel like I found my tribe. Thanks for listening, don't mean to whine. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2007
In reply to: jodycat1032
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 1:26am
Yeah i know exactly how you feel, I'm from lexington Kentucky. People aren't to fond of people being gay here, its against the bible belt. You just have to let it go plus there are a lot of gay churches and religions you can sort through.. if that helps any. I always use to ignore religion period because of the guilt but then i realized you cant just ignore things you have to face them. God made us as we are, who we are, what we are. remember that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
In reply to: jodycat1032
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 7:26am

My take?

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: jodycat1032
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 9:25am


Hi jody, I'd like to give you my brief experience on the issue of religion. Religion was created by fallible human beings. Religion, in my opinion, has a gotten a bad name by so-called "Christians".

In my opinion, I live a spiritual life. I try to follow all of the spiritual principals of faith, acceptance, caring, kindness, compassion, etc. I follow many different faith walks, but in practice, I'm a Presbyterian. My place of worship is inclusive. At the present moment we are going through a period of transition, we are searching for a new minister.

My Creator created me exactly as I am, my Creator loves me as I am. I'll be honest with you, I did get a lot of resistance from my mother, but with some persuasion from my brother and my step-dad, she finally came around. I would like to believe that it was suggested to her, that if she didn't accept me, then she would loose me, altogether.

I'm very patient with my mother and I love her unconditionally. She has a right to her opinion and I have a right to my life. As Caly, suggested, investigate your local MCC or Unitarian Churches, if you choose to worship.

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: jodycat1032
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 10:45am

Jody,


I know this must be very hard for you, and I'm sure others here can talk to you about their experiences.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
In reply to: jodycat1032
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 3:04pm

Hi jodycat,

This seems to be a common phenomenon where I live (in the south). I have known of several couples (all male) that broke up because one partner found religion and felt that he could no longer be in a gay relationship. One couple in particular that I knew of had been together for MANY years. One of the men found religion and moved away to live a celibate life and the other man just had to deal with it. I don't know if he has ever gotten another boyfriend, because I have moved to a different town since then. I personally don't think that you have to sacrifice your religion or your sexual orientation. To be frank, the bible was written by men...and even though it was supposedly inspired by God, I am unconvinced that it was written without bias or without being influenced by popular thoughts from the time period. If at all possible, I would probably find a church that caters to the homosexual community and learn from people there how they have coped in similar circumstances. Best wishes to you :) Oh...and you don't sound whiny at all!! LOL

-Leaf

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: jodycat1032
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 7:29am

Hey, Jody,
I don't think you are whiny at all. This is a good thing to open for discussion.
No, I don't feel guilt, although, like Caly I was raised Catholic. Somewhere in the back of my mind, though, there is a little niggling piece of something, because "once a Catholic, always a Catholic." lol Stuff is embedded so deeply in childhood, that it is sometimes difficult to clear away all the baggage and mess.
It must be even more difficult if you have people constantly bombarding you with bad messages about who you are. Sometimes you might feel the need to give in. Depression is not you, babe, so live like you want to. You know when they interrogate prisioners and keep after them day and night, eventually many give in and admit doing something that they never did just to get the questioner off their back. Do NOT give up your happiness for something that you clearly do not want. I wish you could find a way to get out of the house with the uncle. That eternal hell and damnation stuff is way out of line.

Caly puts it best when she quotes, 'to thine own self be true."

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: jodycat1032
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 7:50am
((((( Jody )))))
I have in the past had to struggle with guilt for religious reasons.
I studied the Bible and the Hebrew and Greek translations and found no words to describe homosexuality.
And there is not one single place in the Bible that discusses lesbians.
So, I concluded that it was a man made sin.
Way back in history it was ok to be gay or lesbian. They didn't even have the technology yet for transexualism,
so, I still conclude it is a man made sin.
Just my oppinion.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
In reply to: jodycat1032
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 8:35pm

I'm no stranger to guilt, but not for religious reasons.


It certainly is tough when others have belief we run afoul of... but in the end, they will love you, just not understand you. Yeah, some close doors, but then again, some doors get opened.


I know all too well that suppressing who one is will rip that person to shreds if the suppression continues unabated. I did it for over 4 decades, and when the dam burst, it wasn't pretty.


*hugs*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
In reply to: jodycat1032
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 9:51pm
I am still having a bit of a struggle with this issue. I do enjoy the input from everyone, it helps me and gives me new food for thought. I never had this kind of struggle before. I did what I was supposed to do, I got married. I hate this feeling of being so torn between what I have grown up hearing is wrong to want and what I REALLY do want for my life. Hope this makes sense to someone other than myself. I feel sometimes like just giving up and being alone for the rest of my life so I don't have to struggle with this anymore. I'll never forget the sense of panic I felt the moment I realized that I felt this way about women, all of a sudden I had to make a choice that I knew would be a tough one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: jodycat1032
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 10:42pm

Jody, I think your choice is not who you are, but how you want to choose to live. You know that if you are posting here, that there isn't an issue with how you feel, but what you are going to do with those feelings. I can claim that I am a lesbian, but I am living a straight life right now. I have chosen that reaction, but not the feeling. I know who and what I am. I have an opportunity in my life here to make other choices. My agony is not over who I am, but the choice I will make to keep the status quo, or disrupt the lives of those I love around me. Happiness is such a fleeting illusion. I want to grab it and tuck it away for myself. THAT is the dilemma. Happiness for me vs. happiness for others.
This is something that each of us must figure out for ourselves. There isn't any rush "all of a sudden I had to make a choice" about it, unless you feel the need to bust open and tell the world. There may be a need for you to leave your environment, if you can, to come to some sort of conclusion without negative influences.

More food for your already conflicted brain. Good luck.

Hugs for you

Blue

BLUE DIA

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