My talk with the Lawyer......
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| Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:28am |
So I went to my consultation with the lawyer last night. DH thought I was at therapy. I expressed all my concerns about my son and taking him across state lines. I also expressed my concern about how my husband would react to me leaving. I also discussed the division of my stuff, his stuff, and our stuff that we have bought over the years. The lawyer took down all financial information. And in so many words this is what he said.
You basically are not going to be entitled to alimony since you make more than he does. As far as leaving the best, way to do it would be for you to move out on your own for 6 months and file custody papers to the tune of $3,000-$4,000. I told him about my son going to IN for the summer. I told him I wanted to leave with in a month or so after I saved some money. He told me that I have every right to take my son where I please, and if I chose to leave the only legal action that could take place is my DH could file for custody down in NC, but that would also cost him $3,000-$4,000. He asked if my DH would be able to get up that kind of money either through a loan or family. I know for a fact he can’t get a loan and his family has no money. He told me, "I see cases like this everyday women coming in here, because they married pieces of s**t for men and then later on they want to get on with there life cause they know they can do better without their husbands." He told me to let my son go to IN for the summer, wait until my husband goes to work, then bring in the U-Haul and load up all of the household stuff and take him to the cleaners. Possession is 9/10 of the law. He told me to leave a note for my husband and tell him that I need a separation for 6 months and during that time I will not ask for any child support. Once I live in IN for 6 months and 1 day I can file for custody and child support. We don’t own a house. The only thing we have in debt that is in both of our names is his truck, which will probably get re poed after I leave since I pay 75% of the bills. Then I will have to deal with that on my credit and the finance company coming after me for the balance that would be owned on it. I would take the truck but I can’t afford the payments and be able to support myself and my son. I don’t want to move back into my parents forever. Plus the gas for the truck is like $70 a week just to fill up.
As far as taking this lawyers advice. I think I am going to leave when my husband is not home and my son is safely in IN with my parents. I will pack up all my belongings and things that have sentimental value to me. All the rest of it can stay. As far as my action plan for leaving I need to talk to my therapist and make out a plan. I do have some guilt for leaving him. (I know I am crazy) I have another appointment on the 5th of June with my therapist so I can talk to her about that then....
I have a lot of sorting out stuff and looking through things to do... yuck!

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I'm so glad you took that first step, Momma. And lol about our posting at the same time!
It's good that you don't own the house and don't have much debt to sort out. I know the specifics are none of my business and you can tell me to stuff it if I'm being nosy, but as far as custody goes, are you going to give DH visitation rights? Do you think he'll fight you for custody? Do you think it will make him angry if you just up and leave? I would definitely talk to your therapist about all of the ramifications of the plan if you decide to do that.
I know someone who did exactly that - one day when her husband was at work, she loaded up a moving truck and left with her son. At first her husband freaked out, but everything turned out ok in the end. I personally could not have done that, but everyone's situation is different.
Good for you on taking the first step and sorting out your options. Lean on your therapist. Staying in counseling is one of the best things you can do right now.
Take a deep breath and take it all one day at a time...we're here for you.
Big hugs!
(((((((Momma))))))))
You are taking all the right steps and should not feel guilty about leaving. First and foremost, you have to look out for yours and DS's safety. You are making a better life for yourself and your son and that is important too.
So sorry you are going through this, but in the end I'm sure you'll come out of it all happier and hopeful.
Hugs
Take the safe way out please! My partner had to do that when she moved out of her ex's. Her exg/f was to crazy and had hurt her in the past.
I say listen to the lawyer and wait until he is at work. You just never know about people with bad tempers when there is going to be a break up, especially coming from a controlling person like him.
I hope all goes well.
Keep us posted.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
BrownEyes
Wow, I am amzed, awed, and proud of you! I do want you and ds to be safe, so play this carefully. Waiting until he is gone is probably a good idea in your situation. Think about taking some things that you are entitled to, however, this may give a better start when you get where you are going. However, if it is too much, stick with plan A.
I'll be thinking of you.
(((hugs))
Blue
*hugs*
Please be safe. Such things take just a bit of courage, and you are finding yours. If possible, have a friend around as you gather and leave... just in case. I've twice had to go into homes overnight to get someone out, it's no fun. Better to have someone around.
Sometimes
Sometimes
I see much more than's good for me
The first thing that's on my mind
The last place I look each time
~
worlds undone
C >^. A .
I have told two of my very closest friends what is going on. They both live in NC. As soon as I told my one friend that I was going to leave. She just let out all her feelings about my hubby. She said she could tell I was not happy just by the way I sound on the phone. She told me I deserve way better than a controlling a-hole. She said she was going to miss me, but she understood why I need to move to IN. And when I told the other friend, she has been saying "I would have left his butt a long time ago. You have put up with way more than I ever could". They both have been supportive and both have offered to help me pack up. I will be going thru all my son's stuff this weekend and basically packing him up for his "visit" to IN. My husband is ignorant and wont notice the majority of his toys and all of his clothes will be gone. We are meeting my parents in TN, they are vacationing in Gatlinburg. After we get back from dropping him off, I will come home and slowly pack up boxes of my stuff and ship them to my parent’s house.
All I will be taking when I leave is my car and what I can fit into my car. My game plan is to leave the 25th of June. By that time I should have some money put back and be able to put tires on my car and make sure my car is ok for that long trip to IN. When I get to IN I will be living with my parents for a while until I can get a job and get settled. They are ecstatic that I am moving back "home". My mom has been working on my old room to get it ready (rolling my eyes)..lol.
I keep telling myself it won’t be forever and I keep thinking about how good it will feel to be out on my own. Ever since I have made this decision I have been "content". I have a feeling of peace. I know it will be alright. A divorce is not the end of the world. It will be a beginning to my life. All I have to worry about is myself and my son. I don’t have to worry about my husband holding me back anymore. I could go back to college and actually finish. My parents are very supportive of me, which my husband has never been. I feel like I am turning over a new leaf in my life. It only took me almost 27 years to make sure I put myself first. I know I can do anything if I set my mind to it. I feel liberated now.
Ya know this is the first post I have written and not actually cried while writing it. Something to ponder.....
I am so glad to hear the relief in your typing if you can imagine what I mean.
My g/f of 10 years and I live in Indianapolis and her parents live in Elkhart. Someday when you are all settled in we will have to meet.
Maybe by then you will be hooked up with your g/f. Wouldn't that be nice?
I hope all goes well and as planned. Sounds exciting! A whole new life for you. Your own life and your son's.
I had to stay at my parents for awhile when I got out of the Navy until I got settled too, no shame in that. It is good to have a supportive family. Be thankfull for that brown eyes.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
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