Getting over heartbreak
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| Tue, 06-05-2007 - 3:55pm |
Hello sweet women, I am new here. Have been in other boards for lesbians who came out while in a het marriage. But that is another story. I am nursing a heartbreak here. I am having to honor NC (no contact) with the Love of my life.
They say time makes all pain fade, but my keeps getting more intense by the minute. The good news is I am out at home so I dont have to grieve privately. They sad news is she is not in a supportive place and now I cant support her but to give her the space she asked for. I miss my friend. I miss my heart. This may be then end...I wont know for months. The waiting...is so hard. Oh wake me up when September ends.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share. I will take any tips on getting by, I welcom any positive statement or compassion throw my way. BTW, any other married lesbains coming out here? Oh, it is not for the faint of heart! Some of us did not know before we walked down the isle that we were lesbians. Sigh...
roxy

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((((Roxy))) Welcome!! Let me be the first to say hi.
Amen, sister, this is not for the faint of heart. I am living your life right now. I am out to a few people and when I told the love of my life, it was like a bomb went off. I am not permitted to write, email, text, phone, or speak to her. The problem is that I see her every day, and today she spoke to me. It was just a cold, "Hi, how are you." I was equally chilling in my reply. So how do you look at this? She didn't have to say anything. Does one think she is softening? And what if that were true? Could we go back to being friends. I don't think I can, because deep inside, I haven't stopped loving her although rationally I know I need to let go. I am a teacher and I am glad that the summer is coming. I hate being in her presence and yet I long to be with her. There is no answer for me right now, but I hope that you can find one for you.
The good women here are just incredible. They offer awesome advice and a plethora of suggestions. Many of them were married lesbians, some are struggling like you and me, and some have been out lesbians for a long time. It's a great melting pot of supportive women, who have wonderful thoughts and ideas.
What happens in September?
((((Hugs))))
Blue
Oh what a great welcome!!!! Thank you so much! I was not sure if I'd get slammed for being a married lez.
When setember ends... in October, I may hear from her. Meantime I need to respect her boundary of no contact. Ugh. Hardest thing in the world. I miss my friend. My heart. She saw me. She saw my interior landscape and took me into her heart. I never felt so safe. And i have never had that feeling.
October...well nothing to do but get lost in work....sigh.
Roxy,
First of all, NOBODY gets slammed here. Opinions may vary, but everyone is respectful in their disagreements. We all agree to disagree, as they say. lol
Second, I really, truly feel that pain. Lost in work is only the beginning. Lost in new friends, activities, union work, etc. Yep, I got it. All just a clever cover up for the emotions that rock inside. Somehow, we get by, and most don't even know.
Blue
Blue,
Again, so generous with your words. Have I said how grateful I am for such a sweet welcome? Yes, lost in work and exercise for me. I am worried though, you know my heart aches as the days go by. Every day my heart hurts just a little bit more. I am having to find private time to cry (in the shower, while morning run, while in bed at night, during spin class with light out and music blaring). Oh i thought being married and not out to H was hard. It was. But to have found such great love and watch it move away from you because of confusion and pain and that sense of duty. And not be able to support her. I'd take being her fiend if that is the only way I can have her in my life. MY GOD THIS IS PAINFUL!
Ah, yes,exercise- an hour in the morning, another 20-25 minutes in the afternoon or evening. Core work every day, lifting every other day. I've lost 35 pounds on this. It's not the stress, it was just the determination. I needed to lose anyhow, but there is comfort in the pain of exercise. I can see that some people think I am "going anorexic" but I am not. Sometimes on the Trak or the elliptical, it's just so overwhelming, I have to stop and sob a little. I will tell you that it does get easier if you don't have a chance to see her every day. That's a little sad, too. I'm not so sure I am deserving of the easiness.
Could you really take just being her friend? I go back and forth with this dilemma every day. I think that would be admirable. I hope you have somebody else at home to talk to. I am not out to dh and it is extremely hard. I have friends(straight and gay) that I can talk to, but my best is my therapist. She got me to say out loud what I had always known, and is making it easier for me to speak every day. She does not know me as a friend, and has no one's interest but mine when I see her. Something to think about anyhow.
Hugs
Hi Roxy and Welcome to the board!
As Caly and Blue said, many of us here were married before we came out. Life is a journey and sometimes where you think you're gonna go totally changes down the road when you least expect it.
So, you are definitely not alone. We're all in this together, married or not. I'm sorry you are going through the pain and heartbreak of losing a special person. I do hope that you will be able to regain contact in October.
Looking forward to getting to know you better. Glad you found us!
Hi there Roxy,
I'm sorry about the pain you are experiencing, but you truly are
Prr hi Storm!! NC is six months OMG!!! Can you believe it. I am out at home. H is supportive. Wants me to fulfill this side of me. I just came out in Sept. He blew me away with compassion and love. He is older...kind. My hero about all of this. I have no kids. That makes things simple for me. I realized i was gay after being married a long while. Explained a lot!
She is married, 2 kids under 12. Her H knows about her sexuality (found out by accident). He is doing all that act...changed man. You know, after years of cold nothingness. He does not know about me. We fell in love in December. She is 43 and I am 42. We both look at least 10 years younger.
I would be very wary of the NC, because I have never seen it end in a positive way. What is the reason she wants NC?
I would live as if you were dumped already and move on.
You could be wasting your life away on this one.
This is just my humble oppinion.
I hope things do work out, but I get negative feelings on NC's.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
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