How do I unhook?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
How do I unhook?
72
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 6:29pm
How to I let go. I am getting bogged down in too puch pain. I think i need to watch it or I will be in not a good place by October. Any tips. I go from denial (holding on to the idea she will come back) to grief to confusion. I feel I need to talk to her. It is driving me crazy. She asked for NC. I should honor that? Do email her BFF who knows it all and ask for a phone call? Do I just decide it is over? Can you tell I am confused and hurting. Ugh. What do i do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 6:39am
Oh i would have...you sent this past my bed time. Did i mention i get up at 5 am to go to YMCA? (wink)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 7:14am

Ok Roxy,

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 8:30am

Oh thank you Caly. I just hit sent to an email to her BFF. She had given me that option to email her BFF. I poured my heart out. Told her how I almost broke NC (was gonna ask for a call) and then I decided to honor it. How I had gotten so confused and scared but i was not going to NOT let fear run the show and I was going to trust what K had told me. And how I am waiting.

I said so much this email. How I wished i had been stronger right at NC and been less scared and less into self and more supportive of her needs. I feel good i sent it. Her BFF probably will NOT tell K if K needs space, but I feel good saying how I love her and I can give her NC and trust in all that K ever told me. ANd maybe at some time K and I can at least be friends like she promised. How I treasured her in my life and what ever capacity supports her highest good and her kids--and if its platonic love, well I can do that. She said she'd always be in my life and to count on that. That she'd be the one to show me women are trustworthy and kind. ( i have trust issues to work on around women all the way back to my mom--mom could not help it, mental illness and personality disorder, but left me with things to heal).

Anyway...poured my heart out and said i'd wait. Said my heart wont let me let go and not wait. SO i will wait.

Thank you for your post. I will re-read several times. Especially when my head clears a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 9:46am

Oh Caly I went back and re-read your post. You say good stuff and all of it so loving. Thank you for that!! (( Caly)). I wish i had read before sending email to BFF. But it is done and I am at peace about it.

Oh i dont know if me emailing her BFF was good but i feel better. I feel like I was open and meant all i said. BFF may not ( most likely wont ) forward email to my K. She is sort of this surrogate place, that K said i could contact and BFF would filter or buffer or whatever. Is that weird?! That my only way to contact her is via protective STRAIGHT BFF ? Who maybe has a vested interest in her BFF (my K) keeping status quo? Who knows? K said her BFF only wants what is best for her and in fact 10 years ago her BFF had begged K to leave her H because their marriage was not a good place for K.

Now that K's H has done a 180 (since he found out she is gay) and is being effectionate and turning a new leaf, my K feels she needs time to sort it out and see if she can bond for sake of family (kids, 9 and 11). She is the one with kids so i give her a wide margin with that one. She is passionate about those kids and GOD i love how she loves them. I never want to do a thing that makes her feel torn and I put kids above any romantic wish for K.

Maybe in time I will sort things out. But if K has turned her back on me...she should tell me straight up. Silence is not doing anything to help figure out what is going on--our last flurry of emails were confusing because of my hurt and I asked to sort things out better before NC, instead NC went from sometime in jun-july-aug to OCTOBER. My email if K gets it will either make her feel supported and cared for no matter what she decides (my intention) or maybe it will make her realize she needs to let me off the hook so i can heal and she'll compassionately get the courage to contact me and tell me? I can handle either, i just dont want to guess wrong!! I guess i am pretty loyal and i am hanging until there is some kind of message that says.."let go." I dont want to guess at what NC means to her. Because all i hear in my head are words she said via email that i had not lost her, that it was my fear saying i had. That was during flurry of emails...and yes after that she said October when I said "i cant do june,july or august, it's hurtful for you to not consider my feeling and move NC around."

*****Whaaaa!! I am going around in CIRCLES, somebody STOP ME!!! LOL!!!!LOL!!! This is pathetic!!! LOL!!!! Quick who has a stunt gun or something thing!! A tranquilizer gun??!! somebody shoot me in the a*S!!! Whaaa!!! Make it quick! LOL!!!!****

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 3:28pm

God, you know how to flatter a woman.
I just don't know what to say, and for me, that is going a piece.

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 3:30pm

Bed time??? We're gonna have to do something about that! I think that's what the "come closer" was all about in my mind. lol

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 3:32pm

Caly,
I think that is good for me, too. I know that TiNG may have suggested that before, but I think maybe now it is time. When I get home tonight, that is what I will do. Write the letter and burn it.
Thanks

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 3:34pm

Well then! LOL! I must make sure I read all my posting before going to bed!! LOL!

Have fun today!

hugs

Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 3:42pm

((((((((Roxy)))))))))


Let me tell you that you are a SAINT for giving K space to figure out what she wants to do and to protect her kids. You obviously have her and her kids' best interests at heart. But she needs to have your best interests at heart too...she needs to be straight up with you.


I think it was ok that you emailed the BFF, and even if you don't know whether or not she'll send it on, at least you got it all out.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 4:15pm

Priceless, both of you are priceless. Thank you Ting!!

Yes, i feel writing that email made me feel better for a bit. And right now that counts for something. I am focusing on using spiritual principle (not religious) of compassion and acceptance and "let go let Universe" I use "universe" for GOD.

Work has me hopping which is good too!

Hugs!

ROxy

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