I need to suck it up...
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| Sat, 06-09-2007 - 10:13am |
The past two days I have been grouchy, extremely irritable and just a pain in the ass. I know this. I am having major anxiety problems. I always have major anxiety before we go on vacation. My anxiety is just being pushed harder because I know that my son is going with my parents for good and this is the last time at least for alittle while before he will be able to see his father. My thoughts are so jumbled right now. Right now I am back to the guilt. For the record I am still leaving, just having major head mess issues. This is so hard. My therapist said the hard part was admitting I wasn't happy and deceiding to leave. I see as the making the appropriate decisions to make the move harder. I know I need to do them. I know I am being a whinny but and I need to suck it up. I just feel so beat down here lately. I feel myself going into depression mode. (Maybe I need to start taking my meds again) I had a Dr. appointment yesterday and told him I think I need to be put back on my meds that I have been off of for about 6 months. I just can't seem to cope right now. I don't want to do anything., I know I need to do. I know I will reap the rewards in the long run I just gotta be strong. But I don't feel strong right now. Right now I feel like a piece of crap and I just want to hide in the corner and die. Let's just say I should be packing right now and I am not. I am on here trying to at least get all my feelings out.. hopefully after I have wrote this I will feel like packing everything.
Thanks for listening!

(((((((((Browneyes))))))))))
It is totally normal for you to be feeling this way. You're going to be making some very big life-altering changes in the next couple of weeks. You have a lot of strength and resolve, but you're human. And you're a caring person. Of course, you're concerned about your son. Let yourself wallow a bit. It's ok.
Meds may be very helpful right now - to get you over this hump. I know I wouldn't have been able to handle my divorce without them. They made me feel a little numb, which was exactly what I needed or I would have been a total basketcase.
Hopefully the trip this weekend will give you some time to relax and forget about it all. And, I'm sure the change of scenery will be good too.
Do what you need to do for YOU, sweetie.
Big hugs
Hey friend!
(((Brown Eyes))),
I know what you mean. I think it is so normal that you feel this way. That aside, make sure you are talking good care of you physically as much as you can. Exercise? I do and a main reason is so that I dont fall into a clinical depression (something i ad in my early 20s). I have read studies show hard exercise is as effective as some of the major antidepressant but you only get wonderful side effects, like a stong lean body.
Take care to stay away from natural depressants like alcohol and simple sugars with no nutritional value. I know...i sound like a dork (LOL) but depression had me in a head lock in my mid twenties and I had a hard time finding effective meds. Now, i actively take good care to prevent it. That plus i monitor my thoughts so i nurture positive thinking all the time. And get enough sleep.
If one ever suffers from a clinical depression, doing everything to avoid it is so worthwhile. Take good care. Actively take good care of you!
Hugs
Roxy
((((Browneyes)))
I agree with the others that what you are feeling is normal. I have a prescription for Xanax for situational anxiety. I took it when my son was having so much trouble, and then again in March when I thought my life was coming to a sudden stop. It is certainly just for temporary use. It DOES change you, I can always feel it working, like I am in the room, but not..looking at things rationally, etc. I think meds are okay when you need them. The problem is that most true antidepressants(rather than anti-anxiety) take awhile to enter and build up in your system. I am afraid that in the next two weeks you will need something sooner.
I wish you had somebody like a close friend or confidante to walk this walk with you. You know we are always listening here and many have felt your pain. It's not whining, and you can suck it up another time. Every day is a chance for you to make this positive change a reality. Stay strong, be true.
Hugs
Blue