she broke up with me
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she broke up with me
| Tue, 06-12-2007 - 3:34pm |
I am heartbroken. I held onto hope. She minimized us. SOunded so cold and business like. Said it was a coping mechanism. I cried cried and cried. She did not.It the cancer in her. I started to be for friendship but she sees it as a mistake...how do you ask someone who sees you as a mistake to be your friend. She sais she was so sorry she hurt me.
I did not do well. I feel terrible I feel apart and that added pressure to her. So now she wont want to me my friend because she hates pressure and conflict. I was not prepared. ugh. I am so sad

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((((((((((((Roxy)))))))))))
I'm so sorry.
Hon,
Are you saying that you had a conversation with her?? If so, when did this happen? God, that's just awful. I am so sorry.
(((((((Hugs)))))))))
Blue
Yes, it happened this morning. At around 11 am. It was god awful. She sounded so disconected said it was a big mistake. She never should have pursued me, yada yada yada.
I did terrible. Terrible. I cried, that put pressure of her. It agitated her, so i got more distraught. I did not say anything mean---the opposite. But because i sounded so distraught she decided it was not a good idea to haev contact. She asked what i needed...sounded silly for me to beg for friendship when she just feels like it something she will endure.
I deleted all emails and contact numbers so i wont be tempted to get back in touch.
Now i have to get myself together to do life. Because life goes on and a business needs me to be okay. I want to fall apart but i cant. She said she hated being gay ...that it had made a mess our of her life. Painful to hear as it is the best thing i learned about me. Sorry about typos, i am crying and we dont have spell chechker.
Roxy
It's okay, baby.
***I'm wrappin' you up in my arms and holdin' you tight.*** Cry all you want. We'll have more to say when the awfulness of today is over.
Hugs
Blue
OMG ...all this time i was so hopeful. I was so hopeful. It is nearly impossible not to take this in. OMG...she made it sound like nothing much. She said dont put her on a pedastal---i am very aware of her humaness..trust me. But it meant so much to me. Ugh.
Made my stomach hurt again. ugh
I emailed you btw
(((((Roxy))))
I have not received your email. Sometimes it seems like it is on delay.
But it's okay. You are okay... I know that we hope against all hope that things will go the way we want them to, and then it all falls apart right before our eyes. Nothing sucks more than not having the control, the option, the ability to make people see what may be good for them.
Major Hugs All Around and Giving You That Soft Place To Fall
Blue
"Nothing sucks more than not having the control, the option, the ability to make people see what may be good for them."...well I am jsut going to trust that she KNOWS that I am not good for her. She chooses to be in a het marriage that was dead but nor H has done a 180. I get the finances. I get the dependency she feels. I get that she wants/needs/deserves security. I get that she needs to minimizes us for all that to work in her head. She does not need me. If she wanted to contact me on her aon (not because i emailed her BF0 she would have. If she wanted to be my friend down the line, she could contact me, but she wont.
It takes a whole lot of courage to admit you are a married lesbian. She took step one step, and four back. Right now, i dont feel like I "am good for her" anyway. I represent change she does not want. I represent her kids world becoming rocked. Her H makes a handsome living. She loves her home and the ability to have time with her kids. I see she does not need me being a painful reminder or what she wishes she was not. Gay.
All Right, hon, let go of the rope. Just release it and let if flutter in the breeze. It's like a kite tail, moving away from you.
Turn slowly away. Check back(because you have to) and make sure the wind has really taken it away. She's going to a place where she will never be happy and by the time she realizes that, the rope will be tightly wound around her. Sad for her...
I know you are just aching inside. I know your head just wants to explode off your shoulders. I know you want the day/night to end now, 'cause nothing could be more awful than the pain you are experiencing right this second.
She might feel that you are not good for her, but you can't control that, and I don't want to see you begging for a change of her hardened heart. Would that be the relationship you want? I don't think she can see beyond what she has with the money, stability, etc. and she is obviously very afraid. Don't do this to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for her. I completely understand what you are seeking here, and I am afraid, like me, it's just not going to happen. Find yourself, the real, true you, inside and bring her forward. The real you is waiting to fulfill your life's destiny.
Hugs
Blue
Oh bluuuuue. me crying.....
sad Roxy...
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