I did it.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
I did it.....
11
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:00pm

So....I came out to my daughter today... For those of you who haven't read my past post about this, she's nearly 9. It was so scary! She has wondered about it for some time, and today she asked why I am always with my lesbian 'friend'. I told her because I really enjoy spending time with her. Then she asked...are you lesbian? So, I ended up telling her that I do find happiness by being in a relationship with a woman. She started crying, and I felt horrible right there in that moment. I felt selfish and guilty. But, I maintained my composure, and reiterated that I am still mom, and that she continues to be my number one priority. I asked what she was so unhappy about, and she ended up telling me that 1. She is worried about being made fun of and everybody finding out 2. She thought maybe I felt this way because of my gf. I explained that I understand being worried about people being mean. I tol her I would not put her in a position she's uncomfortable with....therefore, none of her friends, their parents, etc. have to know. I also told her that my gf is NOT the reason I have these feelings. She asked how long I felt like this, I told her since before I was in high school and that I had girlfriends in the past. She felt a bit better about that. She also said she still likes my gf and laughed when we talked about the funny things she does! I told her that this does not change me, doesn't change my love for her or anything like that. I told her life isn't much different, I just am in love with a woman and not a man. She talked about what if her dad makes fun of me...I was happy to tell her that he already knows and would never make fun of me for loving someone. That helped her feel a bit better. But she also picked up that the recent tension between my mom and I is because my mom doesn't agree with gay relationships. Gees, kids are so damn smart!!

So today has been a bit touch and go. I want to fast forward just to make sure things end up okay. I'm still feeling guilty, like maybe this is causing her more emotionally grief than it's worth. I worry that she'll internalize some of the stress because she doesn't want to stress me out. I'm still worried about showing affection in front of her, because even though she knows, she hasn't actually seen it...

My gf and I talked about all of this last night, and she's prepared for it all, but is also worried about me pulling away from her if my daughter is not approving. But....on another note....Although we've said 'I love you' to each other for a while.... She actually said 'I am so in love with you' last night! That was a biggie, because I had said that a while back and she was not quite ready to say it back...and felt awful about it. I completely understood and told her I wanted her to say it when she was ready to. And that I know she's been hurt in the past and is scared to completely let herself fall in love with me. So, that felt AWESOME!

Anywho....so now, I'll have to deal with the fallout from my daughter knowing from other family members. Her dad and my mother did not want me to tell her at all! They thought it was too confusing and emotionally damaging for her to know. So...I'm prepared now for them to be angry at me. But, there's not much they can do about it at this point I suppose.

Anns

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:18pm

Hi me!
I will be the first to congratulate you for takng this big step.!
I have a 7 and 9 yr old. This is all new to me, havent even had a gf yet and I am already worried how they will react. I have been told kids are resilient. Ting gives good advice since she went through it already. Trying to come up with a game plan about everything before doing anything. Only time will tell. I must say I envy you a bit. It takes courage to do what you did. I think once your family sees your dd is ok they will be ok too.
Way to go!

mich

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:58pm
Hi.. I think you handled it so very lovingly!~ Wow... good for you and good for your daughter that she and you can talk....You layed the foundation ..so now just take it little by little and let her know you are there for any questions she has and hugs unlimited *Smiles...
So sweet about your g/f's words..Just keep loving

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:58am

Mich,

Thank you for your congrats! I agree, that hopefully once family see that DD is alright, hopefully they will lighten up a bit. I know that they aren't so upset about me identifying as lesbian as they are about how it will affect DD. I just think time will prove that I am still a great parent, still have DD as # 1 and can love a woman....all at the same time! This board is so great for advice and support. Thanks again!

Anns

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:03am

Thanks! One thing I've always been happy about is that my DD and I are able to talk about the toughest of subjects. She's always felt like she can talk to me. I did tell her several times over that if she ever wants to talk about this more, has any questions, I will always talk to her about it and listen to her concerns because I understand that this does affect her. It did hurt that initially after telling her she didn't want to hug me....she wanted me to go away! :( Luckily that only lasted for a few minutes and then she was ready for a big hug!! That felt good! A weight is lifted....yet I still have butterflies in my stomach about it all....

And thanks about gf...that felt so good to hear from her. She's awesome and I'm so lucky to have such an understanding gal in my life! She rocks!

Anns

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 7:30am

Wow Anns!

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 7:33am
Yes, my mother's first reaction was "You are ruining Jordan's Life!" but I told her "Mom, Jordan already knows about me and is fine with it"

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 7:38am
Having that kind of relationship with your DD is wonderful and soo important, not just about this but about everything that will come up in her life.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:07am

Caly,

Thank you so much for your support! It's awesome to know that you have gone through this process and to know that your relationship with your son is going good. This board is exactly what I was looking for! Before finding this board, I felt very alone in this process, although I knew/know that I'm not. It's great to come here and know that alot of these women have the same concerns and similar experiences as me. This board feels so comfortable, and I am so thankful that I found you all!

Anns

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:43am

You did a great job! I hope you feel a sense of relief. I know how hard it is to say the words

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 7:42pm

Nice work crazylife.

I am taking all of this in. I can't wait for the time that I feel it is right to tell my own children. Sometimes I think it is today and then I think I'd better wait. My children are grown, and it probably won't be too much of a shock given the way I am, but it will still be VERY interesting. Thanks for showing me a way and as usual to the rest of the board, thanks for the enlightment and the calmness.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA

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