I did it.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
I did it.....
11
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:00pm

So....I came out to my daughter today... For those of you who haven't read my past post about this, she's nearly 9. It was so scary! She has wondered about it for some time, and today she asked why I am always with my lesbian 'friend'. I told her because I really enjoy spending time with her. Then she asked...are you lesbian? So, I ended up telling her that I do find happiness by being in a relationship with a woman. She started crying, and I felt horrible right there in that moment. I felt selfish and guilty. But, I maintained my composure, and reiterated that I am still mom, and that she continues to be my number one priority. I asked what she was so unhappy about, and she ended up telling me that 1. She is worried about being made fun of and everybody finding out 2. She thought maybe I felt this way because of my gf. I explained that I understand being worried about people being mean. I tol her I would not put her in a position she's uncomfortable with....therefore, none of her friends, their parents, etc. have to know. I also told her that my gf is NOT the reason I have these feelings. She asked how long I felt like this, I told her since before I was in high school and that I had girlfriends in the past. She felt a bit better about that. She also said she still likes my gf and laughed when we talked about the funny things she does! I told her that this does not change me, doesn't change my love for her or anything like that. I told her life isn't much different, I just am in love with a woman and not a man. She talked about what if her dad makes fun of me...I was happy to tell her that he already knows and would never make fun of me for loving someone. That helped her feel a bit better. But she also picked up that the recent tension between my mom and I is because my mom doesn't agree with gay relationships. Gees, kids are so damn smart!!

So today has been a bit touch and go. I want to fast forward just to make sure things end up okay. I'm still feeling guilty, like maybe this is causing her more emotionally grief than it's worth. I worry that she'll internalize some of the stress because she doesn't want to stress me out. I'm still worried about showing affection in front of her, because even though she knows, she hasn't actually seen it...

My gf and I talked about all of this last night, and she's prepared for it all, but is also worried about me pulling away from her if my daughter is not approving. But....on another note....Although we've said 'I love you' to each other for a while.... She actually said 'I am so in love with you' last night! That was a biggie, because I had said that a while back and she was not quite ready to say it back...and felt awful about it. I completely understood and told her I wanted her to say it when she was ready to. And that I know she's been hurt in the past and is scared to completely let herself fall in love with me. So, that felt AWESOME!

Anywho....so now, I'll have to deal with the fallout from my daughter knowing from other family members. Her dad and my mother did not want me to tell her at all! They thought it was too confusing and emotionally damaging for her to know. So...I'm prepared now for them to be angry at me. But, there's not much they can do about it at this point I suppose.

Anns

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 7:57pm

Aww what a great step!!! You sound like an amazing mom...because you are.

Hugs!

Roxy

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