question about therapy
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| Mon, 06-18-2007 - 7:01pm |
Hi everyone. This is my 2nd post today. I have a question about therapy. I have been seeing a therapist for at least a couple of months now. I told her last week about my epiphany (See other post "my moment"). All along I have felt she wanted to steer me away from the idea this attraction to this woman could be an indication of me being a lesbian. She has said many times that there's a reason why we marry who we do, etc. She's very into the unconscience and why we make certain decisions (she's a student of Carl Jung). I definitely married my husband for certain reasons-I see that now. He's a wonderful man-but the opperative word is MAN.
Anyway, I appreciate her wanting me to look at every avenue, and she was so great last week when I told her of my moment. However, she sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable. One week she asked if I wanted to reach out to the local lesbian community. I told her I wasn't sure I would fit it. She kind of laughed-like I don't really know who I am. Then I read where most women in my situation (married, but attracted to women) don't fit like they belong anywhere. That's me. I feel like a phony in both worlds at the moment.
I recently picked up a book by Joanne Fleisher-Living Two Lives-Married to a Man and in Love with a Woman. It's been so great. There are so many things I relate to. This author went through this very situation herself. She eventually divorced and has been partnered with a woman for 26 years now. But she doesn't say that's what everyone should do.
Anyway, one thing she said is this "I felt great relief with the absence of gender role expectations when I became intimate with a woman. I also discovered I was more able to experience and express my personal power with a woman than I was with men." Boy-that really resonated with me. I tried to tell my therapist this, and she questioned me. Why? Why does it matter I feel this way? I sometimes get the feeling she wants to correct it. Like she thinks if we do enough uncovering, I will find a way to feel more powerful with men. It just is. I like men. I have four brothers. I actually really enjoy men if I don't have to give them anything other than friendship. I know that now! I can be friends with my dh. I have a lot of affection for him as we have shared a life and had children. But I am not the best wife. I always marveled at those women who could be so feminine around men. I feel much more feminine around women-I feel so much more like a woman with this awareness!
Anyway, I feeling concerned about continuing with her. I also want to make sure I'm not just trying to get off easy with this process. She has helped me in a lot of ways. Did anyone ever change therapists while struggling with these issues? If I'm going to work my butt off to figure it all out, I don't want to take more steps backwards than I need to. It's tough enough!
Thanks for reading
Passion

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Passion,
"I'm glad we're on this journey together." Dontcha sometimes wish somebody else was paying for the ride? lol
The whole Jung thing.....give it another try, but I would think about moving on. My therapist NEVER questioned my motives, but just gave me thoughts about how to handle my life's desires and predicaments. I remember questioning her by saying that I didn't really know if I was gay(in whatever form), and she was very affirming with her answers. When I tell her I don't understand why everybody doesn't think like I do, while she doesn't have the answer to that question, she completely accepts my thoughts and feelings on the subject and helps me deal. I can't wait to tell her how many people I have come out to since we last met. I haven't been in about 2 months because of umpiring.
I just gotta state here that if you really loved cardboard boxes, I would be okay with it, but I would have to send you my cell phone number, so we could talk about this. lol
I mean cardboard boxes are nice and all, but a little tough for a true relationship! lol
Going to the gym--my kind of woman!
Hugs
Blue
"I told her I wasn't sure I would fit it. She kind of laughed-like I don't really know who I am. Then I read where most women in my situation (married, but attracted to women) don't fit like they belong anywhere. That's me."
Dont let anyone make you feel this way. YOU belong. I am a married lesbian and I belong, so do you! I think you might need a supportive lesbian friendly therapist. It took me a while to find one. Interview interview interview!
Hug
Roxy
Hi there!
I've just read the posts today cos I've been away from my computer for a week with the girlfriend in town!
Firstly, a VERY potted history: I've been depressive/anxious/whatever for about 19 years. I've been through therapists, counsellors and psychiatrists. I've been medicated, though I currently am not. It's taken me 10 tries, but I've finally found the ONE person who truly makes sense. She has no formal qualifications (apart from being a neuro-linguistic programming master) but she's been where I have been, she understands a lot of where I'm coming from, and I connected with her the first time I met her (which was NOT in a therapy setting). Suddenly, it's like someone's provided me with the instruction manual to my life! I no longer identify as depressive, and while I still sometimes get anxious, it's more of a "normal" level now.
I have had all the responses...the first counsellor I saw (who was a man too) actually sat and told me that "all my problems stemmed from teh fact that I thought I was gay"! When in actual fact, it was the ONE part of my life I was actually quite happy with! I had one who was SO down on some of my coping mechanisms I couldn't tell her about anything in the end. I left each of them (in the first case, he lasted 15 minutes). It can take time to find someone with a style and personality that matches yours. After all...we're sharing our most intimate secrets (sometimes stuff we didn't even know ourselves)-how can we do that if we're not 110% comfortable with them?
Hope you figure it out...it can be a rocky road, but it's well worth it when you find the right one :)
Gentle hugs,
Chris
www.rainbowinspirations.co.uk
http://rainbowinspired.livejournal.com/
Hello and welcome HD!!!! Might i know you from AJ?
Hugs
Roxy
Hi Chris. Thanks for the input. It's really hard to know what to do. She has been a big help in many ways, but I do feel some unease. I will make a decision after this next session. Now that I've told my dh about myself, I'm hoping to move on to a new phase of therapy-even with him. But he doesn't think he needs it.
This next part isn't going to be any easier than what I've already been through. Ugh-but it has to be done.
Passion
Thank you everyone for your welcome to this board! Yes, Roxy, you do know me from AJ. It's good to be here. I have to learn how to maneuver here but that will come!
H D 07
Once again
Morning, heartsdesire, and welcome.
This is such an awesome place to be a part of. The women(and you, too, SB) find time in their busy lives to give advice, solace, and kind words to each other as we move down life's path. Our co-leaders rock. We have been even known to disagree on occasison with no ill effects. That's what discussion is all about.
Hope you continue to post here. I think you will be an awesome addition.
Blue
H D 07
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