So this week I thought it would be interesting to talk about that phenomenon. Why is it true? Will you admit you have been tempted? (or done it? LOL) Is it Lust versus Love? Or do we form connection faster because we communicate better? Perhaps we do it because sex is safer with women? (no unexpected pregnancies). What about just sleeping around?
Oh my, this had me laughing, because I'm in that slightly infatuated stage myself at the moment...we've been together for 2 1/2 months, and it feels like the real thing for once (scary, but also very special).
I do know women who have moved in together after what seems like only a couple of dates, and it's always worried me. The only time I've lived with a partner, we'd been together over 1 1/2 years before we considered it (and it still didn't work out). I've been trying to figure out what causes it, and I have absolutely no idea. I've wondered whether we sometimes "settle" for what we can get because the pool of available women is smaller (various polls put homosexuality at about 10%-about the same as left-handedness). Or perhaps the lack of pressure to actually get married (even here where there are partnership laws, it's comparatively rare to do it) means that less importance is put on the moving together phase? Is it easier to give in to that infatuation because there is no pressure from society that if you're going to live together you'd better get married (and therefore no £1000s in divorce)? Personally, I think it's a huge step, and one that should only be taken when both parties are ABSOLUTELY sure that this is what they want.
Ahhh great topic!! I have NOT been tempted. But I have been on the receiving end of Uhaul Luv ( i did not mispell LOVE, called it luv for a reason...lol). It scared the beejesus out of me!!! I hope to never ever be on the receiving end because...my crush, lost her emotional center after we were intimate one (1) night and threaten to drink (she had been in recovery for 11 years), then threaten suicide, and threaten to out me...if i did leave my marriage for her. It took us months (lots of resisting) to get to that one night and then it went Kabloooy fast!!
She was my first experience and she gave me an ultimatum 2 days after we were physically together and when I could barely wrap my brain around what happened...she got really scaaaary. It scared me but it was with her i *knew* i was a lesbian! She ended up moving to NC. I never hear from her. It took me two and half years to recover and I had a time finding a good therapist to help. I have a good one now...4.5 years later.
I have NO clue why Uhual exists! I hope there a saner versions than mine, though! I am sure there are. You know women dont move that fast in het relationships. So i dont know why we do it. Looking forward to hearing theories though...!
This is not something I've ever experienced or would ever want to experience. However, I do wonder if the intense emotional connections that women have are related to the "U-Haul Syndrome". Caly and I met here in March of 2004 and got to know each other by phone and IM, emails, etc., for three months. I visited her in June, and we knew after that visit that we wanted to be together. It was right for us and has worked out beautifully. BUT, we spent A LOT of time in those three months leading up to our visit getting to know each other, and by the time I visited, we were on the same page with respect to our relationship.
So, I think love at first sight can happen and can work out, but I do think the connection has to be really deep and your intuition has to be right on target. I could never sleep around - sex is a big deal to me, and it's not something I ever wanted to experience with just anyone.
But I know what lust feels like. It's part of being human. Some women act on it more quickly than others. I'm one of the "others". ;-)
Love this story Ting!!! I am like you too, I take things slowly. I appreciate the sharing and connecting and the story unfolding slowly. I think it is valid for people to connect via online. In fact my therapist said, after i explained the nature of friendship and deep spiritual connection with H, she said, you might have to look far and wide to find that in the Les community. A connection like that is pretty rare. You might even have to find it LD. (Long distance).
I think you get help finding those that come close to your heart. How far apart did you two live?...if you dont mind sharing it
I agree about the need for long distance relationships in some cases. It's really hard, especially where we live (because it is such a closeted community) to meet women. We have several coupled friends who had long distance relationships before moving in together.
Caly lived in Vermont, and I live in Tennessee. It was a VERY long distance! Thank goodness she was in the position to move down to TN. The months between when we first met in person
I'd heard the joke, but don't know of anyone that has actually had it happen to them in real life.
I've never been tempted to bring a U-haul to a second date, and while I have had women tell me that they loved me within a matter of days, I've never had anything quite that impulsive happen.
I'm a little slower to put my feelings out there, but I once I do, you can rest assured that it's genuine.
It's funny, I always laughed at the uhaul relationships and said I would never do it. All my previous relationships stayed very surface. They were fun, but never got serious. I certainly never considered moving in with any of them. Never say never.
I met Jamie online and spent about two months getting to know her via IM and phone. We talked for hours and hours every day. I was definitely attracted to her (I had seen photos) but our connection wasn't lust. I fell in love with her so quickly -- we had a lot in common, but also differed enough that we looked at things from different perspectives. By the time I finally met her in person, I was head over heels. After that meeting, we considered ourself a couple, but we weren't talking about moving in together. I was still living out of state at the time, and we dated long distance for another month (visiting on weekends when possible). Then I moved to town (a move that was planned before we met) and into my new house, which I was supposed to be sharing with a roommate. We were thrilled to be living in the same city, and at this point were already talking long-term about how we'd like to live together someday. But we were serious about that "someday". We were thinking maybe a year in the future.
Then everything went crazy. My roommate went insane and I had no choice but to move out. It was Christmas and I had nowhere to go, so I moved in temporarily with Jamie, just until I could find a new apartment. It wound up taking about two weeks for me to find something. And by that time, we were so enthralled with the domestic situation we'd created that we hated to go back to living separately. Through in the fact that Jamie hated her current apartment, and the fact that the one I'd found was 40 minutes closer to her work, and the fact that BOTH of us were looking for looking for roommates...and we just looked at each other said, "Let's do it."
So we moved in together. It's not something I would have ever planned. But it's worked out wonderfully. I'm so happy now. And honestly, given the number of stressful things that happened the first six months we were together, I don't know that we could have survived it if we'd been living separately. Our schedules were SO crazy then, that we didnt have time to date. So for us, it really worked out for the best.
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So this week I thought it would be interesting to talk about that phenomenon. Why is it true? Will you admit you have been tempted? (or done it? LOL) Is it Lust versus Love? Or do we form connection faster because we communicate better? Perhaps we do it because sex is safer with women? (no unexpected pregnancies). What about just sleeping around?
Oh my, this had me laughing, because I'm in that slightly infatuated stage myself at the moment...we've been together for 2 1/2 months, and it feels like the real thing for once (scary, but also very special).
I do know women who have moved in together after what seems like only a couple of dates, and it's always worried me. The only time I've lived with a partner, we'd been together over 1 1/2 years before we considered it (and it still didn't work out). I've been trying to figure out what causes it, and I have absolutely no idea. I've wondered whether we sometimes "settle" for what we can get because the pool of available women is smaller (various polls put homosexuality at about 10%-about the same as left-handedness). Or perhaps the lack of pressure to actually get married (even here where there are partnership laws, it's comparatively rare to do it) means that less importance is put on the moving together phase? Is it easier to give in to that infatuation because there is no pressure from society that if you're going to live together you'd better get married (and therefore no £1000s in divorce)? Personally, I think it's a huge step, and one that should only be taken when both parties are ABSOLUTELY sure that this is what they want.
No idea whether any of that makes any sense!
Gentle hugs,
Chris
www.rainbowinspirations.co.uk
http://rainbowinspired.livejournal.com/
Ahhh great topic!! I have NOT been tempted. But I have been on the receiving end of Uhaul Luv ( i did not mispell LOVE, called it luv for a reason...lol). It scared the beejesus out of me!!! I hope to never ever be on the receiving end because...my crush, lost her emotional center after we were intimate one (1) night and threaten to drink (she had been in recovery for 11 years), then threaten suicide, and threaten to out me...if i did leave my marriage for her. It took us months (lots of resisting) to get to that one night and then it went Kabloooy fast!!
She was my first experience and she gave me an ultimatum 2 days after we were physically together and when I could barely wrap my brain around what happened...she got really scaaaary. It scared me but it was with her i *knew* i was a lesbian! She ended up moving to NC. I never hear from her. It took me two and half years to recover and I had a time finding a good therapist to help. I have a good one now...4.5 years later.
I have NO clue why Uhual exists! I hope there a saner versions than mine, though! I am sure there are. You know women dont move that fast in het relationships. So i dont know why we do it. Looking forward to hearing theories though...!
This is not something I've ever experienced or would ever want to experience. However, I do wonder if the intense emotional connections that women have are related to the "U-Haul Syndrome". Caly and I met here in March of 2004 and got to know each other by phone and IM, emails, etc., for three months. I visited her in June, and we knew after that visit that we wanted to be together. It was right for us and has worked out beautifully. BUT, we spent A LOT of time in those three months leading up to our visit getting to know each other, and by the time I visited, we were on the same page with respect to our relationship.
So, I think love at first sight can happen and can work out, but I do think the connection has to be really deep and your intuition has to be right on target. I could never sleep around - sex is a big deal to me, and it's not something I ever wanted to experience with just anyone.
But I know what lust feels like. It's part of being human. Some women act on it more quickly than others. I'm one of the "others". ;-)
Love this story Ting!!! I am like you too, I take things slowly. I appreciate the sharing and connecting and the story unfolding slowly. I think it is valid for people to connect via online. In fact my therapist said, after i explained the nature of friendship and deep spiritual connection with H, she said, you might have to look far and wide to find that in the Les community. A connection like that is pretty rare. You might even have to find it LD. (Long distance).
I think you get help finding those that come close to your heart. How far apart did you two live?...if you dont mind sharing it
Roxy
I agree about the need for long distance relationships in some cases. It's really hard, especially where we live (because it is such a closeted community) to meet women. We have several coupled friends who had long distance relationships before moving in together.
Caly lived in Vermont, and I live in Tennessee. It was a VERY long distance! Thank goodness she was in the position to move down to TN. The months between when we first met in person
I'd heard the joke, but don't know of anyone that has actually had it happen to them in real life.
I've never been tempted to bring a U-haul to a second date, and while I have had women tell me that they loved me within a matter of days, I've never had anything quite that impulsive happen.
I'm a little slower to put my feelings out there, but I once I do, you can rest assured that it's genuine.
I'll admit to doing it.
It's funny, I always laughed at the uhaul relationships and said I would never do it. All my previous relationships stayed very surface. They were fun, but never got serious. I certainly never considered moving in with any of them. Never say never.
I met Jamie online and spent about two months getting to know her via IM and phone. We talked for hours and hours every day. I was definitely attracted to her (I had seen photos) but our connection wasn't lust. I fell in love with her so quickly -- we had a lot in common, but also differed enough that we looked at things from different perspectives. By the time I finally met her in person, I was head over heels. After that meeting, we considered ourself a couple, but we weren't talking about moving in together. I was still living out of state at the time, and we dated long distance for another month (visiting on weekends when possible). Then I moved to town (a move that was planned before we met) and into my new house, which I was supposed to be sharing with a roommate. We were thrilled to be living in the same city, and at this point were already talking long-term about how we'd like to live together someday. But we were serious about that "someday". We were thinking maybe a year in the future.
Then everything went crazy. My roommate went insane and I had no choice but to move out. It was Christmas and I had nowhere to go, so I moved in temporarily with Jamie, just until I could find a new apartment. It wound up taking about two weeks for me to find something. And by that time, we were so enthralled with the domestic situation we'd created that we hated to go back to living separately. Through in the fact that Jamie hated her current apartment, and the fact that the one I'd found was 40 minutes closer to her work, and the fact that BOTH of us were looking for looking for roommates...and we just looked at each other said, "Let's do it."
So we moved in together. It's not something I would have ever planned. But it's worked out wonderfully. I'm so happy now. And honestly, given the number of stressful things that happened the first six months we were together, I don't know that we could have survived it if we'd been living separately. Our schedules were SO crazy then, that we didnt have time to date. So for us, it really worked out for the best.
Hey Roxy!
Hmmm *grin I can't wait to hear what else you have to say *smile
I will let you tell 'our' story though Baby.
I Love you.
*KISS
*Hugs
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