A Ringing Sensation...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
A Ringing Sensation...
52
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 9:36pm

I have a very serious question, but I can't even believe I am asking. I am looking for pros and cons to this with reasons why.

I want to know if you think I should remove my wedding rings when I go to my union event this weekend or leave them on. I don't want to misrepresent myself, but I don't want to put people off. Okay, I know this is weird and it sounds really awful, but please remember I am new to all of this and am trying to find my way. Is this a terrible thought? Should I even consider it? I don't even want to ask my therapist this question on Tuesday, so I'm asking you.

Please be nice and break it to me gently.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 7:18am

Hey Blue,


I don't have too much to add because Roxy, Laurie and Passion said it all so well, but I did want to throw in my vote that you wait and tell him face to face.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:16pm

That's the hard part, Blue--figuring out when to let it out. You don't want him to think you're ok with his plans and see the future as he does, but you also don't want to hurt him. I know how that feels. You've got good intuition. So, follow your gut. I can't see you waiting until you retire to tell him.


hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:18pm

"But the more I thought about it, no one can destroy another person unless that person wants to be destroyed."


That's so very true, passion. No one can be responsible for another person's happiness. We all have to be true to ourselves and no one else can make that happen.


Hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:21pm

I agree that life is full of risks, and if we want our dreams to come true, we have to take them. It's sad that sometimes happiness can't be attained easily - we all deserve it and shouldn't be so hard to make it happen.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:52pm

Thanks to all who had input on this thread. Here's how it is going down(so to speak). The rings are off and have been for days. I am going to take them with me for the times when I am with MY union people. Sometimes I won't wear them, just to ease them into it. When I am with others, they will stay off. I don't know what I expect to happen, but I am hoping something does. I intend to be as up front as possible and just be myself. What else is there.

I am moving closer to telling dh in August. This is WAY faster than anything I had ever dreamed of. I was planning on retirement, as some of you know. That way my work life would be safe, and then I could start fresh. Maybe my work life will still be somewhat safe, maybe not. I am not sure the world should know, but when I tell dh, who knows what he will do with the info. Sometimes things just change, I guess. I don't know if it will really happen, but it's a real time thought.

I am all packed for departure on Friday. Then a week in Philly whoooohoooo! I love the city, however. Good food, fun people, great places to party. Things will be good**she said hopefully**

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:46pm
Thanks for the backround info Blue. It put things more into perspective. I was wondering why he would go to Florida and you would not.
When do you get to retire?
So many questions...
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 5:16pm

Early retirement in about 2.-3 years. I have no desire........
I'm not the retirin' type, ya know?

I am such a mess and so settled all at the same time. How does this happen? I'm too old for this crap. For these feelings. I could somewhat go back into closet, I think. Dam, I've done it this long. I'll just die this way and who would ever be the wiser, except for the 9 or so people that I told and you guys. I would just make believe that I was funnin' 'em, that's all. Why is life so friggin' complicated?

All right, enough of the pity party. Time to get ready for the week.

Thanks for asking.
Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 9:30pm

Awwwwwwww Blue, your post just made me want to give you a big hug. When I left my husband and came out I moments too when I wondered what in the hell I was doing? But, I think deep down you know what I knew. That I HAD to be myself and that every inch of me was dying for the truth to be known so that I could just live my life. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in all this. :bighugs:

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:05pm

Thanks for the hugs, Shannon. I need them tonight.

You are right. I know what I know. I know rationally I am not alone, but emotionally, I think I feel like I am hanging out there with my heart and self so exposed. I get a "what will people think" thing going on. I live in such a conservative area, I couldn't even buy products I was looking for at the drugstore. They just don't carry them. That's another story, but it's part of the whole thing. I know I'm not supposed to care what people think, but I do. I just need to get over myself. lol

Thanks again. I'm workin' my way along.

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:46am

Sounds like a really good plan, Blue. Hopefully, DH will take the high road and keep the information to himself when you come out to him, but you're right - you really have no control over what he will do. My guess is that all will be ok no matter what he does.


So, are you going to be able to check in while you're away??


Hugs


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