It takes courage to be a...
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| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 6:31pm |
lesbian. I wanted to answer the Thursday thoughts thread, but am just frozen. I know it sounds silly to say it takes courage to "be" a lesbian. I know I've reached a point to where I had no option other than to start the process of coming out and living my life. But now that I've made so many moves to start that life, I'm terrified.
I now need to separate from my husband, find a place to live, help my children adjust to a new way of life with two different households and watch them grieve. I have to come out to my family and friends. I have to find a job for the first time in nearly 8 years. And I know I can handle all those things. What scares me the most is, I have no one waiting. No one to prove to me I'm doing the right thing-that I really am capable of living this life. The life I lead now, I know. I realize now that it's only been living in a cloud, but I've managed.
This new life-well-it's so untested. But I know there's no turning back, yet I'm not sure how to move forward. I've been feeling very vulnerable the last few days. I know I sound so insightful when I give out great advice to others, but I sit here and wonder how I'm ever going to accept who I am and be okay with having no one to reflect back to me that I'm okay, that I'm right.
So, there's my emotional state right now. I must say, besides my best friend who I lean on too much, all you ladies are my saving grace right now. To know I have a community to reach out to right now is making all the difference.
Hugs,
Passion

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That is a lot to take on, especially when you list it all out like that! And it does take LOADS of courage.. still, could you picture yourself knowing this fundamental truth about yourself and NOT acting on it?
You speak of having someone waiting. That someone waiting lives in the mirror..
~ Nony
Hey Nony. You're so right-about the someone in the mirror. I found so much strength after that post. See my reply to the Thursday thoughts discussion on what it's like to be a lesbian.
I have found my way and am moving towards it. Thanks so much for your support
Hugs,
Passion
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