It's so hard sometimes.............

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Registered: 04-08-2007
It's so hard sometimes.............
27
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 7:51pm

Edited by Shannon




Edited 7/16/2007 1:31 am ET by irishowl
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Registered: 04-23-2006
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 8:34pm

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 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

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Registered: 03-25-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 8:57pm

((((Shannon))))

I am sooooo sorry for you. I will tell you that there is nothing in the world like back pain. There is nowhere to go to escape it, hide from it, or make it go away. Drugs only help somewhat. It is torture every day, I really know that. Staying active has helped, sitting is the worst. I hope she is not sitting all day.

On the other hand, if you truly have a good relationship, her just saying that is how she deals with her pain is not very comforting for you. Loneliness in a relationship really shouldn't be happening. I agree with Caly that a heart to heart is in order. Here's where I might tend to disagree with Caly. The back pain may never go away. I have had two cortisone shots in my spine and they worked okay for awhile. There was some relief. You can only have three per year 'cause they are so hard on your liver. I live in pain daily that I know will never go away. It just is. My mom had them and nothing happened to her and she just lives with it. Shelley may never be out of her pain, so I am thinking that regardless of how it is for her, you need to talk to her. It may mean prying her away from the computer for a half hour to let your feelings be heard. Or maybe you have already let your feelings be known and there isn't the change that you need. In that case, you may want to rethink the relationship. I can tell that you certainly love and care for her. You are not a "selfish witch" to want a little open love in return. Remember, using "I statements" works much better in this type of discussion than accusatory statements. You don't want her to be defensive, but you do want her to HEAR you.

Well, remember this is only advice, given in good faith. Gather all that you can from the good people here and then make your decision. I'm pulling for you and the relationship.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 9:30pm

I can't take sides. But I know what it's like being away from a job that you love and all because of an injury to the back. That type of injury is very painful, and not to mention very depressing for the person that is in a relationship, with someone that has been subjected that kind of pain.

When Shelley's out of pain, please by all means, have your heart to heart chat with her, but also know that you have to take care of yourself. She probably isn't happy with the situation and is probably depressed. Be patient, be understanding and have some compassion. I don't know Shelley or you all that well. But, I'm pretty sure Shelley is a physical person and doesn't like sitting at her computer all the time.

Has she considered physical therapy? There are many different ways of getting better and working through the emotional pain of being put on disability. Believe me, it's no picnic for someone that's used to working and moving around.

So, there's my .02

Thanks,

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 10:04pm

Edited by Shannon




Edited 7/16/2007 1:32 am ET by irishowl
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Registered: 04-08-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 10:05pm

Thanks for the hugs. I'm sorry to whine, I just really needed to let it all out. I don't like going to our friends with this because they are our mutual friends and I don't want them to feel like they are in the middle of something.

Shannon

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Registered: 04-08-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 10:14pm

Blue,

I'm sorry to hear about your back problems, so many people seem to have them. She does live with pain every single day, and she has a very high tolerance for it. So, this pain she's having now is much much worse than what she usually has. The bulging disks are a new issue for her, she's not had anything major with her back since the initial injury 11 years ago. She is sitting all day because moving around causes her disks to shift and that is the worst for her right now. I don't expect her to sit around entertaining me when I'm home, I'm an adult and able to do that myself. What I need from her right now is for her to at least listen when I talk, even if she's playing her darn game! I told her today that when I talk all she hears is white noise. I need to be able to come home from a horrible day at work and have someone listen for a few minutes. It's hard and complicated......Shelley and I. Sometimes I feel like we are so dysfunctional. But, I also know the love is there, for both of us and I know Shelley feels that way also. I know that we would both feel pretty lost without the other. Anyway, I just needed to get all that out because it was eating at me.

Shannon

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Registered: 03-25-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 10:57pm

Shannon,

I'm glad you got to post here. Sometimes we just need to say our hurt out loud and then we get some relief. You are great to be there in the "good times and the bad." Shelley is very lucky to have you.

Don't worry about my back pain. I do appreciate your kind words. I try to ignore the whole thing and pretend that it just doesn't exist. My god, I teach Health and PE, I got this whole umpire gig going on, and people expect some degree of physicalness (is that a word??? lol) from me.

Stay strong. Shelley needs you to be there for her. Talk it out.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 12:10am

Hey Blue!

Yep, physicalness is a word now! I used to love all my Health and PE teachers from about 6th grade all through high school. All women and I had a crush on every single one of them! :lol:

I do feel better just getting it all out. I'm going to be very good to myself these next few weeks. I can't take care of Shell if I'm not being good to myself. So, I need to keep up with my walking and journaling my food intake and stress relief.

Shannon

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Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 9:56am
Wow! I know what it is like to live with chronic pain as I do too. I was assaulted when I was in the Navy and am on disability for my injuries. My injuries are in my C-spine, head, and knees. When my pain is bad I still go to the park with Sheila for our "walks". I sometimes fish or hang out while she does the long walk when I just cannot do the walk. Is there any way you can get her to involve herself with you? She can be with you without having to do the same thing you are doing.
We play computer games but we usually play at the same time.
I always ride along with her on errands too.
Checking out is a way to focus on things other than her pain.
I have learned over the years to push myself to do things because it is going to hurt if I sit or if I do things.
Sometimes doing things helps to take my mind off the pain for a bit or at least it seems like it is a bit more tolerable at times.
Do you two discuss this way of her dealing with the pain? Do you tell her how you feel? It is understandable, not selfish, how you are feeling.
Glad you were able to vent!
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

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Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 10:06am

(((((((Shannon)))))))))


I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm sorry Shelley is in so much pain. That's got to be difficult. I think you've gotten terrific advice, so I'll just add my hugs to the mix.


Take care and keep us posted.


Hugs


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