how do you truly know?
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how do you truly know?
| Mon, 07-09-2007 - 1:22am |
I have mostly slept with men in my life. I have only been with one woman several times over the past two years. It was a wonderful experience for me, having never been with a woman before. I hate labels but at first, I thought I might be bi-sexual. I am seriously beginning to question my sexuality and wonder if I am truly a lesbian. The thing is I never really had any "signs" that I was a lesbian when I was younger. I am 31 and feel like it is late in life for me to have this happen. I am just so confused and torn up inside. I ask myself this question over and over. Sometimes I come to the conclusion that I am a lesbian and other times I think I am second-guessing myself. In my experiences, I have tended to have a deeper connection with the one woman I have been with versus the men. I seem to be turned on by women but once in a while, I will find a guy attractive. Any advice???

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HI BW!
The question you ask is a common one and unfortunately the answer is only you can know.
Welcome to the board! Glad to have you here!
As I frequently say, I think our sexuality falls somewhere along a continuum with homosexuality at one end and heterosexuality at the other end. Many of us have been married and have been with men before...others of us have been strictly with women. For me, the strong, deep connection and pull to women that I have makes me know that I'm a lesbian.
Like Caly said, only you can know for sure who you want to be with. Just follow your heart. And don't worry about how old you are. We're never too young for love!
Hi bwcblue. Many of us here have asked that question. And it's true, that only you can answer that. I just started a discussion "What does it mean to be attracted" to someone. Read that one if you have time.
Anyway, I would strongly suggest therapy if you can. This is a very confusing and difficult, yet potentially exciting, life-altering stage you are experiencing. I'm 37 and facing this. But, I'm facing it for a second time. I have swung wildly all over the place. I told my husband last night I feel neutured at the present time.
For me, when I had the first realization I identified as lesbian, I was overjoyed and felt so much peace. But it's very hard to hold onto that peace because I realized how much this revelation will alter the lives of so many people. It's very hard for us women to put ourselves first and make decisions for just us. We are conditioned to be all things to all people, to not feel our feelings.
Anyway, I'm not sure I've helped much. I understand the connection with another women you talk about. It's very powerful. Explore it and seek out professional help, preferably from a "gay friendly" therapist. That' usually how they describe themselves in their profile. Let us know how you are doing!
Hugs,
Passion
Hey, bwc...this is not late in life. I am in my 50's and am in the process of coming out. I have been married for a long time, but I always knew. I am not sure what the signs are, except for a strong attraction to women. Some act on it, some don't. I'd probably ping your gaydar, though. lol
Welcome,
Blue
C >^. A .
Hey... glad you popped in and posted.. and I think
C >^. A .
I didn't realize where you lived. Yes, Northern Iowa is not SF! I'm originally from Central Illinois, so I understand the midwest and it's limitations.
Is moving back here an option? I'm in San Jose, so very near SF. It would be a much better place for you to explore this part of your life. More outlets here. How soon can you make the move?
In the meantime, I suggest you research the internet for late in life coming out stories for women. They really helped me connect some dots and made some bells go off. They weren't the answer, as that's only inside of you. But it can be one piece of the puzzle. And if you're doing that, it may help you feel like you're doing something.
Hang in there. This journey is not for the weak of heart! But sometimes I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hugs,
Passion
Hey BW!
I know there are parts of the country that are very 'not friendly' but I also think that for the most part, we are every where just closeted for obvious reasons.
The best place to start when looking for a GLBT support is PFLAG.
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