What does it mean to be "attracted"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
What does it mean to be "attracted"
24
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 6:50pm

So, that's a loaded question. I had this fascinating discussion with my friend this weekend, and then another good one with my therapist. My friend doesn't like the labels, thinks they're silly. Of course, she's hetersexual, never doubted it for minute. She says the reason this is a heterosexist world is because of procreation. She doesn't think she's homophobic at all. Ha!

Anyway, I got to talking to my therapist today. I asked her what does it mean to be attracted to someone-are we lead by our hearts or our genitals? Now, please go along with me here-I'm going somewhere. I know in my past, I never really "checked" women out. But I fell in love with a woman, and went on to have two brief physical relationships with women in my late teens/early twenties. But I never went around looking for them. My heart found them.

Do you think we woman are conditioned to ONLY look at men. Somehow we are "required" to mate up with a man. Of course, many or most women do tend towards that direction, so that's okay if they do. But I know that my heart has always found women, even if they were just close friends. My only strong, spiritual bond with a man has been with one of my brothers. But I feel much more intimacy with women. Are we women so conditioned not to trust our feelings that we just don't allow ourselves to go there? Is that why for some of us it takes until we're older-maybe stronger-to explore and acknowledge these feelings?

My friend said if it weren't for procreation we would all be lesbians. She said all women feel closely bonded with other women-need to have those bonds-and they can still be married and have those longings fulfilled with intimate friendships.

Anyway, lately I've really let myself check out women. I have to say, I like the way a woman moves her body. It's sensuous and mysterious in some ways. I like their backs and waists and well, other things. But when I'm looking, there's this voice that says it's unnatural to do this. Is that my inner homophobia? I do think men are attractive also, but I'm not fascinated with the way they move-it doesn't make me stare. This is new for me, because I never consciously checked women out before. I think I just turned it off for self-survival. I also doubt I would want to find someone based solely on those kinds of attractions. I know for me, my heart needs to connect with that person in a very deep way for me to feel the intimacy I'm referring to.

So, what was my original question? Yikes, there are a lot of questions here. Shoot away, I'm so interested in what you all think.

Hugs,

Passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 10:57am

Well, passion girl, I feel this way. Everyone has their hang ups. I don't have any. I accept people as they are. I feel that if a woman is a Lesbian then that's what she is, she was designed to be who and what she is. If a man is gay, that that's what he is.

I do not let the media control my thinking or my behavior. I'm in control of all of that. I don't let anyone or anything influence me one way or the other.

At this present moment, I am, who I am. I am working on my personal phobias on a daily basis. I would never infringe upon someone's right to be who and what they are, and how they were created to be. It is my duty as a child of my creator, to love them, unconditionally and to accept them as I wish to be accepted.

It takes a strong person to stand up to society and tell it "to back off, I'm going to live my life how I see fit, and as long as I'm not hurting anyone who are you to tell me how to live my life". There are too many miserable people in this world, afraid to live their life. I'm not one of them.

Peace,

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 9:05pm

I just read this Shannon...and you put it down so well. It affirms my lesbian emerging self. Thank you! Hugs...Roxy

"Passion,

I don't know if women are more naturally drawn to men, but we are raised to do so. Most people assume that their children are straight. A friend of mine has a 1 year old daughter and she made a comment that she hopes her daughter marries a man who is the same ethinicity. I was quick to remind her not to assume she would marry a man. When I was a kid my Mom never told me a fairy tale about Cinderella finding her princess, it was always the prince. It was assumed I was straight and would marry a man and have children of my own.

I do think most women have close bonds to other women, but that does not mean they are gay. A close loving friendship with another woman does not a lesbian make......:lol: I don't believe that most women would be lesbians if it were not for procreation. Some women have a strong deep desire to be with a man and some have the same desire to be with a woman.

Attraction for me is part heart and part lust. The first part of attraction for me is always someone's personality, intelligence and humor. If that spark is there, the physical attraction becomes very intense for me. I love how a woman feels, the curves and softness of her body. I love the intense emotional and physical connection that I can feel to the right woman.

Shannon"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 9:30am

You are soooo right about the media. I was in the docs office yesterday and I picked up the Cosmo. You know, "75 Hot Sexy Tips to Keep Your Man." And there are so many others. I'm thinkin' "Do I read this and just substitute woman for man?" I watch those commercials for eHarmony and I have NEVER seen a gay couple testimonial. There must not be gay people-female or otherwise-who are seeking a relationship, is all I can figure. lol

fgpblue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 10:17am

I do the same thing-when I see one of those articles or I'm reading anything about a relationship, I just think about substituting woman for man. But you know, it's still not the same. 75 ways to please a woman would be a whole other article. It's a hetersexist and patriarchal world!

But really, it's scary how conditioned we are. Or how conditioned we're supposed to be.

No, no gay people are looking for relationships because we aren't capable of long-term commitment-right? That's one of the arguements. Blah blah blah. Isn't it amazing that women and women and men and men seem to find each other anyway-even with the entire world fighting to keep us apart?

fgp-I love the new acronym

Hugs,

Passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 10:32am

You are totally correct. It's not the same with the substitue. We are soooo conditioned into our gender behaviors for almost all of our behavior, that it takes a wickedly strong person to move beyond the condidioning.

I felt almost guilty playing "army" as a kid, because girls just didn't do that. I wanted to be the captain or whatever and lead. Baseball!?!? Girls didn't play that. Only boys. Around here if you wanted to play a sport it was field hockey or lacrosse. That was back in the day, of course. Women who played softball were all dykes and I wasn't allowed near that sport. I joined the Civil Air Patrol when I was a sophmore in high school and my mom made me withdraw because she thought it would make me gay. You can see she's come a long way.

Glad you like the new moniker. I'm just trying it on for size. lol

Hugs

fgpblue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 5:29am

Blue, about those e-Harmony commercials;


They won't do gay matching, only het. THAT's why you've never seen a gay couple testimonial from that organization.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 9:28am

Oh, wow, I never knew that. Seems they will be not getting money from a serious source of income then. "Match" does, don't they?

Thanks

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 6:21am

I think match does, but can't say for certain.


Can anyone else answer this???

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 9:15am

I read someone connected with another woman on Match.com....i guess it does. I have heard about pinksofa.com too.

Hugs
Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 8:26pm

Hi There,

I really enjoyed reading your post and have needed someone to talk about that very issue for some months now. I'll fill you in on a little of my history so you see where I'm coming from. Let's see where to begin........

Over the past months have become very" attracted" to the instructor of my kickboxing class. I don't know if it is the endorphines of excersie or that she looks very good working out.But regardless I find myself attracted to her. I to have been with 3 women before. In my late teens and early 20's. I thought I had "got it out of my system". I'm now married(to a man) have two small children and pretty much plan on staying this way for the rest of my life. Here is the problem I can't get her out of my head. We have become friends even after I told her of this crush I have for her. (She turned me down. She is married too!) But we are still persueing a friendship.

Anythoughts on my "attraction" situation? Looking forward to hearing back from someone who might just know where I'm coming from. I wasn't looking for this to happen it just did. I think your heart is a lot smarter than your head most of the time. Except mine just might get me in trouble.

today2007