The Never Ending Story
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| Mon, 07-09-2007 - 6:56pm |
Feeling a little low right now.
A number of years ago, ds got himself into a bucketful of trouble. He was doing substances he shouldn't have been doing, stuff he shouldn't have been doing, and drinking a lot. Through day treatment and some time in a facility, he has gotten on the right track. Ya know, though, that stuff has a way of never letting you alone. Last Friday, one of the boys that used to be in that life hung himself in his jail cell. Now my son is really bummed. The viewing and funeral are going to be private and he has no way to mourn.
Also, his present roommate, who I did not want him to room with, got out of jail last month. My son had another guy rooming with him from about November until now. The jail guy is back just kind of camping out in the living room. Ds got home today to find him hanging out the window shouting at the police with the machine guns surrounding the place. There weren't any. The apartment complex is on him about this guy, and I can't blame them. I think that the boy's mom is in Michigan and his brother is in Cancun. Here's my boy bearing the brunt.
I need you to know that this family is not the type that is EVER visited by the police or has anything to do with the law, except that I drive too fast. lol This has been a very painful and disconcerting 6 years for us. Now that we thought we were over it, WHAM, here we go all over again.
Finally, today ds got a letter from the District Court of Philadelphia to report to jury duty in August. That is when we have booked him a little vacation to CO.
Apparently, this is all my fault, although I am at a loss as to why. Ds is coming home tonight so we can work some things out. The last thing he said about 10 minutes ago was that I needed to stay home more. How that would solve any of this is beyond me. I may not be leaving tomorrow and I am pretty sad about that, but if he needs me, I will stay here.
Really Blue

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Hey Blue-this is really rough. I remember when I used to complain about my son when he was younger, my friend told me to appreciate those problems, as they only get bigger and more complicated as they get older!
I hate when the parents get all the bad rap. There are some crappy parents out there-I've seen a few in my teaching years, as I'm sure you have. But as I told my friend recently who was so worried her kids wouldn't turn out okay-I told her that when a kid has good parents, the odds are good in that direction for all kids. But there is very little you can do with individual differences in kids. Some just come to us with such intense personalities, or tendencies towards substance abuse, you name it. And you can parent the best you can, but they make the wrong decisions anyway.
I taught emotionally disturbed kids. It really troubled me how many people liked to ask me how messed up the families were. They wanted me to tell them how the parents messed the kids up. Sometimes that was the case. But many times, parents got a kid that had so many "demons" and the parents did the best they could. As a matter of fact, most parents went so far to save their kids that they lost their own lives, or sacrificed other children to make it work. It's a very tough situation to be in.
There are no easy answers-as you know. Now is the time to be gentle on yourself. It's so hard not to place blame on ourselves when dealing with our kids' problems. It's not all your fault, keep repeating that to yourself. I hope you don't have to give up the next leg of your vacation.
Take care of yourself.
Really big hugs for Really Blue
Passion
{{{{{{{{{Blue}}}}}}}}}}}
I am so sorry that your family is going through such a rough time. Please know that none of this is your fault. People make bad choices and they have responsibility for that. Your son may just be lashing out at you because he's upset and doesn't have an outlet for that anger.
I hope your son can find some way to grieve and mourn his friend. Suicide is very tough on those left behind. I had a friend hang himself 12 years ago. I wish I had some wonderful advice for you to make these tough times easier. But, I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. Take care of yourself and keep your chin up,
Big Hugs,
Shannon
(((((((Blue))))))))
This is NOT your fault and you are a GOOD mom.
{{{{{{Blue}}}}}} After you read this you may not want to talk to me again or read anything else I post, but that's ok. You need to understand that this situation isn't your fault at all. If I were you, I wouldn't accept any responsibility for this. Your son's a grown man, right? In my opinion, he's responsible for everything he does, legal or not legal. You are the mom and he's still your child, it's not the other way around.
If he wishes to act like a child, then may I suggest that you MAKE him grow up and start acting like the man that he's supposed to be. If I do remember, you are a grown woman and you have a life to live. He's just starting. You are not bound to that house any more and he's supposed to be depending on himself, no excuses.
I've only met you once, and you seem to be an honest woman and I believe you when you say that the police don't bother you(except for your speeding lol!). You are a grown woman and you are on vacation. It's not like you're teaching the grade school kids that you teach during the regular school year. You're not responsible for him anymore.
Furthermore, if he were my son and he brought one of his friends into my home, and the friend was camped out in the middle of my living room, I would give him and my child an ultimatum. Either get out now and be free, or be removed by the police and not be free.
So, put your foot down and let your son know who the adult is.
Thanks,
Sebastian.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
C >^. A .
DH is gone for the whole summer which is where you would be too if you wanted to be. So this is not your fault.
These are adults making their own decisions, even the one who decided to commit suicide made his own decision.
You did not cause any of these people, including your son to make any of these decisions.
Just be there for him to talk at times but live your life too.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Ohhh {{{{{{Blue}}}}}}
Sounds like you are the one who needs someone to be there for them.
Oh Blue ((((BLUE))) I am so sorry this has happened. It must be painful but I dont see how this is your fault. Kids become their own people. Hang in there..this too will pass.
BIG HUGS BLUE!!!
(emai me if you need too/want to)
Roxy
Blue... worried about you. Are you okay? Let us know when you can.
Hugs
Roxy
Hey Roxy!
Blue is well and fine and here with us!
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