I'm moving out

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
I'm moving out
30
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 12:01am

Hi everyone. So, I went apartment hunting today. Things at my house have deteriorated so much that it just isn't healthy anymore. I realize now how emotionally inmature my husband is. He's a good man, but really has no way to process this whole thing and refuses therapy. The mood here is awful.

I found a place. The price of living here is so high, but what can I do? I found a small place and we are going to have the kids a week at a time. It's kind of a transition right now. I can't stay in an apartment forever. But there's no way I can get a home right now either. Babysteps. I also have a parttime job homeschooling an emotionally disturbed boy for a couple hours a day. So I have income to supplement what my h will give me.

I know it's right, so how come I feel so yucky? I know-it's yucky. It really seems like a dream most of the time. But it has to happen. Sometimes I feel numb. So much of the excitement I felt when I realized who I really was is gone. Will it ever come back? Last night I just walked through the evening like I was sleep walking.

I know many of you have been through this. And it helps to know you've survived. Now I have to tell people, and I can't even fathom that. I won't tell them about me, just about the separation.

Well, I'm rambling now. I'm so tired and tired and tired. Thanks everyone.

Hugs,

Passion

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 8:17am
Oh (((((Passion))))).
I am sorry it has gotten so bad. Maybe it will be good once you move out, for you I mean. Maybe you can get on with your life.
Maybe you feel yucky because of the unknown. This is a new territory for you. You are stepping out on your own and thinking of you for a change. It is ok to do that. You should not feel guilty about it.
It is natural to grieve something you are leaving behind, your marriage. I think you are going through normal feelings and just need to go through the process.
Plus being on your own is new. You will be alright. Maybe you and dh will be able to process through this better with some space between you.
I hope it gets better soon.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 8:49am

Passion, that is a HUGE baby step!!! I am so proud of you. The feelings you describe are completely normal. Big change and change can feel very yucky indeed.

Yes your feelings (positive ones) will return. Be extra gentle with yourself.

Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 2:32pm

Oh, wow, passion. What guts. It emotionally must really suck right now. I can only imagine. I am really watching what is going on right now, because I think my dh will be like yours. I just don't know. I am trying hard to think of all the things we must do. Find a place to live, get a lawyer, take care of the kids, on and on. Everybody says that it is worth it, though, and I have to go with that idea.

(((Hugs))))

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:33pm

Hey Blue. Thanks for saying it took guts. I went out to my dh's work to get some necessary paperwork the apt and he said he wanted to talk. Asked me to stay two more years until the youngest is in school. I can barely stay two more days-let alone years. So it took more guts today than I thought I had. I know what I need to do for me. Why is it so hard for us women to put ourselves first? I had to sit in my car and sort out my outside voices from my inside ones before I signed the papers.

I'm emotionally a wreck. I know I have to grieve and remember that this is the death of my marriage, even if it's worth it in the end. I want some peace.

If I can do it, you can do it for sure.

Hugs,

Passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:47pm

Thanks Laurie. It has been pretty bad. We all just move around the house like we don't exist to each other. The life is out of our house. I hate it. I want some joy back in my life and now I'm worried I'll never find it again.

I went to sign the papers for the apt. My dh at the last minute asks me to stay two more years til the youngest is in school. I told him I couldn't do it. I know it will be tight financially and child care wise-but I can't spare my emotional well-being. I feel so selfish, yet I know it's right.

It's definitely new territory for me. I haven't been along in years. It's scary as heck. The unknown-well-it's the unknown. I feel crazy sometimes. Like I'm doing all this so I can feel the arms of another woman. YES! I at least want the chance at that.

Thanks so much for supporting me. I feel very alone right now.

Hugs,

Passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:50pm

Hi Roxy. It was a big baby step. I feel so awful-I know I need to just feel the emotions. I want to curl into a ball. And my dh made it worse by asking one last time for me to stay for two more years. Just last week he said he was at peace with me leaving. UGH. I just bit the bullet and signed the apt papers today.

So, here I sit just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

Thanks for the support

Hugs,

Passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:54pm

Oh my goodness ((((Passion))). Two years...what an eternity. I have to say, I love your courage and clarity. You are strong. You are going to be alright. More than alright.

Hang in there...a day at a time

Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:02pm

Oh my, ((((passion))). I think my husband may do that, also, but we have no children at home. I think your dh must not be comfortable with parenting alone. I know that though it is going to be hard, you can do it standing on your head.

I hear you about other entanglements. You need to get you to where you want to be first. I'm pulling for ya!

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:33pm

Hi Blue. I know he's really afraid of the parenting. I'm trying to be compassionate about that. But also, I feel a bit annoyed. This man has let me parent alone for our entire marriage. I have asked many times for more involvement, and I either get nothing, or only when he sees fit. I really stopped trying a while ago. It wasn't until I started shutting down that he panicked and pitched in. I know many men will get away with as much as possible. But children are a gift, and I always hoped he would realize that. I think he's realizing it now.

I can do it standing on my head. I know it makes it harder, but I also know once I'm out and free, I will feel so much better.

I hope your dh doesn't do it, but he may. It makes it a bit harder. But I was resolute. I kept my compassion, but stood firm.

Yes, and when I'm where I want to be, hopefully there will be someone with no entanglements. Pulling for each other

Hugs,

Passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:35pm

An eternity is right. No way I would make it. As hard as it was, I had to do it. I'm sure eventually I will feel much stronger. Thanks so much for your kind words. You all are keeping me moving!

Hugs,

Passion

Pages