letting go of family life
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| Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:28pm |
So, this weekend is the annual camping trip we always take with several other families. We've been doing this for years, and have so much fun together, watching our kids grown. So my dh decided not to go. It's a good idea we don't go together. I've decided to take the older two kids and leave the little one with him.
I need to get away and I know the kids will really have fun. However, I'm not ready for everyone to ask where dh is. I will have to lie. I can't say "Well everyone, sit down by the fire and let me fill you in on my life. I'm a FGP and my marriage is over. Pass the marshmallows". No, can't do that. So lying it is. However, I'm a terrible liar. On the drive over the hill to the beach (I'm looking forward to that) I will be practicing my lying face. Because I'm so raw, I figure everyone will know. But I'll probably pull it off.
Also, I'm feeling sad, as I just realized for real that our family life is over. Or at least for now. Maybe someday we can come together as a family for somethings. But for now, it's no longer. It is a great loss, I can't pretend it isn't. I'm trying to hold onto the greater picture, but it can be hard. So hard to see the future. Where's my crystal ball?
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Just a good scream. Gotta get packing more stuff into the truck. Thanks for listening FGPs and gentleman. We need a good acronym for Sebastian. If he wants one.
Hugs and smores,
Passion

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I was talking to a friend who rooms with me at union events about divorce and she was saying how hard it is to do holidays and family events, etc. She divorced years ago and has come to terms with everything. That's what I meant about giving it all up. I just can't see where my partner(if there ever is one) and I will be invited to my grandkids baptism(if there is one), graduations, and other places where my dh will be invited because it won't be HIM causing the break up---it's me. Wow, it scares the crap out of me to even think about that, but we have to.
I know you will be fine. This is only the beginning. Each new event that comes along will be easier and easier once it's out there, so to speak. I am glad that I don't have anybody right now, so they can't be blamed for "turning" me gay or be the cause of a split. We will be okay, hon. I think we are survivors.
Hugs
Blue(fgp)
Well, truck's all packed and just waiting for dh to get home so we can take off. I looked like such a fgp person loading the truck. My mom would be appalled. I have on baggy camouflage shorts, t-shirt, old tennies, and my hair's cropped pretty short for summer. I was climbing in and out of that truck bed and on and off the tires in a most unfeminine way. And I loved every minute of it :-}
Anyway-about family life. After reading your reply I just reminded myself that while this is hard and I'm giving up a lot, if I chose the alternative and stayed put, I would be giving up a lot more. If I can just remember that, I can survive. When I mentioned sacrifice to my therapist she put it into perspective. She said in the word sacrifice there is the word "sacred". In the sacrifice there is new life and great reward. So, that helps me too.
We are moving forward. We are survivors-most definitely.
Hugs,
Passion
It sounds like a good get away for now. I hope it goes well.
Miss you 'till you get back.
Hugs,
Laurie
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It will be difficult to adjust to the different family dynamics you will experience and will probably take a while. It's taken me a few years to put the past behind me and come to terms with the new relationship I have with XH. I finally feel like I have moved on and have severed my connections to XH except for our relationship as parents to DDs.
We would have celebrated our 15th anniversary two weeks ago, but I felt no emotion about it. The day was just a normal one, and I'm glad I'm at that point. You will be too.
Hugs
You know what, I think you and your possible partner will be at those special occasions. At least I hope you will be. XH and I are able to attend functions for our DDs, and Caly is there too. He may not always like it or feel comfortable, but that's the way it is, and it's not going to change. We just sit apart but enjoy the events just the same. When we first divorced, we actually sat together at DD1's games (she was a cheerleader for a brief time). And, our divorce was pretty messy.
Hugs
Try to enjoy your time with the kids.
GnS
Aww Passion, keep your chin up. I hope you have a great time! I hope in time that you will still have that family life, even if your marriage is over. When I left my XH I really hoped I could have some contact with his family, his Mom especially because she and I were very very close. I mourned losing her, but never mourned losing my marriage because I was such a miserable pretend Het woman.
You are a survivor and this experiance will remind you of how strong you really are. After my divorce and coming out I felt so powerful, because I knew I'd been through something rough and come out on the other side a better person.
I love what you said about the word sacred being in sacrifice, that's so true.
Shannon
Hi Shannon. I really did think at the beginning of this whole crazy journey that when I was true to myself, and present myself to the world in that way, that everyone in my life would benefit and my relationships would improve, even with dh. Now I'm just so unsure. But there's a lot that's unsure. I really love my mil too. We'll see what happens.
At times I would feel so powerful-waiting for that to come back too. Survivor is right. This is the most trying experience of my life, but I will survive it. Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm looking forward to sharing the journey with you all
Hugs,
Passion
Passion,
One thing to keep in mind is Time.
It's good to know that it is a possibility. The same happens in the hetero world. It's just uncomfortable.
Hugs
FgpSue
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