Children

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Children
12
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 1:34pm

We all know the joke........."What's a lesbian bring on her first date?" A UHaul "What does a lesbian bring on her second date?" A turkey baster! :lol:

This is just a general "kid" discussion I guess. I know many of you already have children. Is anyone here planning on adopting or TTC, either as a single person or with a partner? If you met the right person and they wanted children would that sway your feelings?

Is the "kid" issue a deal breaker for you? Anyway, I just thought I would throw this out there because there are so many gay couples raising children and having children together and I'm curious to see everyone's opinion.

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 1:47pm

I'll answer my own questions..........

I've always known I would have children and that has always been the plan with Shelley and I. Shelley loves kids, but she has no desire to be pregnant or give birth. That works out well for us because I do have a strong desire for that. Also, given our ages it's more practical that I bear our children, I'm 31 and Shelley is 41.

We had planned to TTC with anonymous donor insemination in the summer of 2006. We had selected a donor, I had filled my presciptions for Clomid and HCG injections and bought a dozen ovulation sticks and pregnancy tests! We both got a mild case of cold feet, because of our contractor saga and school. So, we have put off our baby making plans until I graduate in December 2009. Once that happens we will start doing Clomid/HCG injection IUI's.......up to a max of 6 cycles. We know that I have fertility issues (polycystic ovarian syndrome and endometriosis). We have no plans to move on to in vitro fertilization if our IUI's are not successful. At that point we would move to adopting out of the foster care system. We know several lesbian couples who have done with and created beautiful families this way.

Our close friends and family know our plans and are so excited for us to begin that part of our lives! We have alot of support which is nice. Our state recognizes lesbian partners as the second parent on a birth certificate, but we also plan on doing a second parent adoption just to cover our bases legally speaking.

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 2:33pm

I dont have kids. I love them /like them/do great with them...but never had that huge URGE to procreate. I am at awe just how much it takes to raise them. H had kids from first marriage all grown so when we got together he was okay that i really did not want kids.

I tend to not do things just because..usually I have to feel passionate about it. Always had peer pressure to have them because when people see me with kids, they think I'd make a great mom. I am practically immmune to peer pressure..which is a good thing if you are a female gay person...lol.

So...never expected to fall for someone with two young kids (9 and 11). All that is on hold or on friendship mode for now or maybe for good--cant tell. But...I dont know. I think kids add another element to a relationship. I would not ON PURPOSE seek someone with kids. Thinking about how hard being a step parent --add that the female gay person issue. It would give me pause...not a deal breaker--not at all. Just not something I would on purpose seek to only date women with kids. Does that make sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 2:39pm

"Our state recognizes lesbian partners as the second parent on a birth certificate, but we also plan on doing a second parent adoption just to cover our bases legally speaking." That is really good. Awesome for the two of you.

You never know what will happen in the future and you want to protect your family and parental rights. I know a couple of women who wanted a baby so badly...only to "divorce" a few years later. It was messy and very ugly, another woman caught the eye of the main provider. I think having a prenup type of agreement when you start sharing assets and property plus adding to the family makes really good sense. Get a really good foundation legally.

In florida gay couples CANNOT adopt legally thanks to gov Bush.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 2:53pm

We are really fortunate to have so many protections for our family in this state, which is one of the reasons we will stay here forever even though we would both like to move. Because we are domestic partners if we broke up we would have to go through divorce proceedings, so if we had children we would have to work out the custody issue as part of the divorce. We both went through our parents nasty divorces as children and that had alot of impact on both of us. I do think that even if we broke up and hated each other with a passion that we would still be able to coparent. We've agreed that if we break up and have children that we will both live within the same school district until the kids graduate so that we can have joint physical and legal custody and the kids can have us both in their lives equally.

The kid issue is a deal breaker for me in the sense that I would never have commited the rest of my life to a woman who did not want to create a family with me. I know that I would not be happy not having children.

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 3:58pm

So good you have found a state that affords you all of this and so wise that you both have talked about it. Yes, the kid thing is a HUGE issue--good that you both have so much clarity on this. I could love someone with kids. I have not thought about "marriage" again (het marriage makes me want to be done with Marriage)...so therefore the issue of *starting* a family is just not one I'd thought I'd ever face.*smile*.

But i am happy to hear when others find their dreams. Glad you found yours.

Hugs
Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 6:19pm

Hi Shannon, all that I ask is that you just please read this:

Before my transition, I had the brief but wonderful experience of being a parent. My ex-girlfriend and I had a baby the old fashinoned way. Long story short, 9 months and 10 hrs later we had a baby girl.

Her mother took her out of my life, and I did nothing to cause that. To this very day, I don't know where they are. But, when I did have the brief joy of helping another life come into this world, it's one I will never forget. If I meet a woman that has children, and everyone is comfortable with each other, then I would consider having children come into my life.

But on the whole, it really isn't my wish to adopt children.

Thanks for the question,

Hugs,

Seb

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 7:43pm

Oh my goodnes Seb. This totally broke my heart to hear. I am so sorry. ((((Sebastian))))

Hugs
Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 9:02pm

Thanks for responding, roxy. In the beginning it took me a long while to get over the pain and anguish and I'm not being dramatic either.

But, as time has gone by, I've gotten over it. I do admire people that can either have children or adopt and stay together and have a happy family. I guess, I'm not the parent-type. Except to a kitten that gets jealous when I get on my computer.

But, she's a baby, she'll get over it. lol!

Thanks,

Hugs,

Seb

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
In reply to: irishowl
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 9:10pm

I'm so sorry Sebastian. I hope my question didn't open up an old wound, that wasn't my intention.

Hugs,
Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: irishowl
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 1:57pm

Hi Shannon,

I'm sorry that I didn't respond to you earlier, school insanity. No, friend, you didn't open any old wounds. I like to talk about children and I do wish to possibly adopt one, but it's not in the cards for me.

But like I said, I do admire lesbian couples that have children from their previous marriages and/or relationships. Not only do I have a soft heart for cats I also have a soft spot in my heart for children.

But thanks and hugs,

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

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