Hello to all! I am new ..Help pls...
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| Sun, 07-22-2007 - 6:26pm |
I hope this isn't inapropriate for this forum, but I have some questions I never thought I'd be asking in a kazillion years. I never have considered myself to be a lesbian. I have always been single, and the only relationships I've ever had have been with men. I just turned 50 a few months ago.
I am confused. I think I may be in love (or is it just infatuation?) with a woman I know. I have known her for almost 2 years, and I work with her almost every day. We have become good friends and help each other out frequently. She's a single Mom, and in her words, "strictly dickly". We are on the exact same wavelength on many things and both share a similar sense of humor. Until recently that was pretty much it, good buddies, work well with each other, that kind of thing.
What happened? I don't know... part of it started when she got her hair cut, I think. She is cute to begin with, short and chubby with sparkling blue eyes and big boobs, a quick laugh, a kind heart, and a wicked sense of humor. The hair cut really brightened and enhanced her features.
My problem. The nature of our job means that we work in very close physical proximity to each other. Recently when that occurs I am all at once stimulated, embarrassed, ashamed, entranced, and extremely happy! It makes my day just to be around her, but then I also am horribly guilty for having these thoughts.
The trouble here of course is she is straight, and I always thought I was, too. What gives? Am I having some sort of mid-life turnabout or something?
I sure would appreciate any advice anyone might have.
Edited 7/22/2007 6:50 pm ET by rosebud_fl
Edited 7/22/2007 6:52 pm ET by rosebud_fl

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A crush is how it all started out for me. Only she was a lesbian, a gold star at that. It sounds like you have a crush too. WHen i told my crush about my feelings (that I was physically attracted to her, she told she was and had been very attracted to me too).
But i dont know if that means you are straight or bi or gay. Only you can determine that one. Maybe with time you will be able to tell. Meantime, looks like she is off limits that way...since she is clear she is straight.
See what happens next (with you that is). Maybe this will fade or grow stronger and clearer and not be about just that one crush (like it did for me).
Keep posting here and see if anything we say strikes a chord with you?
I was 36-37 with my first blown crush...before that i noticed myself noticing women who i thought were gay.
I hope that helps a little bit. Glad you are here. BTW, i am from Florida too. In the meantime, i say enjoy your secret crush!
Hugs
Roxy
Edited 7/22/2007 7:40 pm ET by roxy_blue
Edited 7/22/2007 7:40 pm ET by roxy_blue
Your question is definitely appropriate to our forum and I am glad you found us.
There is no age limit on when you can realize you are a lesbian.
Thanks so much for responding to my post, Roxy... you have no idea how long it took me to get the courage up to put my feelings for another woman down on a public forum.
I read quite a few of the posts here before I joined in, people seem friendly and funny and helpful and you don't find that in many places.
I just don't know for sure at this point "what" I am but I'd like to hang around and learn some more. Thank you for sharing your own experience, I have a lot of mixed up feelings and I think this might be the right place to help me sort them out.
I actually have woken up in the middle of the night this past week thinking about her! It's frustrating, interesting, and exciting to me.
Thanks again for the welcome. I'm a native of Florida, BTW! :)
Welcome to our little home. I love it here. I am in florida...orlando to be exact, btw.
Yes i know all about waking up thinking about her...*sigh*
Hugs
Roxy
Thanks, Caly for your response. And thanks for the forum here!
You have given me many things to think about. I have a lot in my head (and, um, other places) at the moment. One of the more important things is, they've been there before (concerning another woman), but it was many, many years ago. At that time I thought it was just a weird passing thing with a good friend, and I've read about really strong female/female girlfriend bonds evoking those type of responses before.
I know a real relationship with this woman is not a possibility at all, even though she has joked about giving up on men (who have treated her unfairly a LOT), and finding a "lipstick lesbian" to be with. I know that many truths are spoken in jest, but I just don't think she is anything close to gay at all. I suppose we never know for sure, however.
At this point I am just really happy to be a friend with her, she and I share a lot and she brightens my day. Plus, she is a big fan of my cooking and I like to cook LOL!
I have a lot to consider from your and Roxy's posts, and I'll be back to discuss more and read more from others.
Thanks for making me feel less "creepy" for having these feelings.
Don't feel creepy about your feelings. I have always been told that feelings are not wrong, they just are...
I would enjoy your (what sounds like infatuation) Maybe falling in love feelings for now and see if you can re-direct them to a closer friendship. Only you can determine if you are a lesbian, or bi or not.
It seems that your friend is sure of where she is coming from so, I would keep those feelings to yourself for now, I think.
But I don't think it means you are a lesbian justbecause you have special feelings for a close friend.
And you have come to the right place rosebud.
Hugs,
Laurie
P.S. Feel free to come back and keep posting we are very supportive.
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Thank you Laurie.
I feel a lot more comfortable here now since a few of you have kindly responded to my post(s), I thought perhaps I'd give it a try and see what happened. I'm not one to be intimidated by much but I figured it might be better to sort of test the waters first. I think I'm glad I found you all!
Glad you feel safe here and we look forward to being a support system for you as you sort thru it all.
My advice is take your time.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Hey, Rosebud, I thought I posted to you earlier, but I can't find my post. So, anyhow, you have found the right place. Many of us have gone through these things and plenty of other things.
Don't EVER be embarrassed or ashamed of the way you feel. It just is what it is and don't let society's "norms" reflect in your heart and soul. I'm not saying it is easy, it just is.
I must tell you that I have found myself falling for straight women and definitely having crushes on them. I need to revamp my thinking, and I am trying to move in that direction. Take some time to sort out your feelings. I kind of believe that if you are thinking this way, you are somewhere to the left of completely straight, but there are certainly places along the continuum of sexual orientation where you may place yourself.
Do continue to post or lurk here as long as you like. This is a hugely supportive community that accepts all of us.
Hugs
Fgpblue
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