Sunday morning coffee thoughts...
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| Sun, 08-05-2007 - 10:26am |
No matter how much I have to do on Sunday I always take time to sit and have a little coffee and get on the 'net and/or watch a little TV, or sit outside and watch the birds. I try to think about things going on in my life sometimes, but other times I'm perfectly content to just enjoy the coffee, the nature in my yard, and to think about nothing in particular.
Today I'm thinking, though, about my friend I originally spoke of on my first visit here. The crush has definitley waned, although I can tell you I still look forward to seeing her at work. I am comfortable with the feelings I have for her, I don't feel uneasy or guilty anymore if my thoughts happen to "go there".
What does this mean for the future for me? I don't know. I have lived on my own for 30+ years, I'm not sure I could be in any relationship where someone lived in the same house as me and shared a bed. I'm not sure anyone would even want me, I am not young and I'm definitely not thin, two things our society seems to revere highly. I do think I'm a valuable person, but as far as romance and a serious relationship, I just don't see it happening for me.
I do realize that I am most definitley drawn to women, though, and I do connect with them more than men. Plus, again there's that whole size thing with men, especially white men. Look at any basic MFW personal ad and it usually starts our like "SWM seeks fit female", "Looking for a SF, no BBWs, please...", and so forth.
Yeah, I know I could lose the weight, and perhaps will, although I've done it so many times before and finally just stopped and accepted that's who I am. I've just had a complete medical workup and I am as healthy as I could be, except for the weight, and my doc says he really can't yell at me about that because all of my tests are so good! That said, weighing less would probably boost my confidence enough to perhaps seek out a companion, and the thought of trying is intriguing to me. It's sort of like: "can I still attract someone, do I have it in me?"
Anyway, I think I'd be able to have a female relationship, but I'm still not sure. And I'm rambling on way too long here. Got some more Sundays and some more coffee to go, I think! :O)

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One thing you will find out about lesbians...at least from what little I know..is that there is no ageism like with man. Same thing about body image.
Thanks for sharing you morning thoughts...I have a koi pond in my back yard which is basically a walled in patio, lots of privacy and beautiful red brick for pavers and my koi pong is 14' x 7' with a terracotta fountain I built, so the color of fountain echoes the brick. Jasmine climbing up the architecture that supports part of the covered area. The pond is 2 feet deep and has a black background so looks deep and has was blooming water lilies that cover it and about 23 6" goldfish and four baby koi. Did you know Koi can life for a long long time? If taken care of 50, 100, to 200 YEARS! I guess they will out live me! It took me a while to buy the koi because it meant commitment...LOL!
I also have a magnificent and shy bullfrog that must be the biggest most gorgeous amphibian ever. He is classic looking and so regal. Will only come out of the pond at night and sit still for hours staring at the pond. I love him.
Hey being comfortable with yourself is the most important thing.
Yeah, everything that Caly said. Most times she makes so much sense (Hugs to you, my friend Caly!).
Hugs to you, also Bud.
Blue
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Rosebud! Sunday morning is my favorite morning of the week. It provides
Hi there!
The Koi pond sounds very peaceful and beautiful, they are very interesting fish and I hope to put a pond in my yard soon (more on that later). One of my lifelong passions is gardening, and fish ponds are defintley part of that.
One of the things I love the most about Florida is the fact we can have wildlife in our backyards at any given time, the frogs I agree are wonderful (and beneficial!), and there are so many birds... frequent visitors to my yard include a family of sandhill cranes, they are huge birds and just magnificent; they often stop traffic when they feed long roadsides.
I hope you will share pics of the pond sometime!
I am a fairly confident person and overall, yep I do accept myself as I am. However, I'd like to make some changes and continue to seek answers to questions, maybe it's a "*wow* I'm 50" thing and part of a re-assessment period for me; plus over the last four years I have gone through some major life changes and I'm still adjusting to that; I'll post more on that as I am able.
I REALLY appreciate the insight and support, Caly. I am beginning to look forward to visiting you all here, it's a great help for me and many thanks.
You're welcome and thanks again for including me in your family here; it's nice to be able to talk about things on your mind and not be judged or bashed.
I'm like you, I *LOVE* my early Sunday ams and look forward to many better and better ones.
Hugs back atcha.
Thanks for your thoughts and thanks for the tip; I see there are a lot of women here closer to my age than I would have guessed, I'm pleasantly surprized.
I have been down and back the weight loss and re-gain thing so many times I lost count, and although I know when the average person meets me they instantly see a fat woman, I hope within (and try to ensure) a minute or so they see a honest, funny, intelligent, and confident person that makes a good impression. If not, it's their loss, babe. *wink*
Thanks again!
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