It's Done

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
It's Done
44
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 5:17pm

Got up this morning, ate breakfast, worked out, took a shower, and loaded the car with the suitcase and backpack from my two weeks in Boulder, just in case. Also took two Xanax.

Sat down and had lunch with my DH,

It's DONE.

There was this awful silence. There were tears. I'm his best friend. I can't imagine how he treats his enemies. Then I was all worried about the emotions, living conditions, the kids, how great a guy he is and how he needs somebody to really love him the way he needs to be loved. I'm about the fact that I will be going out to meet people and can he handle that?
He's all about the investments, the houses, the money, the divorce, getting a lawyer. How differently we think.

After about an hour, I went to get my exercise ball filled at work and sit at Barnes and Noble and read Out Magazine for a change in public. As I am picking up the magazine, over walks dd's first grade teacher. I quickly picked up Newsweek instead. lol

Well, I'm pretty numb. I expect there will be other emotions as the weeks move on. I am leaving tomorrow to stay with a friend for Saturday night. Can't imagine what he thinks. Kind of scary, but no violence, no threats.

Thanks for you all for being here. I will need you in the next few months, maybe years.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 8:49am
Had not read that one before Shannon.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 8:54am

Laurie, thanks for your thoughts and words.
Today is my first full day of being officially gay. lolol
Okay, who ever heard of such a thing.
My dh spent the evening at his brothers, whom he told. I had already done that part a year ago, so it's not like brother-in-law was surprised or anything. Dh and I haven't spoken to each other today, which is no big deal, as that is pretty much how things have been for years.

Saying it out loud has been second hardest thing, maybe the hardest thing in my life, but I am under no illusions that things will be all rosy to come. I just hope we can get through this like some kind of reasonable adults.

I called my brothers last night. Only one has answered. I spoke to him and his wife and they are fine. They both have "lots of gay friends." You know, I hate the phrase "some of my best friends are.......(you fill in the blank).

I am spending the tonight at another friend's house. The guest room is very nice at this bed and breakfast(my house, lol), but I need to be elsewhere. I am not afraid for myself or anything. I need to call my other brother and probably my sister today. I am sitting here kind of chuckling and also worried at the ripple effect this will have on my family, not to mention dh's.

Thanks again and hugs

Sue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 9:07am
Hi ((((( Blue )))))
It seems like your family is being quite supportive which is great! Sorry you have to stay at friends etc. I am sure though it is uncomfortable at home right now.
DH's gaydar must be way off, huh? Was a surprise even by the way you dress, lol. (Playing off the other post.)
Keep us posted as to what is going on. I hope you get through the ripple effects and can transition with ease, but I know there will be some backlash as there always seems to be. I am so glad that you have family and a good job to help you with this transition.
Happy official first gay day to you! You FGP you!
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 9:12am

Bed and Breakfast?

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 1:33am
Wow ((((((Blue))))) I have just seen this post... Bless your heart Hon and I am glad you have this place and the wonderful ladies and gentleman here that have you in our thoughts and prayers and positive vibes..I know it had to have been hard

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 11:35am

((((( Blue )))))


I hope this continues to go well .. that your husband can adapt to this change gracefully, realizing all the concerns you have had for him and allow it to factor in on his reaction. He's probably all in 'me mode' right now, which is to be expected ...and perhaps not even willing to face his own emotions yet.


I applaud you in your strength of conviction and desire to be true to yourself!


*hugs* ~ Nony

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 8:53pm

Okay, not so good tonight. I went away for Saturday and most of today. All of my family knows and they support me one hundred percent. Dh's brothers, not so much.

My dh is a real basket case right now. Vomiting, crying, it's awful to see a grown man act like this. You know he has said that he really though we would grow old together in Fla. God, this is unbelieveably hard. I have tried not to cry and followed Tings advice about blocking your emotions. He called me "cold."

We, at some point started having a good conversation and I asked him to dinner. He made a little joke about "where lesbians eat." I laughed and gave him a playful punch.

I told dd this evening and she cried, but said that she supported me one hundred percent. She said that her and bf had discussed me before. Gee, this is really no big shock, except to dh. Ah, what blinders will do. He did make a brief mention that he thought maybe at one time I was bi.

He wants me to sleep in the same bed with him tonight. After this little demonstration, there is no way. He swears he will not touch me.

Okay, guys, the walking is really difficult right now. Even though I am in real good shape the boulders are huge, the path tiny, and the direction is steep. Please carry me............ :( :( :( **tears just seeping out, I can't help it.** There is so much more, but it is a jumbled mess in my mind right now.

Hugs to my peeps

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 9:07pm

hey blue,

Sorry to see this is all getting to you tonight. I have been following a bit of what you are going through and to say I am proud of you for the step you took. I always say that tomorrow will be better. Stay positive. You have come so,so far!!!!!
I tonight told my xh what I am going through. I am hoping for a better day tomorrow as well.

Best wishes and hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

mich

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 9:19pm
(((((((((( Blue ))))))))))
DH's whole life is changing right now. Let him grieve right now. It is ok for him to be sick and all. He is hurting and grieving the loss.
He will get through this too. If you want to, sleep in the same room with him for awhile and just comfort him with your presence.
So, dd and bf have talked about you before huh? Hmmmmm....
You have so much support you are really lucky so far. I am sorry for dh to be so sick over this. Try not to be to hard on him though.
I am sorry this is so emotional for you, but I think any break up is going to be very emotional. You will get through this
my friend. Stay strong, but that does not mean you can't cry. It is ok to cry. Try not to be hard on yourself either.
One day at a time and let your emotions come out. It is ok to cry.
We are here for you. Vent all you need to here (((((blue))))).
I am so happy that dd is supportive of you.
Big hugs,
and warm fuzzies,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 9:24pm

What was your xh's reaction?
Sorry if things are tough. Wanna get a beer? I'll buy.

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA