It's Done
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 5:17pm |
Got up this morning, ate breakfast, worked out, took a shower, and loaded the car with the suitcase and backpack from my two weeks in Boulder, just in case. Also took two Xanax.
Sat down and had lunch with my DH,
It's DONE.
There was this awful silence. There were tears. I'm his best friend. I can't imagine how he treats his enemies. Then I was all worried about the emotions, living conditions, the kids, how great a guy he is and how he needs somebody to really love him the way he needs to be loved. I'm about the fact that I will be going out to meet people and can he handle that?
He's all about the investments, the houses, the money, the divorce, getting a lawyer. How differently we think.
After about an hour, I went to get my exercise ball filled at work and sit at Barnes and Noble and read Out Magazine for a change in public. As I am picking up the magazine, over walks dd's first grade teacher. I quickly picked up Newsweek instead. lol
Well, I'm pretty numb. I expect there will be other emotions as the weeks move on. I am leaving tomorrow to stay with a friend for Saturday night. Can't imagine what he thinks. Kind of scary, but no violence, no threats.
Thanks for you all for being here. I will need you in the next few months, maybe years.
Hugs
Blue

Pages
Okay, I know I am whining, but I don't want to hurt. I want to go to fantasy land where life changes are just a normal part of being alive and nobody gets their knickers in a knot.
Thanks, Laurie, you give great advice.
Hugs
Sue
C >^. A .
This will sound corny, but the healing is in the hurt. You have to process all these feelings so that you can get through this time in your life. I'm sorry it's so rough though..........you don't deserve to go through this.
Hugs,
Shannon
((((((((Sue)))))))) Call me today if you need to!!
Its the rollercoaster for him that I warned you about.
Personally, I think sleeping in the same room will only make it harder for him in the long run, but you know him best Blue and do what is going to make it easier on both of you.
Oh, Sue...I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Just keep remembering that once the roller coaster has slowed down, you will be ok and life will be good. PLEASE cry if you need to. What I said about blocking the emotions was what worked for me. I would have totally fallen apart if I hadn't.
The reality is setting in for
((((Mich))))
So good to see you. Hope you and the kids are ok. Let us know how things are going.
Blue, do yourself a favor, and feel your emotions. If you close off your emotions (and this is has no reflection on what Ting has already said, some of us can't handle emotions because sometimes powerful emotions are devastating, I'm one of those people that can't handle powerful emotions. I've shut my off to the point, that it made me sick)then you will be numb to any feelings at all.
I've gone through a lot of break ups, and please just read this. What I've gone through really doesn't compare to what you're going through. But your husband, a Laurie has pointed out, is going through his grieving process.
Go through yours. Don't cover up how you feel. Every last woman that has left me, has accused me of being cold, but little did they know, I did cry, but not where they could see me. I jumped into work, or whatever to cover up how I was really feeling. I'm the type of person, that just doesn't cry at little things, or to please someone else. But find some time to yourself and cry and go through all of your emotions. If you are still talking to your therapist, talk with her or him about what you are going through.
Take three boxes of Kleenex if you have to but get it out. Accept the fact that your husband may want to be in the same room that he's in. Only you know what you want to do as far as sleeping in the same bed as him. Accept his full range of emotions. If he gets upset, (and not to diminish your feelings or experience)understand the pain he's going through, but stand your ground.
So far he has shown you the respect, that you've given him. (Remember our conversation, when you came to visit me?) As long as there is respect between the two of you, there is something that keeps things sort-of peaceful. I have to keep a balanced stance on this, because I know how it is for a partner to leave for the opposite sex. (Yes, at least one of my past girlfriends, left me for a man. Pre-transition). So, I know the pain that you are going through.
As a guy, I'm learning to embrace my emotions and accept them as they are and not ignore them. The macho style really isn't for me.
So, hold on, sweetie, it will get better, I'm here for the both of you.
Hugs,
Sebastian
Edited 8/13/2007 11:09 am ET by igentleheart
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
hi blue,
I am sorry I didn't get this until now, I got off right after I wrote you. If you had called I would have gone with you for sure! Hope today has been a better day for you.....
Hmmmm, my xh's reaction. Strange........he said he is happier it's a girl instead of a guy. He said he wouldn't be able to handle the thought of another guy with me. He has major issues to deal with, let me tell ya!
My thoughts have been with you today. Keep your chin up!
michelle
Pages