The Circle Has Closed
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| Tue, 08-14-2007 - 6:10pm |
Today is the official "Closing of the Circle" as we told ds about the situation. His gf was there, also. The funny thing was that about 2 months ago(perhaps some of you remember my angst) he found the book "Married to a Man, In Love With A Woman" so he knew too.
I want to just tell you all that as I step back, clinically, it is evolving into something else. It's seems that everybody is reasonably okay with the lesbian thing. It is changing into, well, my dh said that he always sees attractive women, but he has never done anything. He has been devoted to ME. If that were only true. I was the one for him. So we've moved on a little. He said this in front of ds today and I am unwilling to discuss our marriage relationship in front of my son. I wish I could tell you that the marriage was wonderful, yada, yada, but in previous threads many of you have said that ther is something wrong with your marriage, Blue, it's just not the lesbian thing. Yeah.......such wisdom.
Nobody is home right now, but me, so I am a little relieved, but relaxed. Just waiting and wondering.
Hugs
Blue

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{{{{{Blue}}}}}
Big tight hugs...thinking about you & wishing for youthe following things:
Time to think
Time to relax
Time to breathe
Time to be kind to yourself
Thanks, hon. On top of all this I had a cyst removed from my head, and the incision and stitches are killing me. She gave me pain meds. Think I'll go take one.
Hugs
Blue
Hey Friend!
Glad all is ok (well as ok as it can be *smile)
Hey Blue. It's funny-but I had this talk with another friend about the reciprocity of relationships. She told me that my dh probably didn't have all the feelings he needed for me either-and I had actually already thought of that before she told me. It helps, but my dh hasn't acknowledged it. I tried to talk to him about it, but he insisted I was his best friend. I think change is even harder for them. There were cracks in this marriage that had little to do with my sexual orientation. BUT-and this is a big BUT-I know now that I could never really allow myself to be totally intimate with him because I really didn't want that with him. I couldn't allow myself to be me!
okay-I'm babbling. Have you had enough of me? But really, this part stinks. And I think the ending of the marriage is still much harder for everyone than the lesbian thing. I still think it's good your ds didn't find the OTHER book-that would have been traumatic and we'd be putting him on Xanax!
Hang in there sweetie-I think we'll be jumping off lots more cliffs as we go along. Hope the head feels better.
Hugs,
Amy
Storm-beautifully put. Simple but exactly right. Especially the breathing part. My friend told me "you're not even breathing!". She's right
Hugs friend,
Amy
(((((((((Sue)))))))))
I'm glad the circle has closed. I like that phrase. You've survived another day. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, take it one day at a time, and you'll make it.
Enjoy the moments you have to yourself. And take care of that incision!
Big Hugs
I am sure this must really seem sureal right now. Just relax and remember... one day at a time. I know it is hard to do but it got me through alot of things taking it one day at a time.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Thanks for the thoughts. Yep, yep, there are two issues going on. One is the gay thing and the other is the marriage thing. I am really not planning on ending this tomorrow. I would like it if everybody involved was a little more calm. It is rather raw and new. I think I will take Tangs advice and contact a lawyer. I get an hour of free advice because I am in the union. If I can just get away from him. He's like a little puppy. The only reason I can post right now is because ds is with him.
BTW, aren't you Louise :)
Hugs
Thelma-the hot one!!
Thanks, babe. My ds told me he loves me and doesn't mind if I'm gay. He does mind if he ever sees me with "someone." Who knows, in time, he may get over that, too. I won't be going to any marriages or baptisms with anybody real soon, that's for sure.
Hugs
Blue Sue
I am Louise-but I thought Louis was hot too.
Raw is a very good word. It's so hard to sort out all of the issues-gayness, marriage, etc. But it will come in time. Hang in there
Hugs,
Louise
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