Rite of Passage

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Rite of Passage
19
Sun, 08-19-2007 - 9:12pm

So what's a dyke to do when she has very few lesbian friends? I met a woman at the LGBT center here and she invited me to go to the city yesterday to a lesbian bar. Now when I say the city-I mean San Francisco-gayest city in the world. It's a 45 minute drive from here. At first I said yes, but yesterday I was wavering.

I was talking to my friend on the phone and she was trying to convince me to go, when who should call but our other baby dyke-Blue. (sorry if you don't consider yourself that anymore-I'm sure you'll correct me if need be). Anyway-I had told her I was considering not going-and she called to kick my butt into gear. She gave me to courage and I did it.

Now, it was quite the experience. This place was in the heart of the Castro district-gayest district in the world. We had dinner first-there were 5 of us. I met the kind of lesbian I knew I would come across one day-and I met her on my first night on the town. She was nice at first, but later referred to me as bisexual-and not in a nice way. Now, I will not get into that debate here and now, and am not bashing people who consider themselves bisexual. But I knew it was coming. I knew that at some point I would be judged for being married. But I held my own with her and I got over it. But you know-damn her or anybody for judging me and my journey. Does she know the hell I've been through? But I digress.

Anyway-I had lots of fun. I have not danced like that in years. My sides hurt today. There were some hoochy-mamas dancing on the pool tables and they did nothing for me. There were lots of women stuffing $ in their g-strings. But not my thing. I did see lots of gorgeous women though, and all the energy was just great. I was exhausted when I got home.

Today I went to a gay-friendly church with my lesbian couple friends and really enjoyed the service. The pastor is gay and a riot. Afterwards the women took me to lunch and gave me a tutorial in many things lesbian. I've so much to learn (Blue-we'll chat later).

Can you believe my first evening out and at the Castro? Should I tap my ruby slippers together now and say "there's no place like home"? I swear this is a dream. But alas, it is not and I'm glad-exhausted, but glad.

Thanks for being great lesbians everyone-and thanks for letting me come into my own with all of you.

Hugs,

Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Sun, 08-19-2007 - 9:22pm

Amy,

I'm glad you're having a good time! I love SF and I miss it, I have not been in 3 years. My partner does not like being in the gayest place on earth, it makes her uncomfortable for some reason.

I'm sorry you ran into the bisexual argument........I've gotten it too. My partner is the only person who has given me a hard time about having been married. Even now after 3 years she'll still make little snide remarks that if we break up she thinks I would look for a man.........oy! I think she's an enormous hypocrite because she was married at 18, divorced at 20. She says it's differant because she was so young when she got married and I was 26.......whatever. Anyway, while there are a few people out there who will give you a hard time I do think most lesbians are very supportive. It's NOT an unusual thing for a lesbian to have been married to a man. I only know 1 lesbian who has never been with a man..........Oh well, you don't have to prove anything to anyone and the only person you have to make happy right now is YOU!

Enjoy this time coming into your own as a lesbian!

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 08-19-2007 - 10:13pm

Hey Shannon. Well, I love the city, one the best cities on Earth. But the scene wasn't necessarily my scene. But it was fun. don't know how often I'll do it.

The bisexual/been married to a man thing is tricky. I mean-we could all consider ourselves bisexual in the sense that we all have the same plumbing so to speak and are capable of the sexual act and even to some extent the attraction. However, I believe being a lesbian is so much more than about sex. It's spiritual, emotional, sexual, political, etc. So, the debate is a valid debate, but I think it depends on how evolved one is.

I saw some women last night who frankly-I felt they acted like men. I don't want a woman who's acting like a man. And by that I don't mean women who may be butch in appearance. I mean they were treating other women-like those dancers-the way some men treat women. Like objects. Now, to each her own, but it's not me. Being a lesbian is not about what I saw dancing on those pool tables.

Your partner may feel somewhat threatened that you were married before. I think we all feel threatened to some extent in our close relationships.

Now-if women could stop being so damn petty sometimes, we could probably rule the world. Why don't we stick together and stop being so hard on one another? Married, single, straight, lesbian, working, staying at home, who gives a rip?

How many topics did I touch on? Don't get me started.

Hugs,

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 1:17am
Why don't we stick together and stop being so hard on one another? Married, single, straight, lesbian, working, staying at home, who gives a rip?

I agree Amy..((((Hugs))))


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 7:17am

Whoooooooo Hoooooooooo Amy!


Way to go Grrrrrl!!!


Not only for getting out there but for standing up for yourself as well.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 8:17am

I'm glad that you decided to go and have some fun. So what you were married to a man, big deal.

One of these days I'm going to go to San Fransisco and decide to stay there.

Thanks for sharing that.

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 11:39am

Sounds like great fun, Amy! I'm glad you're putting yourself out there and making some friends. That network of support will be invaluable as you continue to deal with the sticky parts of separating from your husband.


Good for you for standing up to the intolerant woman who blasted you for being married. I wonder if she realizes just how many of us there are out there - many more than I ever expected.


Have fun!


Hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 12:40pm

WOW! You are really brave! I think that was great that you went -- and you had such a great time! :)

As for the one woman and her labels -- I think you handled that well. I'm sure that as I get to meet and socialize with other lesbians eventually, that I may get that reaction as well. Oh, well, some people just like to label everything, categorize everybody and everything in nice little boxes, you know? Except we're PEOPLE and we don't fit into little boxes. lol

Your journey, my journey, everyone's journeys are valid and no one has a right to devalue or disrespect them! :-\ We are all changing and growing and learning to live authentically. And we do that in our own individual and unique way.

ML


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:13pm

Hey, Passion, we talked so I didn't reply right away. You know how proud I am of you. Thanks for the nice props, but the first step is all yours. Now you are moving on the path and we both know that there will be forks in the road, but I'm still for taking the one less traveled as I have posted before.

I must tell you that last week was the best week and the worst week of my life. So many people have had kind words for me, my buds are really there for me. I came out to my last boss this afternoon and she was cool. She is about my age and we are going through very similar things in our marriage. I think we talked for about an hour. We have lots to share that I didn't realize. I think I will ask her out for drinks after work begins. Not as a date or anything, just someone to be able to BS to, ya know?

Well, your rock, sister, and when I come to CA, I expect you to show me the town, along with another friend! We'll have a blast.

Hugs

Sue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:01pm
Hi Passion,
I have been there before while doing comedy shows. Sheila and I stayed there for a week a few years ago.
We had a blast! Glad you went.
You will probably go more often? Yes?
Anyway, good for you for going and having a good time. Keep getting out there. Don't worry about people who have trouble with you being married.
Don't take it personal, I used to have problems with dating bi-sexual women because I thought they were all high risk for taking the easy way and going back to men and I figured them for players with the women. I stand corrected on it now.
Sorry for having felt that way before.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:46am

I know it was my step to take and I did it. It's preparation for all the other big steps coming. Building blocks-confidence boosters. But you know your phone call on Sat. came at just the right time. You were my "angel" sent to move me along.

When's your flight out? You know whenever you get the chance. We would have a blast.

Yep-the worst stuff comes with the best stuff hon. Ask your boss for drinks and shoot the sh*t. We lesbians can offer a lot in the way of friendship and advice :-}.

Hugs,

Amy

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