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| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 7:05pm |
The big day, as you know was, Friday a week ago and the weekend was just horrific and yet it was great. A weight has been lifted from me. I was so worried about my ds. He is speaking to me and cares a great deal. He is out in CO with dd and I am sure they are doing what they need to do to come to grips with a lesbian mom and the changing of the family as they know it.
Since then, the whole family knows, my dh outed me to his entire worksstaff AND all of our couple friends that were originally his friends. My family is good, his is not, but they are not that bad either. My mother in law told everybody that "she has known for years." She's always like that and always will be, so I just let those things tug at me for the moment and then move on.
I have come out to all of my bosses and the last one is kind of where I am with her own husband, without the lesbian thing, I think. We have lots in common. She is about my age and is experiencing similar things like she loves her husband, but is not IN love with him. She asked me what I told my husband and we spent an hour in her office BSing.
My dh came home today and told me he had taken wire cutters and removed his wedding band, his mom wants my wedding band back and she is entitled to it, but it feels bad, and he is talking about getting an apartment as soon as we sell the Florida home, possibly in about 4 months. I would, of course, be responsible for "not my damn dog" until my ds can take him. I would need help for this.
This is really hard as many of you have said. There is not much community here, but I have made some pretty good contacts and will keep going. It's going a little faster than I had anticipated. Dh is the driving force. I guess in my head I thought this would all play itself completely out after I had retired, but it looks like other forces will be intervening.
Goddess love all my friends who have been checking up on me, some of you here at the board, either by phone, email, or postings. I am sad right now, but I think that is to be expected as you move through these kinds of events.
Many hugs all around
Blue Sue

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((((((Hugs Blue)))))))((((((Hugs Blue))))) (((((Hugs Blue)))))((((((Hugs Blue)))))((((Hugs Blue)))))
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*Smiles~
C >^. A .
Well Thelma, I emailed you. But publicly "hug" you and say I'm sad, elated, scared, relieved, and plain ole' tired along with you. Crazy, wild, wonderful, unpredictable, joyous, scary and incredible journey.
Remember one thing: If we hadn't done this, as hard as it is, we would never have known one another-or all these other awesome people here.
Praise to Goddess.
Hugs,
Amy Louise
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
((((((Sue))))))
You'll be on a roller coaster for a while, but eventually things will settle down and you'll be able to just focus on YOU and moving on. The "other" stuff (dealing with the inlaws, people DH has told, etc.) will become less and less of an issue in the grand scheme of things.
Edited to add: I love the title of your post! ;-) For the longest time I felt like I was living in the middle of a soap opera. I have enough material to write a book one day! I'm sure many of us do.
Big hugs and love...
Ting
Sending hugs of support to you. :) Ups and downs, one day to the next. I hope you have more ups than downs soon, as your journey moves on to more living your life in your own way. Dealing with everyone else's reactions and responses must be so exhausting!
I can't imagine what my process will be! :O You know, I have been married just over 30 years, too. So your journey is especially deeply meaningful to me. I guess each of us has our own journeys. But you and others here are helping me see the realities as well as the importance of being true to ourselves. Thank you for being open and sharing. It means a lot to this newbie!
Maybe we're all stronger than we think, but we need others to help us along. I'm glad you have that in your life right now. I hope today is a better day for you.
ML
ML
Thanks, woman. You know that I consider you and T2 among the best of my friends.
Lol on the editors note. The soap opera thing is also very apropos, but I never thought about it. I guess I am more of a 2000's girl now. I'm wondering who the survivor will be and who will get the big money at the end, 'cause it's sure not going to be me.
Hugs
Sue
Seems like a book might be a good idea. There seems to be so many out there who could use it.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
If only money were part of the deal for those of us who make it through our journeys intact...sigh You WILL be one of them, I'm sure of it.
Hugs
Edited 8/21/2007 2:43 pm ET by cl-ting_tn
I would love to write a book one day, but it will be years down the road before I could write one about my coming out experience. I've been trying to read books about women's journeys into the deep, dark depth of their souls and the hell they went through to come out the other side a new person (because I can identify so much with their stories), and it still brings back the pain of my own journey. I'm still not there yet, and it's been four years since I started walking my walk. I'm focusing now on delighting and basking in the glory of finding and creating a new life with my soulmate!
For now, I'll stick to chick lit or some such similar genre!
Thanks for your words, though.
Hugs
Thank you so much, ML.
I guess sometimes you get to a point where you want to make a different, difficult choice. I have NEVER done anything so hard in my life. It has been years of soul searching, then years of therapy, a single catalyst, and a summer adventure that brought me to where I am. The journey is arduous.
I want you to know, and I think I have posted this elsewhere, that I sat all alone on my deck in July and asked myself if I was willing to give all "this" up. The stable relationship, my children, my job, my nice homes, my friendships, everything. Now, I knew it would not go that far, but I know that some of it would be gone forever. For me to speak out and say "yes, I am gay" would mean that I had to be willing to let it go, however reluctantly it might be. I answered myself "yes" in a very pained way. I have found wonderful people along the way, my family is coming to terms, my friends have ALL stuck by me so far(but the catalyst) and life does go on.
I was reminded of the Janis Joplin line and have said it frequently:
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." And I have come to the point in my life where I have nothing left to lose.
and Melissa Etheridge from "Talking To My Angel,"
"I sold my soul for freedom, it's lonely, but it's sweet."
Yep. Here I am, yes I am.
Hugs
Sue
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