I Live A Reality Show

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
I Live A Reality Show
53
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 7:05pm

The big day, as you know was, Friday a week ago and the weekend was just horrific and yet it was great. A weight has been lifted from me. I was so worried about my ds. He is speaking to me and cares a great deal. He is out in CO with dd and I am sure they are doing what they need to do to come to grips with a lesbian mom and the changing of the family as they know it.

Since then, the whole family knows, my dh outed me to his entire worksstaff AND all of our couple friends that were originally his friends. My family is good, his is not, but they are not that bad either. My mother in law told everybody that "she has known for years." She's always like that and always will be, so I just let those things tug at me for the moment and then move on.

I have come out to all of my bosses and the last one is kind of where I am with her own husband, without the lesbian thing, I think. We have lots in common. She is about my age and is experiencing similar things like she loves her husband, but is not IN love with him. She asked me what I told my husband and we spent an hour in her office BSing.

My dh came home today and told me he had taken wire cutters and removed his wedding band, his mom wants my wedding band back and she is entitled to it, but it feels bad, and he is talking about getting an apartment as soon as we sell the Florida home, possibly in about 4 months. I would, of course, be responsible for "not my damn dog" until my ds can take him. I would need help for this.

This is really hard as many of you have said. There is not much community here, but I have made some pretty good contacts and will keep going. It's going a little faster than I had anticipated. Dh is the driving force. I guess in my head I thought this would all play itself completely out after I had retired, but it looks like other forces will be intervening.

Goddess love all my friends who have been checking up on me, some of you here at the board, either by phone, email, or postings. I am sad right now, but I think that is to be expected as you move through these kinds of events.

Many hugs all around

Blue Sue

BLUE DIA

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:50am
Yes, I felt differently to other people when coming out. And the coming out process happens alot, say when you meet new people who don't know about you yet.
Sometimes I wonder what they are thinking, other times they ask alot of questions. Other times they seem to be closer friends because they know you now. Sometimes I feel free.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:30am

Well, I've haven't come out to anybody except here and to myself, inside. ;)) So, I can give only a partial answer. Somehow I feel more positive and less depressed and hopeless about my life. I feel closer to who I used to be before I felt loaded down and just gave up. Somehow I feel freer. I am being more myself, not trying to conform to old roles I've been imprisoned in for so many years. If I don't want to do things as we always have, I don't. lol I've noticed a slightly confused look or two from DH just because I guess just knowing deep inside myself, has made me a little different on the "outside," or I am giving off slightly different energy.

I've been remembering how I used to be, trying new things, putting myself out there to learn something new, do something new, feeling positive instead of "oh, I can't do that anymore..."), and taking back some of myself in the process. Or reawakening parts of myself. Kind of.

ML


ML Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:39am
Sounds like you are feeling good then ML. Acceptance of self is very important. I remember when I finally accepted myself for being a lesbian instead of trying to fight it. I felt such a peace inside myself. Now, I am so happy that I have lived my life as myself. I don't care that there are some who will never accept me. They don't matter to me anymore. Luckily my family was/is supportive, but not at first and it took awhile for some of my best friends to come around too.
Eventually they came around but I just lived my life as if they were not in it and made a new life and it worked for me.
Of course I never did marry and have children to worry about. I am not sure how things would have turned out if I had.
I can't say what I would have done if I were in your shoes or some of the other's here on the board.
I am glad that you are feeling free inside and I wish you much inner peace.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

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