Dating Scene
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| Fri, 08-24-2007 - 11:04am |
So, I'm not really "dating". But I went out again last night with my friend to a "meet-up". I wasn't as nervous this time. It was here in town and I figured I could just leave if needed. It was at a gay bar downtown. Let me tell you about drunks! I mean, I had a couple of beers, and I'm okay with drinking, but there were some women who I just could not steer clear of enough!
So in walks the woman from last weekend who referred to me a "bisexual". I have a confession. Of all the women I've met, she and I hit it off the best. We kept gravitating towards one another and have lots to talk about. She was much nicer last night. Actually, she was nice last weekend except for that comment. She just left a relationship that was as long as my marriage.
Okay what's my point? I'm not sure I can do this. I like being around the women, I like some of the flirting and sparkling conversation. But dating? One lesbian friend of mine told me women don't date. What the heck do they do then? People-I'm lost here. Or is it just so new that I need more time? I tell you, I really lay in bed at night and wonder how I got here. What am I doing? I sometimes feel like I should pack up and return home for the comfort. But that's the easy thing. Kind of late for that too-considering I told the dh and can't really go back into the closet.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs,
Amy

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And might I add that I hate drama-especially unnecessary drama. I hated it when I was living straight-and there seems to be so much more in the lesbian world. How do I deal with this?
Amy
(((((((Amy)))))))
My advice to you - take it slowly. Don't jump into a relationship just yet. Sounds like you're still transitioning from being with your husband and need more time to be on your own.
Yes, there is drama among lesbian women. I chalk it up to hormones and the intense emotions women feel. We love deeply and fiercely. We are sensitive and passionate.
Have you heard of the U-Haul syndrome? I think that's what your friend was referring to when she said women don't date. Well, I think some do, but a lot of the time, they connect so strongly right away that they want to develop a deeper relationship more quickly than some men and women do.
I hate generalizing about anything, but there are definitely trends among lesbians. I'm glad you're making friends and finding your way around the community.
Amy, as far as I'm concerned this friend of yours is just bitter and has nothing nice to say about anyone or anything.
People that go into bars drink and have a nice time, sometimes that's the only place that they know that's available to them. Unless there's an all day LGBT potluck dinner going on somewhere, lol!
I don't look down on people that go to bars and I agree, sometimes people drink just a little too much and either end up getting thrown out, or get sick and have to leave, or they just pass out, that's the culture of the bar scene. Sometimes, and I know someone's going to disagree with me, but sometimes, people just like going to bars to eat and socialize.
Let's see: I think anyone beyond the age of puberty, people date. You know the ritual of getting all dressed up, smelling good, and then just going out to be around other LGBT people?
Since I haven't gone out on a date for a long period of time, and sometimes I wouldn't know what to do if I was asked out on one, I'd probably be in shock or in amazement, I just know it's just not going to happen. As far as I'm concerned, women can ask anyone out on a date. And unless this woman that told you that women don't date, comes from the stone age, everyone dates.
In my book, and not that you need my seal of approval, take your time, continue to flirt and continue to do all the things that make you comfortable, but don't stop dating.
Enjoy your new life, hugs,
Sebastian
Edited 8/24/2007 11:45 am ET by igentleheart
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Lesbians do date, although a large number of us seem to meet and attempt to mate for life based on 2 dates. Don't fall into the Uhaul trap! Especially just coming out of a marriage, you NEED to meet differant people.
If you meet a woman who is special to you, just take it slow. You don't have to marry her(well here in CA, be her domestic partner), and you don't have to figure it all out in 1 date. Just enjoy this time in your life now, because it really is such an exciting thing.
And yes, this is coming from someone who went from the 1st date to moving in together in about 3 weeks...........I wish I had done it differantly.
Shannon
So you go to the bar, meet women, talk a little, flirt a little, and you see somebody you like. So you say near the end of the evening, "I've had a really great time being/talking with you tonight. Can I take you to dinner/drinks/movie(whatever) some time?"
Remember that I did not do too well in the course here called Lesbian Pick Up Lines, and I have not "dated" but maybe you have to make a move here.
I'm as green as you are at this, as I was NEVER the pursuer ever before.
Blue
Hi Sebastian. I do know how people are in bars, or at least some people. I don't have any notion that I'm going to go into a bar and not see any drunk people. And then there were a lot of really nice people, just hanging out.
I think it's what Ting said about the Uhaul syndrome-when my friend said women don't date. But I think that's messed up. I think women need to take more time to get to know one another.
I plan to just see what happens, enjoy myself and be safe.
Hugs,
Amy
Hi Ting. I definitely don't want a relationship right now-at least one that is a long-term, serious one. I feel like I have to be out there in the LGBT world, because I feel so isolated in the straight world, and if I don't get out an socialize, I start to feel like I need to run back to my old life for the safety.
I do know about the Uhaul syndrome. I'm amazed at how many women I see are looking for that. When I say I enjoy that one woman, I enjoy talking to her, she's low on drama and pretty intelligent. I look for more internal qualities than outer ones. Anyway, I enjoyed her company, if I have to be out socializing. But I'm not looking to commit, as I have so much to sort out.
The thing is, I can't think of a whole lot of other places to hang out with other lesbians. The LGBT center was okay, but not a very diverse crowd,
And the other thing is, my life is moving pretty fast now career-wise and my kids are needing a lot, so lots going on-too much for a relationship. But I need to express this new side of myself-you know?
Thanks for the insight
Hugs,
Amy
Hi Shannon. I do want to take it slowly. I really can't commit to anyone right now-I need to commit to Amy! But I need to be out there-and I just feel like a fish out of water. But it is exciting-that's for sure. I'm glad you all are here to help a new girl out!
Hugs,
Amy
Hey Blue. Okay-I did all that last night-or at least I tried to seem cool. I don't know if I have cool left in me. But I think I held my own. I think I'm a pretty put-together person in most other ways-but in this area I'm rusty to totally green.
Pick-up lines? Ha. But I was thinking last night as I tried to sleep that I've never been a pursuer either. Why not just ask her out for something fun? And I want to reiterate-I DO NOT WANT TO COMMIT NOW! I just want to get some practice-you know? And this woman-something just tells me she would be good practice-in a safe, comfortable way.
By the way-all your lines-pick-up or otherwise-have impressed the hell out of me dear.
Hugs,
Amy
Dam, woman, that last sentence sounded like a great pick up line to me! So, ya wanna, maybe, go out sometime, ya know, no strings or nuthin'. Maybe I could buy you dinner? Some place nice, if you want. Or if that is too much, there's still that beer offer. You actually invited me to your apt., though, if I recall. Hmmmmmm, **thinking to myself**, what exactly does that mean?
LOL
Blue
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