Curious Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Curious Question
18
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 2:44pm

From the threads I have read since I've been here, it seems the majority of you came out later in life. I read once, in a lesbian research book, that woman do not have sexuality until their mid 20s-early 30s. The jest of the book was that from the moment we are born we are trained to be girls, wives, mothers, caretakers and to take care of the man's needs while not considering our own needs. It isn't until we mature and begin the discover who we really are inside (usually starting in the 20s)that we also begin to realize we are sexual beings as well. Thus never really have formed a gender preference we are attracted to, rather, going with what we have always known and were taught.

Here is my question.

If dating was removed as an option, say until age 21 do you feel at that age your attraction towards women would have been more prominent? Meaning if all the pressure of having to have boyfriend/future husband was removed up until age 21, do you think you would have discovered your lesbian sexuality sooner?

To answer my own question.....YES! I would have definitely figured it out before making the mistakes I did. I completely dismissed my attractions towards women because it was never the "normal" way of being. Is wasn't until I was mature enough to realize I have feelings for another woman and it IS all right to feel that way. I can live my life and be true to myself and it isn't anyone else's business unless it is harmful to others.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 9:04pm

I hope it's the only one in a long happy life as a FGP

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 9:45pm

If those freaking people only knew what an amazing woman you were-but you know-crap-I don't know what to say. So sorry Sue-I hate that you were made to feel that way.

Big hugs,

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 10:07pm

Not for me moondaisy...it took me a while...at 21 I was in shell shock still. I was (in retrospect) so shut down on sexuality...probably due to CSA (child sexual abuse). It was just going to take time for me.

If i had known it...at that age, i probably would have attracted an unhealthy controlling abusive woman...i just had so much healing to do...

Hugs

Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 10:23pm

YIKES! How awful for you both! What lowlife neanderthals some people can be! Holy crap! Why can't they just mind their own damn business???!!!

I hope it never happens again, too!

Hugs,
ML


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 8:22am

(((((((Sue))))))))


So sorry you had to go through that. We have seen some protestors at the Gay Pride festivals here and in Atlanta, usually carrying "religious" signs. It's really scary that some people have the ability to hate so much. I have a theory, though, that really on the inside they are a wee bit jealous. How could they not be seeing how happy and comfortable we are?? ;-)


Big hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 5:08pm

Well, you know they were just going about God's business. **sneer here** I'll live. Thanks though.

Blue

BLUE DIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:25am
My answer to this question is no. I never felt I was "that way" at all. I grew up going to church and I loved it. I went alone since my parents and sister weren't church going people. But I was taught that homosexuality was wrong. I have admitted to online friends that I love a woman and, while one did not admonish me, she did tell me she felt it was wrong and gave me Bible verses to read. I did. I do feel guilt about loving her this way but I can't give her up. I had always felt more comfortable talking to women (especially older ones- like old enough to be my mom). If I had met a lesbian woman or girl when I was a teen, I would have accepted her as she was because there is no one more tolerant of people and their differences that I am but I probably would have been a little uncomfortable being alone with her. My XH actually started my curiosity about being with women sexually. He brought home X-rated movies with girl-on-girl scenes and asking me about being with a woman. They sure looked like they were having fun! LOL I was about 20 then and pregnant with our third son (he was born 11 days after I turned 21). I met gf when I was 31 and had given up on ever experiencing a female lover. I could not believe how different it felt! No regrets! :-D

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:06pm

Yep, it's so different. I'm never going back.

My last friend to tell asked me 4 times in the course of our conversation, "but you still like men, right?" I finally had to say, "YES, Jill, I like men. They're great to hang with, watch a ball game, drink with, whack each other in the arm in that idiotic male bonding ritual, but I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH THEM ANYMORE!" lol

Hugs

Blue

BLUE DIA

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