If I may....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
If I may....
19
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:28am
I would like to ask a question. Does anyone here have a large age difference between themselves and their partners? Gf and I are 16 years apart. I'm 34 and she will be 50 next month. I just wondered if anyone else had a big age difference and how you deal with those issues.

Innocence

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:33am

My partner is 41 and I am 31. I don't think any of our problems are due to our ages. lol Occasionally she will get irritated that I don't remember something she does because I was an infant when it happened. LOL Most of our gay friends are her age and they tease her about being lucky she has a hot young girlfriend.

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 1:42am

I personally have no experience with a big age difference from who I was seeing, but I've known several couples who do and they've always seemed to get along beautifully.

Do you have a more direct question about what is troubling you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 2:31am
Not really a direct question, I guess, but as happens sometimes, something may come out as I write. Some of the issues are simply everyone thinking she's my mother (actually one of my co-workers who knows my mom asked if gf was my ex-mother-in-law whose been dead for almost 15 years) and that bothers her. Her hair is all white and she feels like she should color it so that she looks more my age but that really didn't help before just because many times I'm mistaken for being 20. She is sometimes reminded of our age difference by what I don't remember because I was too young and is at the same time surprised at what I do remember or have heard of. She tends to blame a lot of things on her age such as her intolerance of my kids and their noise levels and how much she thinks she needs to lay down to rest and her lack of sex drive (really she has NONE and that KILLS me!!!). Personally I believe it's her weight, mental illness, and beer. We don't agrue about it but she knows what I think. We just keep to our own opinions about it. Maybe I should have asked if anyone has conflicting libidos and how they deal with that! But that may be too personal! LOL There are other things that I deal with being the younger one. I know that if things take their natural course, she will leave this world long before I do. If you think I'm having a hard time dealing with her moving "back home" 300 miles away, how much more difficult will it be to say good-bye eternally? I did almost lose her like that so I know what it will be like. I'm a CNA and I told her I'd be here to take care of her when she's old and decrepid. I do know how difficult that will be- not only physically (because I do it everyday) but also emotionally. But at this point I see no one taking care of me. I will probably grow old alone. I can't think of anything else right now so either I'm out of issues or my brain is exhausted from a tough day at the nursing home and it's 1:30a.m.! LOL I should probably go to bed.

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:38am

LOL Red! You read my mind!

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:49am

Now to answer your question,

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:51am

Hmmm how about I make "conflicting libidos" next week's question?

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:59am

As far as her dying before you,

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:46am
I don't see the age difference as a "problem" necessariy. It just has it's own challenges. I love her so much I would die for her and she knows that. It's kind of funny. My XH is only a year and 8 months older than I am and I used to wish death on him. She's 16 years older and I hope nothing EVER happens to her.

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 9:13am
No. Not here G/F and I are only 2 years apart.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 10:33am
Ohhh ok, I know about clashing libido's. My g/f has a low libido, but we have learned to work with that. I have become quite a crafter, lol.
We do alot of other intimate things too. There are times when she has a good libido and other times when... nothing.
It used to kill me too. Now I know she loves me very much and I am ok with it. I had to learn to go without that part of our relationship at times and to understand that it does not mean that someone does not love me but rather they have a low libido.
We, Sheila and I, have been together for 10 1/2 years now and we have learned alot about working together on our issues. Of course when it comes to clashing libidos it hurts both partners. The one who is being neglected and the one who feels they are doing the neglecting and might lose their partner over it.
Do not feel like you are alone. Sheila and I have battled this for several years now. Just respect your partner and be sure you can handle this part of your relationship and then accept it. Sometimes she used to push away because she was afraid it might lead to sex or think I might misinterpret intimacy as a lead in to sex. Make sure you and your partner can have an understanding that you can be intimate without it always leading to sex.
That will relieve the pressure from both of you.
I hope Shannon reads this too.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

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