I'm feeling antsy today

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
I'm feeling antsy today
14
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 2:33pm

It happens to me a lot. I hate sitting at home all day. I want so bad to go out and do something. I feel like I'm missing so much. I want to take community ed classes and go on the trips they have- lots of them. I want to see plays, zoos, mueseums, and concerts. I want to go back to college. I'm so bored going to work and going home. I must confess that I am still a church girl. Even though I'm in a lesbian relationship I still attend and love my church. It's pretty hypocritical, I know, but really that's about the only part of my life my church doesn't know about. Well, I don't exactly show off my tongue ring either. LOL I'm sure at least some know it's there though but nothing has ever been said. Anyway, I'm so itching to do something. There are 3 reasons I don't. First in this tiny community all that's really available is what the Commuinity Ed board offers. You have to look hard to find things. I have and have found a lot but, the second reason is I'm broke. I have 2 jobs but it's nearly impossible to make ends meet much less do anything extra. The 3rd reason is that so far I work mostly evenings, which is when so many things happen- like the comminuty ed classes. The smaller trips are a whole day long and during the week. I do have week days off since I work every other weekend but I never know which ones they will be and the schedule changes a lot without notice. That means I could have the day off, register for a trip and pay for my seat and then end up working that day even though I didn't volunteer or trade with anyone. I feel trapped in a life of boredom as the world goes by. Well, I'm going to have to do something. I think I can fix the money thing. I'm going to try anyway because of the kids. It will take time but we'll see how it goes. I'm trying to get off the PM shift except for Fridays and Sundays. If my boss can do that for me, it will also help. It would be great if I could get GF to join me for at least some of these things. She won't like the classes but the trips she would. But I'm not sure she would go. She won't be here in a month anyway. She's moving back home which is 300 miles from here. Still have time to change her mind but I'm not counting on it. So I'm going to need something to do alone anyway. I'm not a home-body. I'm very incredibly broken about her wanting to leave but I can't stay home and feel sorry for myself. I want to be out in the community or something doing something and I want to take the boys with me. I want to show them that there are fun things to do other than tv and video games at home. I want them to learn social skills and give them something constructive to do. Take them to where they can meet kids that are less likely to be doing things they shouldn't be. Since I'm going to be physically without her I need to put my heart and soul into my kids and my church, and keep myself very busy so that I can't drown in my tears. I think I already have but since I don't know how long her absence will be, I need to keep busy and meeting people. My parents didn't do these things and neither does my sister but I WANT to- BADLY!!

Okay, enough of my venting. I have to get this antsy body to work. XH will be here soon for the kids too. So off I go. That's for listening!

Innocence

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 4:13pm

hi Red,

I felt the very same way that you feel. I know that I've driven the ladies here crazy with all the things that I've wanted to do with myself, until I drove myself crazy and went and did exactly what I've wanted to do with myself.

I went back to school. And even though I might growl and stamp my feet and all of that, I simply love it all. There's nothing wrong with being a church woman. I go to church every Sunday. I very seldom miss going to worship, but I do get tired and I might decide to stay home on a Sunday, and just rest.

Just because I'm a transexual, it doesn't mean that I don't love my church family any less or that they love me any less. They can see that something is obviously very different about me, but they love me anyway.

I can't afford to go to school either, but go to fasfa.gov and apply for a grant to go to school. The thing is you have to know what school you are going to and all of the rest of it. Schedule things for yourself, meaning if you work during the morning and want to go to school at night, you can and vice versa.

Sometimes in order for us to do the things that we want to do, we have to rearrange our priorities. That's all up to you. If your GF loves you, she will compromise for you.

I got tired of working around everyone else's schedule, so I made up my own schedule that I'm happy with. See in my place of worship, I'm on two committee's, but I can't meet, because of studying and other things that are now going on in my life.

But, since I'm very active in my church, I've asked both committee's to "keep me in the loop". And they've done so, very nicely. So, it's up to you on how to set your priorities and boundaries. If you want to do something bad enough, you will find a way.

Members of my congregation notice I have a "glow" about me and it was a surprise to me. I just smiled and kept smiling. I guess it was the "glow" of being preoccupied with school and not so much with being self-centered. Change some things about how you feel, and the members of your congregation not to mention your co-workers will notice something different about you.

Hugs,

Sebastian

Edited 8/31/2007 4:14 pm ET by igentleheart




Edited 8/31/2007 4:19 pm ET by igentleheart

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 12:33am
Thanks, Sebastian, for your reply. I did go to school for 2 months to get my CNA license. I loved it. I felt so apart of something. I was glad when I was done so that I could work for the lady who chose this field for me. She's so wonderful and I do love my job. I even love my deli job. But I miss school so much and I don't care what I take- computer classes, floral design, interior design, business, whatever. I once had a list of 7 degrees that I wanted. I'm going to look through the Community Ed paper again (providing I can find it) and see if there is anything I can do when the next schedule comes out. Hopefully there will be day shifts on it but I'm not sure. I'm just very anxious to do something.

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 1:05am

I don't know if you are interested in pursuing nursing,but I noticed you're a CNA (me too, well a PCT, same differance). Your facility may offer tuition assistance to get your LVN or RN. When I worked in a nursing home they would have paid for me to do either. The hospital I work at has tuition reimbursment up to $2,000 a year, beyond that I would have to contract to work for them after I graduate. Anyway, you may want to look into that if you're interested in going further with nursing.

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 7:40am

Your welcome, Red. Just take the bull by the horns and do it.

Hugs!

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 7:45am

Very unlifting post Seb. Thank you for sharing your life with us!

Hugs

Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 7:46am

I am glad you could vent here. It is a safe place for that. Feel better soon.

Hugs

Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 1:38pm
LOL "Just take the bull by the horns!" GF used to say that to me all the time! Now if she could just practice that again! LOL

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 1:51pm
People have asked me if I wanted to go on after CNA class and no, I couldn't. I have seen what the nurses do and I just couldn't do it. I did not choose my job. My associate pastor's wife is the DON of the nursing home I work in and when I first moved back here and was back at my church I wasn't making enough money to support myself and my kids and she's always looking for help so she told me that if I would go to school, she would pay for it and then I could work for her. So really that is why I am a CNA. I love the job but I have no desire to go any further in it. It is a good suggestion, though. We have a reimbursement program and stuff too so that would make it really easy for me to do it. I just don't want to.

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 4:04pm

You're welcome, Roxy. But unlifting? I thought I was being supportive, I didn't mean to be boring.

Oh well, my heart was in the right place.

Hugs,

Sebastian

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 8:03pm

Huh? Sebastian!!! I find nothing boring about you...! "Unlifting"...is good. You are very supportive. Awwww sweetone. I am sorry you misundertood. Your heart is always in the right place. I am not sure what negative meaning you took away from my comment to you sweet spirit but...I PROMISE you...my post was showing my appreciation of you. Truly.

Did you read negativity into to it sweetone..?...Post me back...it would hurt me to know you thought i was being glib or anything but positive and...adoring of you.

Lets clear this up okay?

Gentle Hugs

Your friend Roxy (who feels badly that something it typed up may have hurt a Genlte Heart)

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