Thursday Thoughts....Conflicting Libidos

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thursday Thoughts....Conflicting Libidos
28
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:15am

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Wouldn't it be wonderful it we always felt the same way about everything as our Partner?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 12:42pm
Clashing libidos. GF is much older and has some issues. Her libido is dead- totally while mine is still in overdrive!! I hint and whine a lot and say things. She just says no, changes the subject or redirects me (usually unsuccessfully LOL). So far we haven't had any fights. I don't push- just let her know I'm still interested in that- VERY interested! I've been with her for 3 years and it's been 2 years since we REALLY made love. I guess that's about how we deal with it. As I said last week, it's hard for me- very hard. Sometimes she will tell me to look for someone else and is also using it as one reason she should move back home. Not interested in someone else and I still don't want her to move away. I'm trying to redirect my energy into crafts, decorating, and work. At least it keeps me busy for awhile. When the lights go out, however...... Does anyone have any better ideas?

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:09pm

I will keep this as tastful (please, lol, forgive the pun)as I possibly can. Considering that I'm not having any major operations anytime soon, my potential partner and I won't have any serious issues about what goes where.

Of course, I will have a bucket of water and maybe a fire hydrant, because things in my bedroom will be fiery hot. roflol!!!! My potential partner has to want to have sex every night, I'm very spoiled and not to mention greedy, lol! It's been five long years since I've had sex, but I do indulge in self-pleasuring.

When I say every night, I will have a lot of understanding, when she's having her monthly visitor, or if she's not in the mood (that's when I take care of myself), or she's tired from work. But when it's ON it's ON!! When it does happen, it will be when the both of us have nothing going on the next day and we can sleep in and regain our energy level.

Of course, I would have to get up and feed the cat and do other things, before I go under the covers again, but my goodness, lol!

Thanks,

Sebastian




Edited 9/6/2007 4:03 pm ET by igentleheart

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:22pm

I'm sorry you're going through this. Sounds like your gf is having a lot of issues that she needs to work through. Couples counseling might help. That's what comes to mind more than anything else. Sounds like

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:28pm

Fortunately, this has not been an issue for us. Caly and I agree that making love is more than the sexual act. When we cuddle, touch, kiss, whatever (essentially getting to 3rd base! lol), that's just as special and meaningful. It's all about connecting emotionally as well as physically. We tend to require about the same amount of rest and are tired at the same time in the evening. So, if we're tired and haven't been able to get to bed before 10:30, it's likely that nothing's gonna happen except cuddling!


I think physical/emotional intimacy is a necessary part of any relationship. Sometimes hormones get in the way of it happening, but, overall, communicating about it and agreeing that it is something to make time for is very important. Trying new things and letting go of inhibitions keeps the sparks flying too! ;-)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 5:59pm

Ohhhh...I guess I promised to answer this one, and so I will.


Lisa and I don't always have libidos that are in beautiful harmony.

Spring SiggyBlinkie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:26pm

Red,


As strongly as you feel for this woman, I honestly don't think its a good thing for you to give up soo much of what is important to you either and Sex is a VERY important part of a good relationship!

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:29pm

Well Seb,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:40pm

Storm,


I so understand where you are coming from and I think this happens a lot in LDR that eventually come together.

 PPCLSIG.jpg picture by CalyD44

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:40pm

It sucks that my whining was the start of this discussion........lol

Obviously we have clashing libidos because I have one and she doesn't. But, it's deeper than that. I still want that connection with her, and she doesn't want it with me. I guess I should clarify, I've decided I no longer want that with her. It's too painful...........no more! So I guess now our libido's are the same! It's funny, the last time you have sex with someone you would never guess it was the last time. Our last time was our anniversary in June. I don't forsee us having sex again.

Also, I think she has used sex to control and manipulate me. It's always got to be her show, her way......because "she's the butch!"

Next time I will be smarter..........

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:52pm

Shannon,

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