Ugly, Ugly Day
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| Mon, 09-10-2007 - 5:48pm |
I just need to vent.
Things were going along quite nicely until around 3:30. Then my ds called. He railed at me for almost an hour about being a gay/lesbian. I heard all the bible stuff(this from the nonchurch goer), how awful I was tearing the family apart, why not do it earlier. He blamed my therapist for turning me gay and some of the folks here, although he doesn't know that I post here. He says he's going to call one day and give you all a piece of his mind. He says that I got off too easy in this marriage dissolution. He doesn't really think I'm gay, or why would I have been married. He wanted to know what we "do." He wanted to know how I could teach sex ed and teach procreation when I didn't really believe in it. Apparently, none of my "friends" or romantic interests would ever be invited to any of his family functions. Why didn't I have a partner if I was gay. I'm trying to interject about dating and stuff, but he's not getting it. There was tons more, but what does it matter? You get the gist of the conversation.
Anyhow, this convoluted thinking and yelling with much profanity went on and on. I know he needs to do this, so I never hung up and just answered in the least inflamatory way as possible, but y'all know there isn't such a thing. He can think of the most innocent thing and turn it around. I am sure this is the first of a few of these things that I will have to experience, but it doesn't make it any less hurtful and painful.
I know some of you had older children when you came out. Is this par for the course? Is there anything I should be doing?
Blue

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I don't have any children so I really can't help with an answer to your question. Just know that I am thinking of you.
I bet that really hurts.
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Thanks, Laurie. Yeah, it's pretty painful and extremely stressful. He is also really pissed off at his sister 'cause she has a different opinion which, of course, is wrong. I hope this doesn't divide the two of them. THAT would be crushing.
Hugs back
Blue
Oh Honey....my heart hurts HURTS for you. I dont have kids as you know...but from what other have shared...yes, this can happen. It seems to be harder for older kids.
You cannot turn someone gay...just like you cant turn someone straight...God know people have tried to go straight...it makes people suicidal to try. ANd yes, this stuff is hard to figure out...it does come later in life.
I'd be glad to answer any of his questions ...ugh...including what we do! ( i know being a smart arse)... what we do is love ..love like God made us...we just love a little differently...and that scares people.
I dont have any advice...just a big HUG....
Roxy
Oh...i am so sorry...give him time. He has an opportunity to grow from this...GOD i hope he takes it for his own sake.
HUgs across the miles
Roxy
Hugs,
Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
I know I don't have any kids and that I left my marriage pretty early on, but here's my opinion. He has a right to be upset, his world as he knows it is ending. He does NOT have the right to rack you over the coals for an hour. You are not his emotional punching bag. If he needs to get that out, then he needs to go see a therapist and express his anger all he wants. He can have whatever feelings and beliefs he wants, but you are not obligated to bear the brunt of all that. I do think this is par for the course in terms of how he is acting right now. Somedays may be fine and others will just blow up................he's still coming to terms and alot of it won't be pretty.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.........
{{{{{{{{Sue}}}}}}}}}}}}
Hugs,
Shannon
Ohhhhh, {{{{Sue}}}}
My
Geez, I think I need new glasses. I'm sorry, for some reason I read your post as STBXH was the isssue. I'm sorry, I'm not sleeping enough, forgive me.
I don't have kids, but I do have an opinion. I can understand that he's upset. Not only are his parents getting divorced after a very long time together, his Mom is also gay. If he didn't see if coming, I'm sure it's alot to deal with. And he has the right to feel all those feelings, but he doesn't have the right to do this to you. He needs to find a way to deal with his sadness, anger and everything else in a way that does not hurt you. Yes, he is hurting......but he does not have the right to inflict pain on you in order to make himself feel better.
As far as being turned gay, well we all know that's a bunch of bull. You've been this way for a very long time. Whether you acted on it or lived as a lesbian, you've been one for a long, long time.
I don't know the pain a child can cause a parent, but I can imagine that it is considerable. I really am sorry you are going through this, you don't deserve it. Regardless of what DS thinks, you haven't done anything wrong. You've been a wife and a Mom for a long time and met everyone else's needs.........and now your children are grown and you are meeting YOUR needs. There is nothing wrong with that. Hold your head high babe.........you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Hugs,
Shannon
*sigh. *Seb hugs blue.
Hon, I warned you that this would happen. Let him go through his anger and all of his feelings.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
C >^. A .
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