Don't know what to do ...
Find a Conversation
Don't know what to do ...
| Wed, 09-12-2007 - 7:04pm |
I have been reading your discussions for a while and am really impressed with the compassion you share with each other! I wonder if I could ask all your opinions about something? How long does a "crush" on someone last? I think that's what has been going on for me for over a year and continues to drive me nuts. Seems to me it should have sort of burned itself out by now but that's definitely NOT happening. I guess this is somewhat abstract. I have never been in a lesbian relationship, though have several good friends who are lesbians. I am really hung up on one of my lesbian friends- there is no chance of any relationship for lots of reasons- the biggest being that she really does not seem interested. Dreaming from a (remote) distance is often painful but I cannot seem to "get over" her, no matter how hard I try. I have never spoken with anyone about any of this thus do not have much of a perspective (if any). I thought that if I had a better understanding and some other opinions about a "crush" it might help me to figure out how to make this whole thing stop! I'm also in the process of getting divorced, maybe it will help when that is all settled?

Pages
Oh I am so glad you posted. Welcome and yes this is an amazing community.
"How long does a "crush" on someone last? " What a good question. Well, I don't know that there is a general answer. But I will share something with you. The way my orientation reveal itself to me was through a crush. Oh my goodness it was so intense and so painfully beautiful. I was drawn to lesbians too, just like you.
I have heard women have crushes for years on another site for married women who find themselves "loving women". I like to use the label *lesbian* myself...but you don't have to. For me it was a positive and affirming thing to discover about myself.
I remember reading about a one-sided deep crush that lasted over six years!!! Much too long for comfort, if you ask me!
Sorry I could not give you and answer...just wanted you to know you have been heard and are supported here. You may want to explore what this crush is telling you about yourself? Do you feel okay about having it? Does it cause anxiety or shame or fear. I hope not.
Be gentle with yourself.
Hugs
Roxy
Hey there. You're right, everyone here is so nice and supportive. I'm actually pretty new here, myself.
As far as crushes are concerned... I can't speak for anyone other than myself but I had a crush on one of my best friends for, probably, about 5 years. We were teenagers so that may have had something to do with it but it's still a long time. I've been harboring a more recent crush on a co-worker for more than a year now, also.
Like Roxy said, this may be your way of discovering your sexuality and looking into how this crush makes you feel could be the most important thing that comes out of it. Explore your feelings about having a crush on a woman (if that's new for you).
Unfortunately for me, nothing has ever come of my crushes. I have a problem of falling for straight girls. But who knows? Maybe after the divorce is settled and everything your affections will be either returned or better-placed :).
Welcome to the board!! :D
-jam
Welcome....
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
How long do crushes last? From my experience they last until a new one comes along! Sometimes they turn into something more and sometimes they just *can't*.
I don't know that there is anything rational you can do to put a stop to them- rationality tends to struggle upriver against torrents of mis-directed passion.....
Wow- a crush on one person for 6 years!!
2000 miles away? (i relate) Do you communicate via phone or email? Does she know you are crushing?
Hugs
Roxy
Hey, Thoughtful, welcome to the board out of "lurkdom!"
Crushes.....so wonderful and can be so awful all at the same time. I had a crush on my two straight women. Seems to be the case with me.
Welcome to the board, thoughtful! It's so great to have you here! You've gotten a lot of good feedback already. Just take things one day at a time and get through your divorce. I know how that is. I did it almost three years ago.
I don't think I've had a crush that ever lasted more than 6 months. I had my crushes when I was married, so I guess I figured it would never be possible to make anything happen and moved on quickly.
Good luck to you! Please continue to post when you can.
No, she has no idea how I feel about her.
Pages