How important is ...
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How important is ...
| Mon, 09-17-2007 - 7:24pm |
Question for all. How important is kindness to you in a potential love or even just a friend. The more I experience life and being near women...the more the trait of being kind...seems crucial to me.
You can be witty, funny, smart, articulate....wonderful! But if you don't have general kindness as a foundation, I become leery. Kindness and good self esteem seem to go hand in hand. When you feel good about who you are, you don't need to be unkind to others.
It seems that the online lesbian community is pretty small. I have to say this is the KINDEST site for peeps like us that I have ever come across. Everything else pales.

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I think genuine kindness is one of the most attractive qualities anyone can possess. I think kindness can only breed more kindness in this world. It's something sorely lacking I think. As far as what motivates people to not be kind? Ego, self importance, a lack of respect for themselves and others. Being around people who are not kind makes me feel very negative. But, it motivates me to be conscious of how I treat people. I would be very upset if anyone ever described me as unkind. I don't think the measure of a person's character is in how you would treat someone "important" but rather in how you treat everyone......from the homeless man on the street corner, to your partner......
Hugs,
Shannon
Yes, Shannon...loved you answer. Loved it. Kindness above all...
I have decided to become very careful about being around the toxicity of unkindness...it affects people and you cant neutralize it...easily without being affected by it.
Thanks for your words.
Roxy
Hey, Rox.
I'm kind of at a loss here. I'm afraid I don't know any other way. I've been so hurt by unkindness in my youth, that I try to never hurt a soul. I can be tough when I need to, but never unkind. Even in this emotionally chilly house, we are both kind to each other.
I'm also a huge believer in "pay it forward." Even before the movie came out, my stbxh and I lived by that rule. I was a little miffed when the movie was done, 'cause it felt like they stole "our" idea.
Hugs
Blue
(((Blue))) I have always seen kindness in you...it is palpable. It is real.
I am so sorry you experienced unkindness growing up...(((BLUE))). I did too...I think it just made me more empathetic. I can see how the same worked for you.
Hi roxy,
Ever since I've been a member of this community, I've been extended the most wonderful reception of kindness that I've ever received. I've tried my best to be nice and friendly to everyone, even to those that chose to ignore me.
But, even in real life, if I'm ignored, I do still think well of the person or persons who choose to be ignorant to me.
I think kindness in someone that I would like to fall in love with, should be a part of their character, and not just a requirement to capture my heart. When someone isn't being kind to me, I just figure that they've never been treated kind by anyone else, and I just happen to be a "safe" target for unkindness, rudeness and ignorance. So, the best way I deal with those that choose not to be kind and polite to me, is to treat them, as they treat me. (It's only fair, right?)
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Dear Sebastian,
Kindness...wins me over like nothing else. And you cant fake it! You feel it. So good to read your response. I too have had such kind responses here. It restored my faith...in cyber women/lesbian communities...that is no understatement.
"When someone isn't being kind to me, I just figure that they've never been treated kind by anyone else, and I just happen to be a "safe" target for unkindness, rudeness and ignorance."... that is such a smart way to see it Seb!
Hugs
Roxy
Thanks, Roxy. You know I feel the same about you. When I was a kid we moved around a lot and I went into many different environments as Dad moved us around. Some of those places were not very nice. You know, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Kindness is a major important piece of a relationship for me, do not think I would last long in one without it. Could not agree with you more in what you're saying here about kindness, also what others have posted too. Kindness is HUGE, whether it's online or at a job or waiting in line at the grocery store. I agree with the other comments about unkindess being due to ego, etc, also think that jealousy may be a big motivator for unkindness- I see that at work frequently. VERY difficult concept to react appropriately to. VERY VERY hard to not get sucked into it also. Sometimes seems almost like watching a soap opera and if not careful you can get sucked in and end up being part of it when you really don't want to. What I mean is sometimes if the unkindness is directed at you it can be very hard to not react to it which pulls you into it in the same bad light. I really commend people who can be nice to someone who is being unkind to them (Sebastian mentioned this I think). It's not easy to do that.
I absolutely think that the presence or absence of kindness does affect people in a group, very significant!!
I do not have any experience with other online chat rooms or message boards- it's really sad if you've come across unkindness at some other places. I guess I sound like a broken record but just have to say, and agree with you, that this message board has many wonderful people contributing to it. I have felt genuinely warmly welcomed here. Sincerity, kindness, general goodness comes through loud and clear from all of you. You are a good advertisement for yourselves!! Not trying to be too sappy, but it's NOT something to be taken for granted, it's very special.
Awww Blue...! I just want it EASY PEASY for you...and all warm. All good things. You deserve it. No kid should have to feel isolated...but God knows they do, i did. I love that we both have experienced that and came out with the idea
I can understand that an "uncomfortable loneliness" might be OK because it's better than you expected but when you're feeling lonely what do you do? Does coming here (to this message board) help? It has for me (for lots longer than I've been posting here) and I hope it does for you too.
Hugs to you,
TF
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