The update.............

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
The update.............
15
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 9:06pm

It's been a few weeks since I whined and moaned about Shelley.......lol. I actually have no whining or moaning at the moment. I have to give her some credit, she's trying. Anytime that I am home we eat our meals together. We spend more time together, and we've talked more in the last 2 weeks than we had in a long time. The other night I was painting my toes and she came in, grabbed my foot and kissed it! I thought I was in the wrong house! She's been very supportive about school, cheering me on. Over the weekend she told me that she wants us to have a commitment ceremony for our 5 year dating anniversary........June 20, 2009.

There is still a part of me that I am holding back, I can't help it. We've had these issues for too long for it to all be better overnight. The 2nd anniversary of our domestic partnership is this month.

Anyway, that's the update.........mostly good.

Shannon

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 9:10pm

"There is still a part of me that I am holding back, I can't help it"...seems completely natural to me.


Glad things are good for now!


Hugs


Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 9:17pm

Thanks, me too. It feels more comfortable in the house.........I don't feel as tense.

Shannon

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Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 10:59pm
I'm pleased to hear that Shelley is trying -it's amazing how much such a small gesture can mean, huh? She has emotionally drained you and it's going to take time for you to recharge, to learn to trust her at her word again. Lets hope she can keep it up long enough to rebuild your relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 11:35pm

We'll see........I'm not even sure why we aren't arguing. Is it because things are changing or because I'm not home as much and don't have the energy to put up much of an argument with anyone?

This has more to do with me than with her. If we don't make it I have to know I tried so that I can move on. I don't want to drag any of this into another relationship. I want to be able to move on with a clean slate so that I can be good for someone else if that is what is going to happen. Because right now with all the stuff we've been through I could never be good for another woman until I work though it.

Shannon

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Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 12:00am
I understand totally. I did tell my current girlfriend when I met her that I was not emotionally ready for another relationship after the turbulence of the one I had just left.

She didn't really understand what I meant, sort of pushed me to commit to a relationship with her and went through a process of discovering what I was trying to say.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 8:32am

"I don't want to drag any of this into another relationship. I want to be able to move on with a clean slate so that I can be good for someone else if that is what is going to happen. Because right now with all the stuff we've been through I could never be good for another woman until I work though it. "


That seems so emotionally intelligent. Good for you for wanting this and being so clear about it.


Hugs


Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 10:53am

I'm glad Shelley has been more loving. I hope the changes will be long-term and that she is realizing what you need in order to be happy with her.


Hugs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 8:16pm
I agree with Roxy that you are being very "emotionally intelligent" (that's a really great phrase). Maybe this is obvious and you said you were talking but I think that it's important to keep talking with each other, esp about why you each feel things are going well. May help sort out or bring to light what is good and what is not good about your relationship, which can sometimes be pretty subtle and hard to get a handle on. Just keep plugging away, day by day. Remember the goofy forgetful fish in the movie "Finding Nemo"? Forget her name (ha ha), but at one point she didn't know what to do and started singing: "just keep swimming, just keep swimming ....". So you can do that too. Relationships are hard work!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 1:21am

Hi Shannon. I'm glad to hear she's making an effort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 6:00pm

This morning while I was dressing she told me I look cute! Me? I look cute? My wife just said I look cute? That was pretty much my reaction. It's been a long time since she said something like that to me. The last time she complimented me that way was probably our anniversary 3 months ago. It's not something she does much anymore. She used to alot, she always told me how sexy, beautiful, etc I am.

Anyway, it made me feel pretty good. I'm still smiling.

Shannon

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