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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Only one week left
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Thu, 09-20-2007 - 11:45pm
Tomorrow is Bel's 50th birthday.

Innocence

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Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 5:38am
I can feel the pain in your words {{{{{hugs}}}}}.

Life gets really complicated when there are kids involved. How old are your boys?

When I came out, my kids were aged 4 and 7. I thought ok, so I am a lesbian but maybe I will wait until my kids are grown before I do anything about this. My first responsibility was always to my kids. I never saw them as a burden- my kids are a blessing and for anyone who came into my life- my kids were part of the package.

My current girlfriend is 48 and never had kids herself. My kids are now 13 and 17. Sometimes they just drive her nuts but she makes the effort. She does her best to participate in their lives, talks to them about their interests and her relationship with them is better off for the effort she has put into it.

In fact, in the light of my recent health scare, I asked the kids... should anything happen to me, who would they prefer to go and live with? Their father, grandparents, my sister or partner and they both said my partner without hesitating.

I think it is very sad that Bel is not prepared to make an effort with your kids. My partner would agree with me in that she is missing out on a rewarding -sometimes challenging- experience.

Take another {{{{{{hug}}}}}}} and know that I am thinking of you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 7:44am

aww honey...


Tough times. My heart is breaking as I read this.


My mind is saying 'her(gf) loss' What a shame that she isn't emotionally strong to make an honest go of creating a

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 8:00am
My kids are 15, 14, 13, 6, and 4.

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 8:19am
For everyone that I have ever talked to for any reason and mentioned my kids, they are very overwhelmed by the fact that there are 5 of them.

Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 8:48am

I am so sorry you're going through this, R. Blended family situations are tough...I know first hand as I have two girls, and Caly has a son. Her son does not live with us but the girls do, and there has been an adjustment period for sure.


Having kids myself, I'm going to be a bit blunt here and say that your kids are not chasing Bel away and they are not taking your life away from you. She is choosing to leave. I can totally empathize with you. I have had many, many, many moments when I have lost patience and wanted to send my girls far, far away. But, they are innocent children who need love and attention. If you are involved in a custody battle, I'm sure your kids know that and they are feeling the added tension of that on top of all the other changes in their lives.


You have the power to change things and take back your life - set up some routines in your home and have the kids participate and if they won't, institute firm consequences (taking privileges away). Most of all, FOLLOW THROUGH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 9:27am
Awww ((((( Red ))))) You will push through it. You have plenty of time for relationships in your life. You will have children who will always be in your life later in years. you will have a nice family. Cherish the kids for now.
As Ven said, I can feel the pain in your voice. I am so sorry she is leaving. I was hoping she would change her mind and stay with you. The kids are part of the package. But maybe she will see what she is missing after she is gone. Then again maybe she won't. You can come here and vent anytime and e-mail anytime you need to. I wish I could make things better for you. I feel so bad for you that she is leaving.
You will get through this Red. You will. And if this relationship is meant to be she will be back at some point. It might be after the kids are a bit older.
My step dad did not like kids and did not marry my mom untill we were grown and sometimes due to work they had a LDR for years. But eventually the got married when we grew older.
Take care of you while she is gone. Take time to grow stronger and bond even more with the kids. They are the ones who will stick by you for ever.
Hugs,
Laurie

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Avatar for nursepam2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 10:38am

This is so sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 12:08pm

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 1:56pm

Hi Red.


First,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 12:08am
Thank you so much for your responses.

Innocence

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