Reaching Out-Kind Of
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Reaching Out-Kind Of
| Thu, 10-18-2007 - 8:35pm |
All right....On March 3rd I came out to my best friend, M,
| Thu, 10-18-2007 - 8:35pm |
All right....On March 3rd I came out to my best friend, M,
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This is my 2 cents. If you know FOR SURE that you no longer love her romantically then it's fine to be on friendly terms again. One more friend is better than 1 more enemy right??? Just be careful and not be too personal or anything at the beginning cuz even though she was a very close friend, you ended up in a pretty nasty situation so you never know if it will happen again. I don't know if the "change" she mentioned was just a casual remark or something more than that, i.e. if she discovered that she felt/feels the same way about you but in either case, just be careful with whatever you say in your email contacts with her. You don't want them to one day become evidence against you. I wish we could live through life without having to ever be so careful about these kinds of things but I guess life is not what we want it to be.
Good luck with sorting things out.
Hey Thelma.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
I would heed the June warning.
Your life is taking a turn in a good direction. I would continue in the new direction and leave her alone. You don't know how her husband might feel about all this. He might be the one pushing this whole thing.
I would leave it alone.
I think she was just being nice.
If she wants to reach out she can do that without a tragedy behind it.
Hugs,
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
(((((((Blue)))))))
This reply is from me and Caly. She tried to post this morning but iVillage was being weird. ;-)
Anyway, we both think you should take this VERY slowly if you are at all interested in communicating with her again. In other words, start out on a professional level and don't go into any details about your personal life. When you took things to a personal level with her before, she broke the trust between the two of you, and that has to be earned back in our opinions. She can't expect things to be all better now. So, protect yourself and take it slowly. You can have a polite, professional relationship and care about her without going any further. The ball's in your court here - you have the advantage because you can decide where you want to take this. You may decide that you want a close friendship with her again. Or you may not, and that's ok.
You have moved on. You have made TREMENDOUS strides this year, and you seem very happy with S right now. There's still drama in your life, though, with STBX and your DS. Do you want to add M to that? Do you have the inner resources to handle it right now? You can always tell her that you appreciate her reaching out and that you'd like to communicate again, but you can't take the relationship any further at this point.
Take all the time and space you need. Take care of YOU and nurture your relationship with S.
These are just suggestions as usual. Follow your gut and trust your instincts. Listen to your heart.
Big hugs
Thanks for your thoughts, Gemini. You are right about being careful. I am somewhat confused right now, because on Friday she emailed me a friendly type email about a union issue. Part of me wants to just reach out back, but the other part is saying "you should have trusted me in the first place. I would never have done anything to hurt you or E." Well, another week is getting under way. Who know.....
Thanks
Blue
Yo, Louise, I will give your advice some thought. I am not sure that I want to tell her all that right now. I don't know if we are even at that point. She DID send me a couple of friendly type emails about a union isse on Friday, so I think I will wait a week and see what this new one brings. I would some day like to tell her how hurt I was, but I am sure she will have her own version of hurt, also.
You are right about the changing of my life. I think some of my women friends may be keeping her somewhat informed about my personal life. She might know that I am getting divorced and that I have a girlfriend. I don't know if that will make her feel "safe" or if she is just coming to terms with the whole thing, finally. What I do know is that I made a mistake in the kind of person that I thought she was. I'm not saying that she is a bad person, but just not somebody I should have been so close to and in love with. Those years were agony for me and I am a little sorry I wasted my love in that way on her. Water over the dam, now, and my life is getting so much better.
I know that you are getting there, too. If we are not careful we may one day be "self actualized!" lol
Hugs
Thelma
I hear you loud and clear, Seb. I really did cut the whole thing off completely. I just felt bad for them as people and parents. I was trying to be a good person.
I understand what you are saying about reaching out without a trajedy, but sometimes when things are really bad you see how foolish you were in the hasty decision you made. Maybe she has had realization. I know that I could never have had her as a lover or wife, but I sure would have liked to have her to walk this walk with me. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this board.
What do you mean that her husband might be "pushing this whole thing?" Why on earth would he want that kind of friendship to continue?
Hugs
Blue
Hey, T1 and T2,
Slowly or not at all seems to be the pervasive mood of the board. The weird thing is that I have this glimmer of hope that we can be friends again, but on the other hand, I don't know if that is what I really want. My gut along with everybody else is to take if very slowly and guard my heart. I made a mistiake about the kind of person that I thought she was. That can't happen again. I don't think I could emotionally survive something like that again and come out as intact as I am right now.
You are right about nurturing my relationship with S. We have had such a great time being with each other. I have made a deep connection here and would like very much for it to eventually turn into something more permanent. Long distance-well, not like a whole country or anything, is not easy. I am wanting to be with her all the time and that is just not possible--for years. I am willing to take one week at a time and see how things go.
Hope you are enjoying the house!
Hugs
Blue
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