Lesbian weddings
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| Tue, 10-30-2007 - 11:58am |
Now that a few friends and my sisters know that we are planning our commitment ceremony, everyone has an OPINION! LOL Everyone seems happy we are finally doing this but they all think they know how a dyke wedding should be. I don't think there are any rules about how it has to be. And in all honesty, I've never been to a gay wedding. We are the 1st in our circle of gay friends to plan one.
Opinion #1 from my friend Erika
~It should be very traditional to prove that we are just like everyone else, normal people. She doesn't mean anything bad by this, she see's us as "normal" people. She gets very upset by how some people view gays and lesbians. She thinks if we have a traditional wedding that people will see the common thread.
Opinion #2 by my sister Erin
~It should be 100% unique, not a hint of tradition. No white dress, etc. Her reasoning is, why do we want a fake hetero wedding? OY! The excuse I'm giving her is that she's young and stupid! She's also planning her own wedding for 1 year after our's and I think she feels the need to "top" our wedding. That sibling competition thing. She even told me not to copy her color scheme (pink and purple). We've already decided on orange and navy blue.......LOL
Opinion #3 by Shelley and I
~We don't care what anyone else thinks! LOL
So, what do YOU think? If you had a wedding what would it be like?
Shannon


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A long time ago- like probably almost 3 years ago, Bel brought up marriage.
Innocence
Because Shelley and I are already recognized as spouses in this state (we've been registered as domestic partners for over 2 years) I don't think we are going to have an officiant. Although, from poking around the internet it's not hard to find a gay friendly officiant in this area.The inn we are using has an officiant they recommend who is an ordained minister that is gay friendly. We *may* use her, we haven't decided yet.But, we are writing our own vows and having a few friends do readings that we will select. The inn didn't even bat an eyelash when I told them we were doing a lesbian commitment ceremony.I am planning on changing my last name to her's because it means alot to her. Also, because we plan on having children together we want all of us to have the same last name.This has always been the plan for us, that I will take her last name. I can do this through the courts for $300. Starting in Jan 08 here in CA the right to change your name will be a benefit of domestic partnership, just as it is hetero marriage. This law will allow gay couples to change middle and or last names. You can take each others last names or create a new last name from what I have read of the law. I do not yet know if that will be retroactive to people who are already domestic partners. Another benefit of domestic partnership here is that any child adopted or concieved in the course of our relationship is viewed as Shelley's child too. She will be listed on our baby's birth certificate as the 2nd parent, although if we ever move out of state we will do a 2nd parent adoption before hand just to cover ourselves.
Shannon
Good question as always Shannon!
As far as my answer goes, I think any wedding (hetero included) should be whatever is going to be the most personal and mean the most to the couple. I have always wanted to get married outside but my mother wouldnt hear of it when I married my X.
Caly, when I got married we had the wedding of my EX H's dreams! I swear he was worse than a woman, he had a VERY specific idea of what he wanted. The only 2 things I picked were the dress and the ceremony music. The dress I chose to please my Mom and the ceremony music was celtic, to please me. This time around it's the wedding of my and Shelley's dreams. My Mom isn't even invited, she wouldn't come even if she was.
This wedding will be kinda traditional in some ways I suppose. I'm wearing a white wedding dress, carrying a bouquet. Cake, food, booze........the normal stuff. Shelley is probably going to wear khakis, a hawaiin shirt and a lei. When we started dating and 1st started talking about having a ceremony I told Shelley I didn't care if she wore shorts and a t shirt, that I wanted her to be comfortable and happy at our wedding. Later when she proposed to me she told me that was the moment when she knew 100% that she would marry me because I didn't care about the perfect wedding, I care about her.
Shannon
You and Shelley definitely need to follow your hearts on this one. Do what will make you happy and what will be meaningful for you. I'm sure that whatever you plan will be beautiful and special.
It's wonderful to see you and Shelley making this big step in your relationship.
Keep us posted on the details!
Hugs
Thanks Ting!
It seems funny to me that we are so excited about something purely ceremonial and in no way legal. LOL By the time we have our ceremony we will have been "married" for almost 4 years......LOL. But, we've been through alot and it's nice to have this to look forward to. And it's nice to have a day to celebrate us. Here are the details that we have decided on so far:
Pic 1 is the invite we plan to use
Pic 2 is the bouquet I will carry
Shannon
Those are both really beautiful! I love simple bouquets like that. Mine was pretty but had lots of stuff in it.
I think ceremonies are wonderful, big or small. It's a nice way to acknowledge your commitment and "seal the deal" so to speak.
First CONGRATS!!!!
Second, I love LOVE LOVE that you dont care what anyone else thinks!!! **smile** (the surest way to being unhappy is to worry about the good opinions of others).
Have a wedding of *your* dreams...and then tell us about it!
Hugs
Roxy
Hey, babe, I'm all for option number 3!!! Weddings, committment ceremonies, etc. should be all about the people having them. You don't have to worry about who is footing the bill, since it is you and you don't owe nobody nuthin'.
Congrats on this important event.
Over the weekend S and I were joking about it.....well, not all the way joking and I asked if I could wear a tux. She said yeah, but it would have to be cut for a woman. I like that idea. I think that the tux's some of the women movie stars and other famous people wear are pretty hot. Course this kind of thing would be a long way off for us, I think.
You do whatever you and Shelley dam well please. You got my vote.
Hugs
Blue
I think a tux can be very sexy on a woman. If Shelley was wearing one it would have to be cut for a man........LOL. She has a very male figure, except for her chest - no butt, no hips no waist. I'm sure she'll wear khakis or linen pants with either a white linen shirt or a hawaian print shirt. I'm going to order her a lei to match my bouquet so that she can stay nice and casual. I'm wearing a dress though, long, flowy, sexy.......but no puff or poof.No train and no veil! LOL
I think that everyone will be really happy with how it all turns out. It's going to be a good time for everyone and very meaningful. It'll be fun to show our kids the pictures some day.
Shannon
Edited 10/31/2007 10:58 pm ET by irishowl
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