New here- Please help (M)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
New here- Please help (M)
3
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:08pm

i could just really use some support. i suffer from social anxiety/performance anxiety- when speaking in grps at meetings etc. i have not had an attack (for me an attack, is the flushing of the face/necl-as if all the blood is rushing to my head.) in a long while. however, i reduced my paxil to .5mg daily due to sexual side effects. my dr. also has me taking inderal (a high blood pressure med) that is suppose to stop the flushing. every other time, i have taken this med, it has worked for me. but not today. i am suppose to take it 1-2 hrs before...

i just get so mad, cuz i feel this disorder is so unfair. i feel cheated. as if, i am not able to pursue the things i want out of life, cuz i cannot handle public speaking or something.

otherwise, i function very well. and no one would ever guess i have this problem, until they see me turn beet red in a meeting!

i just get so fed up w/ battling this disease day in and day out.

anyone out there understand?
Erika

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 10:16pm
Erika, welcome to our community. Sorry that you are all fed up right now. That happens. I'm 52 and have had this stuff just about my whole life, didn't know it until I was diagnosed 20 yrs ago.As I look back I have had my whole life. The best thing to do is get some good coping skills. I have never had these flushes, I feel like

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 7:22am

Hi, Erika! Nice to see you back, but sure wish it was under better circumstances. Many of us have hit this point & can relate to what you feel. It is frustrating & does leave one feeling pretty angry that they have been effected by this disorder. However, you have the ability to NOT allow this disorder to effect you so much.


First off, meds are not a cure all. Many of us are where we are today, because we have learned better coping skills & use alternatives to get us through the anxiety. I would encourage you to read the articles on social anxiety @ the top of this page, as well as in the *what's new on health* folder. You need to come up with some ideas that will work in your circumstances. Join us in chat, too. The folks are very generous in sharing their ideas & you might be surprised what can work for you.


Is it possible you just had a bad day? Were you under some added stress when you gave this presentation? I have been in the posistion of having a bad panic attack, for whatever reason. I was forced to pick myself up, dust myself off & go right back into the fray. It isn't easy. Noone wants to face that fear again, but if we want to have some control over our lives, we have to push through that anxiety we fear so much. Try to be kind to yourself. Think positive thoughts. You are a skillful woman with many great qualities. You are so much more than a flushed face during a presentation. My co-cl has *blushed* all her life. She will be along to offer you some words of wisdom.


Good luck to you, Erika! Sending P&PT's your way. (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 3:42pm

thanks so much laides, for the support. the funny thing is that i am a counselor. i work w/ children... and i know all of this in my intellect. i understand the coping component and how important it is. i guess for me what is so hard, is that i function highly and lead a very productive life. almost to the point that i forget i have this disorder until BAHM, for some reason, when i am in that type of setting, it hits me like a ton of bricks.

and then i am angry. when i woke up the mext morning after the episode, i sat and praised God. for i was able to see that this disorder has also been a blessing. it is a reminder, every time an episode hits, that i am not in control. that i am not capable of making it thru life w/ out God. i am not invincible, i am not perfect. i have weaknesses and that is okay. i tried to just embrace the weakness and move on w/ my new day. i know i will be okay. but sometimes i feel like- how will i ever go to law school w/ this disorder(this is my latest goal in life.) i already have my Masters and have worked in this field for 9 yrs. i plan, in the future to attend law school- but then i doubt myself and whether i can handle it.

i think it is normal to wish i wasn't plagued w/ this. but then i also know, if it wasn't this, it would probably be something else. at least, w/ this and the field i am in i can make a difference for clients and for the people around me, in becoming more aware and sensitive to mental health issues.

i know some of the triggers of the epsiode. this time, i wasn't prepared. i had such a hectic day i didn't have time to write down what i wanted to convey in the mtg. (this always helps me) and i also usually practice it 1-2 times outloud. also, our principle put me first on the agenda, knowing i had a ballet class before the mtg., and would most likely be late, cuz i was waiting on parents to pick up their kids. so, i was 15 minutes late, and everyone was waiting on ME to start the mtg. not a good way to start. i think i will ask him next time, to be sure not to put me first for this reason....

so it was extra stress...and i think thats what caused the episode. also, i prob. really should be on 10mg of paxil... but we are trying to conceive our 2nd baby and w/ all the sex involved in that... it is really had w/ my SSE's of the paxil when i go beyond .5mg... my dr. has me on remeron for awhile and i liked it... but i cannot take then when pg., so no use in taking it now while TTC.

anyway, i appreciate the support. and i will continue to post here!
Erika