"blocks" in therapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
"blocks" in therapy
3
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 10:06pm

Help! Have ‘done’ therapy off and on for the last 20+ years, but not really sure I’m getting anywhere with it, other that it keeping me minimally functional so I can work & pay for a place to sleep at night....

My current therapist (four years) is into the cognitive “who-ha”, but I have TONS of past stuff weighing me down, loads of it, with unbelievable amounts of shame mixed in with it. While I realize that “wallowing” in it is not productive, I do feel an urgent need to try and process this stuff somehow, besides the “fake-it-til-ya-make-it,ignore anxiety, replace with positive experiences” mantra. After 20 years of that approach not working, I feel the need to “jump into the pit” so to speak, and have one final wrestle-down with this “beast”, if you will. When I try to address this stuff, she simply shuts me down with, “I’m not going to sit here and participate in your ‘victim’ mentality (i.e., you will do things my way or the hiway!) Please give me feedback, other that I need to change therapists. I simply am at the end of my rope, I don’t have the energy to go out and establish another therapeutic relationship. I had a very bad relationship with my mother, and pretty much learned that I can never trust other women (and men either ignore me or are patronizing). I grew up in a very small, isolated rural town, where older women were only there to criticize and condemn you, rather than nurture, and women close to your own age or younger were arch enemies in the never-ending quest to “snag a man.” I have since moved to a larger city, but all this stuff still dogs me. I try church, but cannot cope with the overwhelming sense of sadness and grief, and can barely make it through a service, much less try to get involved in activities outside of worship. My family came from “the wrong side of the tracks” in my small hometown, and ridicule and being the misfit is all I have known, in the home, school, church, college, wherever. Yes I have tried the medication route. Ironically, I am a pharmacist, and most antidepressants make me feel like a zombie. One good thing I can report is my two sweet doggies, whose minimal expectations don’t overwhelm me. Sorry to bore you all with my story, but can anyone relate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 12:19am
My heart goes out to you as you are in a very uncomfortable place.

Blessings, Suz   Posts in this Community   

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:48am

Hi & welcome to our community. Suz has given you many things to think about. We all carry our past's with us. How much of the past we are going to *allow* to effect our present lives is *totally* up to us. I do not have the best of

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 8:37pm
Lynndilu
I can relate I have had panic attacks since young and only began treatment 15 years ago!
I had an excellent cognitive dr and meds that helped me out of the agoraphobia and staying in the house disorder i had. We moved south and found myself with a new doc and a totally new approach he is a hypnotherapist and strongly believes that the past is
causing my panic and fear and I am not able to center myself because of the things that happened to me in the past. He does relaxation therapy for now and will get into the past when I am feeling stronger. I have lost my father and dear sister this past year and need to first heal from that. If you want a change DO IT!! It was kind of by chance this happened to me but I will be so happy when the past is where it belongs ---- in the garbage!! not in my heart!!! Take care and look for a hypnotherapist!! IT WORKS Judy
email me if you want @aol