saw an assistant, finally listened to!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
saw an assistant, finally listened to!!!
1
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 11:20am
my psychiatrist is out of town for about a month, i have no idea why and it's none of my business of course. but it turns out, that was good for me...
i saw my counselor on tuesday and told her about all that was going on and my continuing panic attacks. i told her how my other dr continues to increase the klonipin until i feel that i'm taking all these pills for nothing. i hate taking something if there is no purpose, ya know? i told her a lot of things that i hadn't spoken of before, but i got her attention at least.
she put me on a list to see my psychiatrists *physician assistant*. i saw her yesterday morning, before we ran off to see about my new nephew (read other post, very very awful). i told her, in summary, all that has happened since november (well i guess august and i mentioned a year ago too LOL). she was shocked. i suppose, if i hadn't lived it, i wouldn't think it was possible for anyone to have such a run of bad luck and pain and suffering. anyway, i told her i feel like i'm taking tylenol for a migraine when i should be taking something far different, KWIM? bad analogy i suppose. but she agreed. i told her i'd spoken to my dr about xanax, but of course she was worried about it's *addictive qualities*. i said i understood that, and i waited it out hoping for things to improve. i meditate and try to breath and think positively. but in all, things have only gotten worse. so now i was ready to chance these *addictive qualities* if they would help me LIVE a half-way normal life, at least until things become under control again! so she put me on .5 mg xanax 3 times a day and i asked to be seen again by her in a few weeks to check-in. i wanted to make sure i am doing better. so far, so good.
i was so drained by the time we hit the road coming home from visiting my nephew (again, read post and you will understand), that i passed out hard in the car. i think partly it was the xanax, but partly it was so emotionally draining to try to NOT lose it. i didn't want to get kicked out of the NICU ward, KWIM? i didn't want to upset my BIL either.
so i waited till we left to really let it go, then passed out hard.
thanks for reading. i'm glad i listened to you guys and stayed with it, because finally i was heard.
~leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 1:05pm
Keep us posted, Leslie. We have other folks taking the xanax, so maybe they'll jump in with their experiences. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan