New here - seeking help...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
New here - seeking help...
4
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:01pm
Hi All, thankyou for giving me this opportunity to finally say all of this to people who understand fully. I have just in the past few months found a wonderful doctor and she is finally giving me hope - past doctor's just kept handing me diazapam and now I have become dependant on them and nothing is getting any better, so this doc is weening me off them and putting me on anti-depressants. They seem to be slightly working!
Me - as short as I can keep it! age 19-24 - herion addict. Gave up, never looked back and don't even drink now. I am epileptic (grand mal but under control with med's), have always had OCD but is worse now and the anxiety I have been feeling for 2 years is beyond bearable. Most days I do not leave the house - walking the dog is a good day.
I wake with panic attacks which last up to hours, anxiety fills most of my days and when social events come up I get petrified and usually dont go. I'm 34yrs old, got my life still ahead of me but I'm going crazy. Does anyone out there understand, I've never really talked to people who might understand. My family just think I'm sick or weird or something, like its an embarrassment. I have been professionally diagnosed with bi-polar and borderline personality - so many labels, it just confuses me more. I want a happy life - thats all I want. Regards Sam.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:59pm

Hi there Sam,

I know that sometimes other people have trouble accepting that a friend or loved one is suffering emotionally. There is this attitude that you should just "suck itup." Even my mother, who is a very understanding person, had a lot of difficulty accepting that I had a real problem and needed medication and regular therapy. Personally, I think that this stems from her own feelings of guilt, but that's another discussion entirely. Eventually she came to understand and became supportive. Just know this - you are not crazy and you are not alone. There are many people suffering this way. More than you know. People that I work with and socialize with but are not close to would never guess that I too have those days of paralyzing anxiety and panic because I am so successful and functional. My point is, don't let their perception effect your sense of self. I know that this is easier said than done.

You did an amazingly brave thing when you conquered your heroin addiction and I give you kudos for it. Now you have another battle to face and you have shown by your previous actions that you are able to conquer the challenges put before you. Draw on the strength it took to quit heroin use and apply it to your current struggle. But also know that it is OK to be frightened and vulnerable and to seek help.

I am so glad that you like your new doctor - it is important to have faith in our medical health professional. Good luck with your progress and chin up.

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 1:27pm

Hi Sam,

first I want to say how proud you should be of yourself for kicking your addiction. And yes, you do have your whole life ahead of you. Glad to hear you are the getting the help you need for a solution and not just given medicine to bury the problem. No real advice to give you but wanted to tell you I can relate to some things you said like I too wake up w/ anxiety that lasts thru out the day. I don;t fear going outside but when I'm out walking and large crowds are around, I feel my anxiety rise. I'm sorry you don't have family support. My DH still doesn't understand what I'm going thru. I gave him an article to read last night. Maybe you can print some info for your family to understand better. things make more sense to me when I read it in detail. You always have this board for support. I don't post often but wanted to let you know you are not alone. I hope the meds work and that you feel better and HAPPY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 4:33pm
Hi Sam,
I'm glad you found this board.
I am new here, just started lexapro for adjustment disorder with severe anxiety.
I am no position to give you advice but I just wanted to welcome you here and let you know that your in the right place.
Does your Dr. know your condition?

((HUGS))
Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 5:56pm

Hi, Sam! Nice to have you here in our