It will get better - some tips
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| Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:37pm |
Hi all,
It has been a quite a long time since I visited this board. I am now 31 years old and live in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I suffered from heavy anxiety last summer and four years ago. So bad, I couldn't work for a couple of months both times. Last time I finally found this great psychologist who really learnt me how to gain more control over this condition, since it is a serious condition, like asthma, I believe.
I would like to share a few insights I gained, since I know how really desperate you can get and only coming to this board when miserable just doesn't seem right to me, so here we go ;-)
1. Find yourself a good therapist who doesn't dig into your past. If after 3 sessions you still don't make progress, find someone else who really lets you work on it. No soft talk.
2. In my case, I found out that being afraid of feeling negative emotions was one of the main causes for my anxiety to burst out in a later stage. And then, the road back is really long. Learn to really feel negative emotions, only then this 'energy' will not translate itself into anxiety afterwards.
3. The most important thing I learned and I live by this every day now: be aware and really feel a negative emotion and TAKE ACTION. Try to change it. Make a plan. Only action will bring a change and will put your mind at ease. Don't wait for things to change. They just won't when you don't do anything. When action is impossible, try to really accept and try to find comfort in this uncomfortable feeling, even though this sounds hard, you can do it. It will be you in another stage of your life, more mature.
4. Don't stay in contact with people that make you feel small, or unhappy or make you very tired after you have seen them. If this is not easy, try to limit the contact.
5. Protect yourself. You know when you don't feel like doing things other people want you to do. Be honest in communicating your limits. Learn to recognize the difference between cold water fear (being anxious when starting to do something you find scary) and a general feeling of: this is not good for me. How to recognize this is simple: cold water fear disappears once you're on a roll, the second kind of fear sticks.
6. Bad times are always followed by good times. Never worry you will stay anxious for the rest of your life. Emotions have a certain time of existence. Not feeling less anxious after 40 years is simply not possible.
7. Simple but true: make structure in your life. Exercise, eat well, meditate, go out into nature, see friends, take up study and concentrate well on your work. Also make sure you keep 2 nights and 1 whole day open and for yourself and / or your family during the week.
I hope this helps, because believe me, I know how awful this can be. Hang on! Do not fight against it, fight with it.
This was my advice, I really hope it will give you hope. We are not alone!
love, Ingeborg

Blessings, Suz
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It's great to see you again, Ingeborg! You have alot of insight into our mutual anxiety. Thanks for sharing what you have learned. That will be so helpful to all of us looking for new ways to cope! I particularly like the one about surrounding yourself with positive people. You go, gf! Wishing you much success! (((hugs)))
Hi there!
Thanks for sharing your insight. I have a question, though. You wrote: Find yourself a good therapist who doesn't dig into your past. Why do you feel that this is important to you?
I think that we need to be careful when telling people what kind of therapy they should pursue. When I was having regular panic attacks, I went to a therapist that I had seen previously so he knew me already. However, for me, the key to my panic was in delving into my past. I had an alcoholic father, a mother who cheated on him, and a moderate amount of violence in my past. I never felt safe as a child. Really exploring this helped me to deal with my panice immeasurably.
I just think that we all need to find what works for us and, although support and sharing here are important, we need to be careful about what we say since those still in the throws of panic or anxiety may take it to heart. Just my two cents.
Thanks again for sharing and congrats on your healing!
Jules
Hi, Jules! In the spirit of the safe & caring community that we provide, all opinions are welcome on this board. Ingeborg has found what has worked for her & shared her experience. This is not a board staffed by professionals. Shared experiences do not count as the *gospel* or should be construed as actual medical advice in any way. If you ever have a question about what should or should not be posted, just click on *terms of service* @ the bottom of every iVillage page. HTH (((hugs))) jan
I understand that and was not saying that her opinion is not welcome - just questioning why she feels that way and providing another way of looking at it. For some people, a different therapetic approach helps.
Just as her opinion is welcome, I would hope that mine is as well.
Absolutely! We have really enjoyed your insight & the experience you bring to the board, Jules. It wouldn't be the same without you. (((hugs))) jan
Hi girls,
Perhaps I was stating it also a bit too strongly because of my enthusiasm. Jules is right about this. My psychologist also asked me questions about my past of course, which is very useful in finding out the reasons of the anxiety and the direction of the therapy. So this is important, absolutely.
What I meant was that, I think, focusing too much on the cause of the anxiety could be a reason for more anxiety and for me it works better to just deal with the anxiety you have now and not tearing open old wounds time after time, which is not the case when the therapist needs to help you get over these old wounds when they won't heal of course. Of course understanding the causes of the anxiety helps you understand it better and able to deal with it better. And analysing the past can be really helpful with that.
I just wanted to stress, since it helped me so much, is taking action with the anxious feelings instead of analysing is very helpful, since I believe most of the anxiety-sufferers are focusing more on thinking and worrying over their fears than action which will lead into a negative spiral.
Hope I didn't make anyone confused...it's just that I know how really awful it feels and I so much want to help others feel better fast. But of course that's totally different for everyone. So...that's it :-)
Ingeborg