New here - Hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
New here - Hi!
11
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:41pm

Hi all, I'm new to your board, so thanks in advance for understanding my newbie-ness!
I have the usual compulsive stuff going on (towels need to match, check the door twice, etc), and sometimes when it's hard at work would rather not go in - I manage to power through the week.

I'm here more to help support my wife though. She has anxiety disorder. I hope that by reading and asking questions of you guys I can better understand and give her support. It's frustrating sometimes!
-Rob

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: bubband
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 11:19pm

Hi and Welcome Rob!!

Blessings, Suz   Posts in this Community   

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: bubband
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 7:10am
Hi! Nice to see you, Rob. There's tons of info in the folders below & our members are great resources for you. Check out our chats on Tues. & Thurs. evenings from 9 till 11 pm Eastern.
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: bubband
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 10:13am

Hello and welcome! I'm glad you came here to support both yourself and your wife! That's so thoughtful of you!

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
In reply to: bubband
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 10:49am
Hi Rob,
It's so nice that you care enough about your wife to come here.
I am new to this stuff also.
I have adjustment disorder with severe anxiety. It all stems from some bad illness that have hit my family. It came on sudden with no warning or prior history.
My husband has been my rock and is wonderful. I worry about him though, this must be taking its toll on him.
Take care of your wife and find some time for yourself to unwind also.
My husband loves going to work, he says that it helps to calm his nerves and refresh him and help him to come home and give me his full attention.
Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: bubband
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 8:13pm

Thank you all for the nice welcome!

I thought of my first question: I understand that some of the meds like zanex and others affect the desire for intimacy - is there a work-around for the diminished libido? My wife has settled on zanex, so changing that isn't an option.

I know this might sound like an "I want s**" question, but I miss our shared moments together and she does too. Any thoughts?

-Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: bubband
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 11:09pm

Rob,

I take Xanax, too. But I only take it as needed. Which means, it may be every day for a few weeks, or none at all for a few weeks. I don't think I ever noticed that problem on Xanax. I used to take Xanax and Serzone (an anti-depressant). I take Lexapro instead of Serzone now, and I do think the Lexapro has affected me somewhat.

Has you wife said it has affected her libido? It could be the anxiety itself, moreso than the Xanax. Maybe someone who takes it regularly will pipe up.

All I can say for advice is, if there is a diminishing, there has to be a way to bring it back up. Might need to try some extra stimulation, whether it be visual, manual, or with toys. Sorry to be so blunt, but I don't know how else to say it. Good luck.

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: bubband
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 7:15am
ITA with Renee as to how to work on this problem. Time, patience & enhancements. Generally xanax or any meds in that family are not the cause of decreased libido. That comes with the SSRI family of antidepressants. It is entirely possible that what you're experiencing is secondary to her illness. As she improves, so will her libido. HTH (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
In reply to: bubband
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 11:56am

Hi Rob,
I know that a lot of the meds list that as a possible side effect.

I have never taken xanax but I am on lexapro, for me it has increased my desire. For some reason I got the better of it.

I agree with the others, it may be the meds, anxiety but I am guessing that its a combination of both.

Maybe you could just try out of the ordinary things,like instead of just being together in the bedroom try the kitchen of some place like that, take a drive to a secluded area and act like teenagers in the car.

I know that for me when dh and I have had a lull in out sex life, a nice night out sets the tone, dinner a movie or just watch a movie in candellight on the couch.

Maybe cook for her and just make her feel special, bring her a small gift or flowers, call her from work just to say I love you.

Although it may be the meds doing it, other things may help to make her feel more in the mood.

HTH a bit
~Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: bubband
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 7:47pm
Hi Rob,
My name is Shasta. Welcome to our board!
That is so sweet that you are posting to support your wife. I am lucky to have a supportive husband too. It is really important to have a good support system when you have P/A disorder. What kind of symptoms does she have, If you don't mind me asking?
Your first question is a good one. The gals all had really great suggestions.
I don't want to get too personal, but do you and your wife have a good relationship otherwise, besides the sex part? Are you affectionate with each other, and warm everyday? You might try saying extra kind words,gentle touching,and giving her words of encouragment.If you don't already that is! :0) I know I put myself down alot,and sometimes I think people with anxiety also have depression, so some kind words everyday might help. And giving lots of compliments. She is probably already pretty hard on herself, so that might help. Also, try romance. Sex is nice, but sometimes it takes us gals a little bit to get 'into the mood'. You might also keep in mind, she might want to be close, and not always have sex, and may feels if you are getting 'frisky' that means 'sex' It doesn't always have to end up with making love. Sometimes it is nice for us gals to be held. Everyone needs to be touched. :0)
You should probably talk to her more about this, and see what her feelings are, and let her feel free to speak honestly. It sounds like you are a really,nice,caring guy. And I commend you for being so supportive and standing my your wife. She is a lucky girl!
I know you must feel frustrated but if she is like me, I can bet she is probably more frustrated than you, because she has the stress of the anxiety,fears,and feelings that she is letting you down. Keep us posted on how things go, We Care! Sending P&PT! hugs, shasta
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: bubband
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 10:59pm

Good advice, shasta.

Renee

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