OMG I can't take anymore....
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| Fri, 05-06-2005 - 4:21pm |
I;m sure all of you know what brought me here, a lot of sickness and just plain old bad luck. I have been struggling with this for a few weeks now.
My Mom just came and told me to "sit down" instantely my heart dropped and I started shaking.
My Grandmother was rushed to the hospital last night, she was disorentated and had chest pains. She has fluid aroung her heart.
I have had a hard week as it is.
My Mom called my dh and they decided to wait to tell me... I am so sad abotu that. The fact that I'm so f'd up these days that they had to not tell me when I was home alone. I HATE HATE HATE what is happening to me.
I need to feel normal again and I just feel like I'm loosing control. I am just shaking and my face is so red and hot. I don;t know what I ever did to deserve this. My kids are perfect kids and they don't need this crap, my dh doesn;t need to be outting up with me all the time either.
I don't understand why everyone else in my family who has been through the same thing as me is doing ok, why am I the one cracking up.
I called my dr and I need to get my meds upped, I have plateaued at the 10mg of lexapro. I was doing well on it but I seem to have stalled and having my period makes it worse.
Can anyone chat later tonight after I get the kiddos to bed?
Thank you all so much.. Heather

Hi Heather. I have not been on here for a while, but have posted on this board and used it a lot for help. I have had a relapse today and feel terrible about it. I am sorry to hear you are not doing well. My grandpa died last year and my family dealt with it ok but for some reason that is when I started having anxiety. I did not know what it was at first. It was terrible. I thought I was really losing my mind or had some terrible illness. What are you feeling exactly?
Kim
Hi Kim,
I have adjustment disorder with severe anxiety.
I was just diagnised 2 weeks ago, my worse and most common symptom is the out of reality feeling. That is my worst, I have gotten pretty good at calming myself self down as far as my heartrate and stuff.
The Dr. jsut called and told me to increae my meds to 20mg... thats doubling it and that makes me scared now. I am just a mess...
I am just so sad and feeling so out of and I'm having anxiety about taking the meds, a few minutes ago all I wanted was to up the meds and now that I can I'm scared.
I feel as though I am going crazy and that I'll never be the same again, stuck in this fog...as though their is somethnig more wrong with me and they are misdiagnosign me.
Thank you Kim,
I hope you doing ok....
Heather
kml1200,
I know EXACTLY what you mean about the spinning. I call it the "swirling." I keep thinking, and worrying, and thinking and worrying, etc. It doesn't stop. If I wake up at night, or early, it starts, and I can't get back to sleep, when my anxiety is bad. Just wanted to add my 2 cents.
Renee
Waves is a another good way to describe it. I get that, too. I know it's hard to deal with, when you've been good for so long. Same here with me. I guess you can never lick it for good. It sneaks up on you, doesn't it? One of the best things I did was to recognize my early symptoms of anxiety physically, and take my Xanax before it mushrooms. And that wasn't easy to do. But, I've been diagnosed with anxiety since about 12 years now, and I'm sure I even had it as a teen. So, I learn as I go. How are you doing today?
Renee
I'm not too bad. I feel emotionally exhausted sometimes, sometimes physically. I wrote a longish post about it all tonight. Plus, we have to sell our house, and it just seems overwhelming to get it ready. Also, my DH is living mostly out of town now for work. Sometimes I just feel like my life is a big junk drawer, always a mess. I think I've more or less been trying to pretend like everything is okay, and life is normal. One of these days, reality will come up and clobber me, and then the anxiety will really be back. At least I see my counselor tomorrow....
Renee