Jan, or anyone - question for you

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Jan, or anyone - question for you
3
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 11:37pm

Jan,

How do you know if you're having more anxiety/depression than you can handle (as you wrote in another thread this evening)? Or, if someone else is...?

I am not being sarcastic, I am serious. Because my husband has been having MAJOR problems, and he was in the inpatient mental hospital in January after attempted suicide. Lately, I am worried he is going to "lose it." He says he feels like he is going to (lose it), but the problem is, this is a previously controlling and manipulative person with an anger problem that he is constantly working on, kind of like an alcoholic. So, it's like the boy crying wolf, and I can't tell if he is exaggerating so I will not give him a hard time about quitting his job, or if the stress of the job really is too much for him. That might sound mean, but he really has been subtly and creaatively manipulative for many years. He interviewed for and got the job exactly upon leaving the hospital in January, believe it or not, after being unemployed for 4+ months, and having severe depression over it.

I don't know if you know the answer to my question, but it is one I really struggle with lately. Anyone else's input is welcomed, also.

TY,
Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 12:15am
Hi Renee!

Blessings, Suz   Posts in this Community   

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:38am

Hi, Renee! When I answered that post, I was referring to a med change. Was the anxiety/depression so bad that changing meds was the only option? But, your situation isn't really all that different. You will never be able to get inside dh's head & make that determination for him. Only *he* knows what he can deal with & for how long.


Ppl that control & manipulate are truly a puzzle. It is a pattern that developed long ago. If you had a bad headache, you would take 2 tylenol. That would be a reasonable & acceptable way to deal with a headache. Also, fairly safe. But folks like your dh use their behavior just like those 2 tylenol. It isn't reasonable or acceptable or even safe! I have met many of them & I truly believe that a large number have been using their behavior for so long that it never occurs to them that what they're doing is wrong. They don't like to be crossed or disagreed with. I bet it's more than tough for you to watch & live with everyday.


I don't think you have many options here, Renee. If dh is going to self destruct, chances are you're going to have to watch it. Difficult as that may be. I agree with Suz, that you need to take care of *you.* If his behavior becomes frightening & he poses a danger to himself or others, you can call 911. That's the best I can offer. We're here for you & will give you the

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 9:47am

Hi Renee,
I now that we had spoke about this a bit the other night.
Of course Suz and Jan gave you the best advice ever..

I think that you had said your dh was only on 10mg of lexapro..I am on 20mg and may have to go up. Only the pdoc can up it more then 20mg.
Is it possible that that may help? Has he seen the pdoc yet? I think you said he had an appt.

I am curious as to what kind of treatment he recieved after his impatient hospitalization? Did he follow up and get the necessary after care?

I agree with the other girls that you need to take care of yourself and your Boys. You are a person with anxiety issues and that is a hard thing in itself to deal with.

I too have felt like I was going to "loose it" that has been how I've felt in my darkest moments, I guess that what keeps me going is that I haven't lost it yet. I'm still here...

As far as if he's crying wolf, I have no answer for that. I think that its pretty sorry that you have to question his motived though... my heart goes out to you.

If you ever want to chat just let me know, anytime.
I hope that you'll remember chat tonight..!!

I will help you in any way that I can... If you ever need anything then please let me know...
P&PT
Heather